okay. 144th post. 26th April 07. 2 days after my dad turned 50 =) pretty old already. being 50. worried for him too. for his health. not tat it's bad. his is definitely way better than most ppl of his age. he runs alot. trains abt 2 or 3 times a week. and he's very proud of being a finisher of the standard charted marathon race..the full 42.195km. he's very proud of it and he has been collecting tat medal for years now. n i guess it's cos of tat, tat's why i'm worried. about his safety. jus pray and hope that God will keep him safe whenever he runs out there on the pavement. yea. keep him safe and protect him Lord. haha. looking at the age 50, i still rmb when i was young, i told myself tat when dad turns 50, he will not work and i will. to support the family. din want him to work so hard at 50. ha. i guess last time i was too young to do my maths calculation. i'm still in JC now. in JC2. ha. unless i come out to work wid an A level cert, this "dream" will not be fulfilled.

talking about A level cert, jus heard on radio this morning about the govt having plans to train workers widout an O and A level cert and equip them wid skills necessary to work in the workforce. well, it's a good effort put in. yet, i was wondering if there are many unemployed workers who dun have an O or A level cert. are there? the radio din report stats. well, if there isn't a large pool of them, then is this step necessary? i was thinking about wad the younger generations wld feel when they hear of this. would they have the mindset that they do not need to work very hard because wid a PSLE cert and that extra years of training, i can enter the workforce already. will they? i dunno. but that's wad i fear will take place. hmm... hope i wun be sued or anything for writing my opinion on this issue here.

talking about writing about opinions, these few days, i've been learning alot on how to write AQ for GP. it's good. teacher's good. geared us in the right direction, gave us a lot of guidelines and help. i think i'm getting the hang of it. i jus did 2 parar relating to Derek Wee's and Wee Shu Min's article. it was last year's issue so i wonder if u still rmb. ha. if cannot, can always search on the net. their blog entries were good.

so the nxt thing, my bday. well, am goin out to celebrate wid my h3 frens on mon nite aft lesson. yea. looking forward to it. was actually looking fwd to ice skating but my frens can't make it. den call my sec sch frens but still unsure. sigh. am i really goin to spend this bday alone? it's pretty sad. these few days, i keep thinkin back on wad i did to Victor's 18th bday last year. wad i planned, how he enjoyed himself that day...the surprise, the celebration wid his frens, the lunch, the goin frm place to place...everytime i think about it, it jus brings me to tears...thoughts go thru my mind. really wanna write it down here but perhaps no. wun say here. maybe tell a few of u/had already told. *shake head* sometimes, i look back and wonder if i really deserve this. lyk i'd it coming....i dunno. jus feel shattered thinking about nxt tue. suppose to be a happy day but...i never knew i had to spend my bday lyk tat. is this the start of when i celebrate bdays quietly? i hope not for i'm never for spendin bday alone..always wanna go out wid frens and do something special and something tat i like..sigh. lord, i wonder wad u have installed for me..but serene and nigel and khalis did give me encouragin words tat do touch my heart and made me happier =) thanks man..

hope. it's a hard thing to handle. trust. tough to make my heart submit to Him. yea. hope and trust. in God, there is always hope. not jus hope for the future of aft death but also hope through the tough times. and trust which closely links to rom 8:28-29. this is the verse tat i linked closely wid trust. there was this point of time when i jus felt lyk giving up all hope; letting all fears take over and take control of me. tat was the time when i really break down and go back to God. knowing tat He is always willing to listen and hear and comfort me. yes. comfort me indeed.

yet i can't help but say tat the close encounter tat i have wid Mr Hopelessness is really something _________ i dunno wad word to use. hopelessness can really tear a person down. and make one jus sink into a abyss and never come outta it. hopelessness is a really a ugly thing. makes one self-pity him/herself. sigh. i'm glad i'm outta it but one foot is still in it. i still have this sense of insecurity, a loss of hope for the future and wad lies ahead. and tat's when Mr Trust comes in. to trust God in tat He has things laid out for us and things planned for us. tat we are His Personal Concern and tat we are His Children. He wun forget about us and tat's when i gotta put in the effort to let God enter and heal me. to let God push me to trust Him and not worry. yea. Mr Worry also comes along and play a part. so i'm trying to tell him tat he's uninvited to the house and shoo him away. well, we are all human. so there are bound to be times when i fall too. and for that, Lord, pray tat You'll pull me back to where i shld belong, base my happiness on and focus on.

Well, one last thing tat i wanna say is tat i think less of someone when i'm talking to him/her compared to me thinkin more about him/her when i'm not talking to that person. i guess tat's why the sayin that "distance makes the heart grow fonder" is so true. when one is away frm another, one jus misses him/her and keep thinking about tat person. i guess tat's why Jeremy anticipates my email the most on his bday cos it has seriously been a long time (3 mths) since i last emailed him and the last i saw him was...January this year. and tat's long. well, sayin this also refers to another issue. to you (if u do read): i'm trying to control and bring it down, but it's jus so hard. it's super tough. but i hope tat for this honesty tat i share here, u wun purposely do the opposite. let me decide on my own since it's my issue. jus make decisions on yr own behalf and not mine...i wun give up trying. jus hope tat my heart listens...

khalis finished his 2 weeks plus confinement already. yay. congrats. meetin him tml. yea. den lyk victor's time, he got another field camp over the nxt weekend. but well, he got a super long break frm now till nxt tue nite. booking in on wed morning. yea. so i bet he can enjoy himself alot. glad he was willing to make time to listen to me durin the 2 weeks and even jus now. feels good to tok to him for long hours again :)

tml is house elections for 8th house council!!