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Tuesday, May 30, 2006 @ 10:10 pm argh!!!! u noe wad?!?!?!?! wad the house com has been plannin so far will be pushed back to october! i mean, not the racial harmony side but my college day side. man!!! I can't believe it la!!! we plan soooooo much, put in soooo much effort, was looking sooooo much to it den tell me it's pushed back. i ask u if it's being pushed back immediately upon receiving the new timetable n u say no. den now say push back. why din u talk to ms lim earlier?? why?? even we, jc1s can think faster n better than u n i even messaged u to confirm n checked wid u so tat in case we continue holding meetings n all, it wun go to waste. den now lyk tat? grr. i really dun lyk it! i know ppl will say it's good experience n the documents can be kept n get things more hyped up cos in october, aft the promo exams, ppl will be more willing to play n all but still...it hurts to see all the effort put in not "realise" soon or as expected. all the planning n rushing n all. man. hate it totally.
watched movie today. x-men3. as i've heard, many ppl die. only xavier n scott n jean. sad. i tot wolverine wld die too. n dun lyk all those fighting scene esp the cunning popcubine guy. so scary. din wanna watch tat scene n hide. watched at PS. good. not bad. got the side seats. while waiting for adv to pass, was slping. tired. dun really lyk the ending either. jean din say/speak much. sad. n the prof last words din exactly ring n re-surface at the end of the movie, to me, tat's how i feel it. anyway, the digital effect n all is not bad. sigh. my throat's still bad. i'm afraid i'll lose my voice soon n afraid tat i'll fall sick wid fever tonight. dun wanna get sick. next week got camp! den goin taman negaria the following week! cannot. muz be because of all those late nights slping late. bad. i'll try to slp early now... been goin to sch. mon for mtg den study in sch n wait for him to finish. had a good talk. did i mention it previously? today, see phys teacher in the morning, den stay in sch n study. play piano too. found a new place to study where can get the max wind! cooling. but also a weird position n area to study. right at the side gate, facing the gate somemore. but who cares? it's the hols n not many ppl go out by tat gate. all those who pass by are the J2s anyway. dun really know them so not tat mah-lu. but i wonder, when sch starts, which are the other tables where alot of wind blows. i think outside SC but dun lyk the band to "disturb" me cos i'll get distracted wid the MUSIC. see. it's music, not noise. i know. i'll get distracted cos i know music n i'll be guessing every single note u play n see if the timing is correct. it's my subconscious mind. man. now he's in pain la. dunno wad to do. hope it'll be alright soon. i hope it ain't anything serious n big. n hope it wun itch. esp since tml he is goin to SMO. i want him to do his best! plus valerie's concert. i hope the rash will go away soon!! oh! met joel again! my pri sch fren! haha. so happy to see him. coincidental too! he called me frm behind. wonder how he recognised me frm my back view. talked to him in the bus. cld see he's tired. he told me somemore abt his PW stuff. glad it's better now. hope it'll be better nxt time rnd so he n his assistant wun nid to stress up. n he hasn't had enough rest. i think he said tat he fell ill? man. i sure got stm. i forgot wad he said already! anyway, i rmb i do want him to rest alot. tat was my last words to him. n he said the same to me too! said tat he can see my eye bags. ahha. the second person to tell me tat today. oops. do i really have eye bags. yee. ugly. muz slp early den! he was also tellin me tat last time he saw a bat flew past in our area. oh! cos joel lives near me too. jus behind me in one of those big big houses. anyway, was surprised to see/hear tat bats are in singapore. we were talking abt it cos i was telling him abt wad's to be expected in my coming msia trip! n AC band performance on the 15th!! sigh. can't go. so sad. it wld be great if i cld go. their band is good. AC choir performance was ytday. i'm glad joel enjoyed it. he was lyk so in awe of it. telling me tat it's international choir n din noe voices can be lyk tat too. anyway, it's valerie's choir concert tml. all the best to her! tat's abt all i gotta say. i know there are more but not impt la. anyway, take care peeps n enjoy yr hols! seeing yi xian n ken tml. yeah! --------------------------------- Sunday, May 28, 2006 @ 9:39 pm hey. wad shall i say first? my sis is starting to be a lady! yeah! so happy for her. she's getting prettier n prettier each day. proud of her. finally, she's growing. hope i'll get closer to her. lucky my ex convince me to be nice to her. i'm nicer to you already okay? (in case u're reading this) n my bro's becoming a man already!! yeah. becoming more gentleman. the other time aft band prac, uncle clarence sent us home den i 'climb' to the front, asked him, who was sitting at the back, to pass me my bag but he say when we alight, he'll take it down for me. den when we alighted, i wanted to take the bag but he carried all the way home for me. yay. the bag was heavy for me anyway. but light to him. but yay. he's becoming more lyk a gentleman already. my 'kids' are growing up already. so fast. gotta treat n talk to them differently already. man. will miss the good old days but there is fun n joy for every season of our lives so even if they grow up, there will still be things where we'll enjoy n play together. lord, protect them! n one thing to note, jus love gentlemen! can rmb their acts well. sigh. in singapore, can hardly see this kinda ppl already. haha
next, performance today. was so scared. keep shaking while waiting for my turn. wun know when it'll be my turn. was the 2nd from the back. n played so lousily. make so many mistakes. dun think dynamics are strong. not enough tone. din rmb all the notes. n not enuff pharsing. when others play n play so well n energetic, my whole body starts to shake la. was so scared n afraid. i definitely can't play up to their standard. luckily, teacher din say much which will cause embarrassement in front of the whole class. n cried in the car, as wad i'll always do after every exam. n surprisingly, was treated to sumthing good n nice, jus lyk after every exam. last time was jacket n pasta maina. this time is steamboat. jus the right time when i'm shivering even after the performance is over. eat till very full. nice dinner. the whole family incl my grandma. today was street-e. din wanna go but in the end went. worked wid eleena n snow-white. glad to share the booklet wid one 11-yr-old gal n she accepted christ. my 3rd one. but gotta check wid her n make doubly-sure. later end up lyk the previous 2. anyway, kept asking her if she understand n she say yes. but one thing that i carelessly forget is to ask her wad she understood. tat would be the best gauge as to whether she understood or not. sigh. oh well. jus wait for follow-up. had a good lunch. got news tat there's a party for ken who's leaving for ns on fri. haha. grow up n lose fats yea? hope sabby wun miss u too much. but u take care over there too k? going to takan him on thu. tot of making him shout n do push-up etc. but haha. dunno. see wad the others plan to do wid him. sabby ask us to do something to him. haha. we're going to have a wacky nite. i hope i can stay over at uncle clarence's house but ma say cannot if nobody else is staying over. make sense. but so late already, jus dun feel lyk goin home. but also wonder if i shld cos got work to do. sigh. oh well. will see how. but i think i'll go. send ken off too. n also wun be seeing him for dunno how long. besides, when he book out during the weekends, dunno if he'll still come to church. i hope he does! oh! glad to hear that eleena's boss approve of her no-pay leave of 5 mths! i hope the HQ approves of it too. pray pray. glad tat victor's team got second for the competition! well done guys n 1 gal! hope u all learn lotz! mtg tml at 8 am 0_0 dun lyk. gotta wake up extra early la. grr. dun lyk. totally dun lyk. anyway, look forward to the mtg. got lotz of brainstorming n changes to do. dunno why AR keep meeting so many obstacles n challenges. but i kinda lyk it. den makes the proj more interesting n bond us together! but also means more effort. talked to cheryl frm hose abt the RHD (internal) n she told me din have much probs n going smoothly. wah. so good. n talking abt RHD, the stress test is on monday la. n it starts at 1pm. gotta miss so many lessons! grr. but i miss pe. yay. haha. okay. also not exactly very good either. haha. anyway, hope all goes well n wonder if khalid will go for RHD... --------------------------------- Friday, May 26, 2006 @ 10:42 pm hey. i jus hate it when mum rebutts me lyk tat. i dunno wad's wrong wid me planning ahead, even if it means a year ahead. why can't i plan? it's jus sumthing for me to think abt, sumthing tat struck me, n i jus wanna share it...den why everytime u scold me wan!!! i dun understand! it's jus a tot n a plan wad...wad's wrong wid being far-sighted. i'm lookin at the possiblities... grr. dun lyk u. anyway, morning was good. okay la. lotz of clapping for the TEAM SAJC. woohoo! u all did well! well done! congrats! n really glad that bowling guys got first. yeah. though i wasn't there to support them ytday. sigh. wished i was there but jus couldn't make it. n once again, to the rugby team! n the hockey boys n gals n bowling gals n cricket boys. yup. thank you lord for protecting n watching over them! last morning worship of the term. tot it'll be nice to pray wid victor but it's okay. wen long came over n i prayed wid him. interesting. but victor sure isn't happy early in the morning. n got stress up in the day. grr. suddenly i feel so immature n helpless n young. i was really at a loss at wad to do. grr. wished i know wad to do in this kinda circumstance. wad do u, victor, want me to do, anyway, when u're lyk tat? n frens, wad wld u do when u're in tat kinda situation? i hope he's feeling better now. today's paul's bday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! u're.....16 now! cool! can watch NC16 shows. but i dun think msia got ratings. or even if have, it's super easy to cheat. in singapore too. but last time i din cheat when i was below 16. see. i so guai. hmm. i dun think i'd watched any nc16 show in singapore yet. all look so gross etc. but i did watch blade trinity when i was 15 years old! yeah! in bangkok. cool. tat show was nice! anyway, may u, paul, continue to have a close walk wid the Lord n seek him in all tat u do. hmm. sumbody going uni anyway. down there u'll see all kinds of ppl. muz stay close to the Lord k? i wonder if u'll read this anyway. hmm. if u do, tag tag k? cell was good. wad my leader shared was wad tat God has been telling me throughout the week. good good. reiteration. went there early. do my devotions by the window. nice n cooling wind. n played some of his cds on the cool surround sound system. it was splendid. n good dinner. at first, tot it'll only be him n i. but deborah n nicholas joined us later. cool. 4 of us. tat's all. but not discouraged. wonder why le jing din come. i hope it isn't cos she'd forgotten or she wanna spend the last day of the term goin out wid her frens. hope not. if not, lyk tat she's placing frens above church which is bad bad... LAST DAY of the term/semester! let's see wad has happened:
things discovered this half year tat i muz learn:
finally, sorry for this evening. i guess i was moody n all. hope i din offend u. hope we'll both change for the better! holidays are starting! okay. din do much work. wanted to but sigh. cell group. but it was a worth it time. n anyway, can't do much tml either. sigh. whole day out n all. stupid. wanna start on work n clear up the mess on my table den gotta wait n wait n wait. grr. n tml is loooong day.dun lyk it. will be super tired. grr. grant me strength, lord. n help me to use my time in june hols wisely since i have about only 2 weeks to study. dun lyk the tot of it. grr. stress........ --------------------------------- Wednesday, May 24, 2006 @ 6:28 pm hey bloggie. feeling better now. had a good long talk last nite. but was it good? to a certain extent. but anyway, jus wanna say sorry again. n i sure am imature n still have lotz to learn. be patient wid me! thanks.
today was not too bad. went to be a bit kiasu n photocopy past years common tests paper. saw huric and ray (victor's frens) while photocopying. then he commented tat it's victor who taught me to do such things. no. i learnt it myself =) yay. see. i'm observant n independent! haha. self-praise. anyway, photocopy alot n i MUZ finish them during the hols. i definitely MUZ. cannot waste the money, ink n paper lyk tat. n photocopy geog notes jus now. it sure wun be easy reading them though. i was almost falling alsp while reading them. grr. discipline. n was telling huric how excited my mentoring frens are about today's cca training. i hope ashiq n wei ling had fun teaching them! would love to see how ashiq teach the kids since he's so tall n the kids are so short. jus found out tat ashiq is 1.8m plus! tat's lyk so woah la. taller than shawn n jun jie. i bet he's looking downwards at me whenever i tok to him. hmph. i wonder if he's taller than mr leong. anyway, photocopy for one hour then went to jeremy's place n pass the maid sumthing. i hope jeremy will lyk it n use it! dun want it to be a white elephant though. lord, watch over jeremy as he prepares for his exams okay? thank you. n then went home. n surprisingly met joel on the bus! woah. i'm surprised. haha. haven't seen him for a loooong time. n glad to catch up slightly wid him. tok about PW n asked him abt passion ac. i wonder why his frens never talk about it aft it's over. how come passion ac lyk not so hip in their school? my sch's life concert is! it's super cool. i still rmb every single bit of it. yeah. tat's abt all i got to say. cheers. oh ya! performing on sun. grr. hope i can do it. n haven't hand in my late tutorial math hw. grr. gtg spend time wid the lord first. see ya. --------------------------------- Tuesday, May 23, 2006 @ 10:51 pm tired. simply tired. house com. studies. the issue. spiritual walk. identity. falling sick. i really dunno wad to do. esp tat issue. i'm really at a loss n tired of thinking. tired of defending. am i defending in the first place? i dunno. struggles. war in my mind. dunno where i fit in best.
sumtimes i wonder if i'll have a good time in JC. ppl say their JC life is the best time of their life. but i wonder if it'll be true in my case. ppl say tat they rmb n keep in contact wid their JC frens the best. but i wonder if it'll be true in my case. i really wonder if i can handle the remaining one n a half years of my JC life. i wonder how many break-downs i muz have, i wonder how much is there for me to learn, i wonder if my frens will still rmb me (though i'll definitely rmb them), i wonder...though i know things will never be smooth, i wonder how rough it will be, or rather, how smoothly i can glide along that path, or at least try to glide along it. i wonder if i'll go astray. feel lyk trying out wad drinking is lyk. suddenly, tonite, it seems so appealing to me. but i know n i dun think tat i'll lyk it. but still, if it takes my mind off sum things... i wonder n really wonder. tired. real tired. feel lyk giving up. wished u were more sensitive n caring. sigh. i wonder if i'm being over-sensitive too. i wonder if i'm being selfish. perhaps i am. den i really hope i'll stop it. but still.... i hope all these will end soon. i hope i'll learn something good out of it. i hope i'll enjoy this period of times/trials. i hope i'll find solace in You. n finally, i really wanna trust u Lord. i dun wanna depend on anybody. i mean, dun wanna base my identity on anybody n anything else but you cos i jus saw n experienced the failed n downside of it. n i hope u'll give me the discipline. break down all my defences n see me thru. be there for me Lord. n Lord, i wanna abide in You! --------------------------------- Friday, May 12, 2006 @ 10:17 am hey bloggy. i noe it's been a long time since i blogged. i think this is my first entry in the month of May? yup. so it's been a loooooooong time since i blogged uh?
wad to say? celebrated my bday on may 1st. wanted to go mt faber but was raining. so went to harbour front. met him there. lunch, walk walk then study. study here and there. mainly physics. n boy! ain't i happy tat i can do the phys qns when he's arnd. haha. he sure is my lucky charm! where did we have dinner? oh! save money so ate in foodcourt. but also can't save alot. cos down there the food also expensive. sigh. then, went to safra country club. nth much there. but i love the red couch. i wish there wasn't a sale goin on. then i can do my devotion there! but anyway, down there, he told me tat one of his good frens is in hospital n goin thru operation. so was beside him. can see the sadness. actually, he knew abt this b4 he met me tat afternoon but he din tell me. i can't believe he chose to meet me over his good fren who's in hospital. sigh. cannot do this k? then, he sent me home. took 963. fast journey. but also quite a sad one. can't reach home in time, msg ma n she "scolded" me. cried on my way home. refelcted n told the Lord, i'll not do this again. tat i'll change. yup. but he din feel well. sigh. is he not use to long journeys? i dunno. but he was really sick n all. he then took a taxi home when i alighted. oh! many ppl send me bday wishes via sms. thank you frens! n jeremy rmb my bday =)
tat's abt all i gotta say. erm. happy abt another thing too. a commitment btw him, God n myself. yes! finally he understands wad i'd been trying to tell him. but the road towards it sure isn't easy. struggling. for the past few days. esp for him. can see the hurt and pain painted all over his face. grr. dun lyk it. dun lyk to see him in so much pain. wish i could end it all but i know i can't do it. i shouldnt'. God wun be happy. not good consequences too. sigh. but lord, the journey sure isn't easy. help us okay? n help us to let go and lift it up into yr hands.
okay. found a book "secrets of the vine". really happy. reading it now n learning many many stuffs =) but actually, it was part of my prayer b4 my bday. sigh. god answered my prayers when i ask for signs if it's his will. i saw it but i jus din wanna believe or accept. bad n naughty me. i shouldn't have done tat. i really shouldn't. lookin back, if i did follow his guidance, things would be better much off, i guess. well, perhaps i'm being punished? or maybe not la. maybe it's discipline or pruning, jus lyk wad i learnt from the book!
house com stuffs to settle, the Saints Sports Club (ssc)/house com (CCA) matters to handle. hey..tat reminds me. thanks for praying for me, Victor! it really calmed my heart. was toking to God abt it yesterday during my qt. then, i was led on to a trail of tots where i'm struggling to find time to do qt, den wad if i join back ssc, wun i be even more busy den dun have time to spend wid him. plus, studies is one of my main concerns cos i really want a scholarship! my family has 3 kids la. if each n every one of us dun have scholarship, boy! wun it be expensive n taxing on my parents? anyway, another thing tat struck me is piano. gotta spend lotz of time on it. n if i join ssc, wld i have time? n also, victor say i may not be able to cope wid ssc and house com n studies. so well, still thinking abt it. oh. the reason why i think abt it again is cos tthe teacher spoke to me abt it.
ytday, dunno why his mood swing so much. really frightens me. one moment, he seems lyk daoing me, the next moment, he was cheerful, then later on, he was upset n confused n all. it really frightens me n i really dunno wad to do. i really dunno how to handle this whole scenerio. scary...
tat's abt all. take care! who knows if my next post is in June! haha.
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