hey bloggy. i noe it's been a long time since i blogged. i think this is my first entry in the month of May? yup. so it's been a loooooooong time since i blogged uh? wad to say? celebrated my bday on may 1st. wanted to go mt faber but was raining. so went to harbour front. met him there. lunch, walk walk then study. study here and there. mainly physics. n boy! ain't i happy tat i can do the phys qns when he's arnd. haha. he sure is my lucky charm! where did we have dinner? oh! save money so ate in foodcourt. but also can't save alot. cos down there the food also expensive. sigh. then, went to safra country club. nth much there. but i love the red couch. i wish there wasn't a sale goin on. then i can do my devotion there! but anyway, down there, he told me tat one of his good frens is in hospital n goin thru operation. so was beside him. can see the sadness. actually, he knew abt this b4 he met me tat afternoon but he din tell me. i can't believe he chose to meet me over his good fren who's in hospital. sigh. cannot do this k? then, he sent me home. took 963. fast journey. but also quite a sad one. can't reach home in time, msg ma n she "scolded" me. cried on my way home. refelcted n told the Lord, i'll not do this again. tat i'll change. yup. but he din feel well. sigh. is he not use to long journeys? i dunno. but he was really sick n all. he then took a taxi home when i alighted. oh! many ppl send me bday wishes via sms. thank you frens! n jeremy rmb my bday =) tat's abt all i gotta say. erm. happy abt another thing too. a commitment btw him, God n myself. yes! finally he understands wad i'd been trying to tell him. but the road towards it sure isn't easy. struggling. for the past few days. esp for him. can see the hurt and pain painted all over his face. grr. dun lyk it. dun lyk to see him in so much pain. wish i could end it all but i know i can't do it. i shouldnt'. God wun be happy. not good consequences too. sigh. but lord, the journey sure isn't easy. help us okay? n help us to let go and lift it up into yr hands. okay. found a book "secrets of the vine". really happy. reading it now n learning many many stuffs =) but actually, it was part of my prayer b4 my bday. sigh. god answered my prayers when i ask for signs if it's his will. i saw it but i jus din wanna believe or accept. bad n naughty me. i shouldn't have done tat. i really shouldn't. lookin back, if i did follow his guidance, things would be better much off, i guess. well, perhaps i'm being punished? or maybe not la. maybe it's discipline or pruning, jus lyk wad i learnt from the book! house com stuffs to settle, the Saints Sports Club (ssc)/house com (CCA) matters to handle. hey..tat reminds me. thanks for praying for me, Victor! it really calmed my heart. was toking to God abt it yesterday during my qt. then, i was led on to a trail of tots where i'm struggling to find time to do qt, den wad if i join back ssc, wun i be even more busy den dun have time to spend wid him. plus, studies is one of my main concerns cos i really want a scholarship! my family has 3 kids la. if each n every one of us dun have scholarship, boy! wun it be expensive n taxing on my parents? anyway, another thing tat struck me is piano. gotta spend lotz of time on it. n if i join ssc, wld i have time? n also, victor say i may not be able to cope wid ssc and house com n studies. so well, still thinking abt it. oh. the reason why i think abt it again is cos tthe teacher spoke to me abt it. ytday, dunno why his mood swing so much. really frightens me. one moment, he seems lyk daoing me, the next moment, he was cheerful, then later on, he was upset n confused n all. it really frightens me n i really dunno wad to do. i really dunno how to handle this whole scenerio. scary... tat's abt all. take care! who knows if my next post is in June! haha.