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Thursday, June 29, 2006 @ 8:06 pm hey! finally found out how to change dates on posts. okay. came home so late la. stupid bus. sat in there for 50mins. grr. jam at near clementi. dun think i wanna take that bus often. always pass by tat place n makes me feel sad. was was i doing on the bus on the way home? cross-stitch! for my sis! yes. wasn't easy. almost felt lyk vomitting. stopped halfway thru the journey n cos i lazy to change the thread on the bus plus i dun have a scissors.
but still manage to do qt jus now. was wearing fbt shorts down la. den stupidly pass 3 teenage boys who were swimming in the pool. dun lyk. but anyway, they din swim over to my side n disturb me. tat's good. anyway, had a good time wid the Lord. toked to Him. but still, time was shorten. i haven't showered n eaten. tat's why a bit rush. was saying sorry n thinking abt tml..whether history will repeat itself. i dun think so. hmm. now wondering if i shld do qt in sch. dunno. anyway, dun lyk to shorten qt time. but saw nice moon! crescent moon! a smiley face..tat kinda position. shining brightly. nice. today's mw was good! felt the presence of the Lord. thank you! lyk the first song alot. seems lyk i'd sang in b4 but can't recall. i forgot the first line of it la. goin to find out later. met victor n tok to him for a short while. went to locker to get sumthing n was almost late. haha. mr ng was standing at one side la. den later on have hair check. but got hse com mtg so i skipped it. yes. they want 2 reps frm each hse to help assist in the rugby tournament tat is organised for the JC1s. hope i'll be able to get some of my classmates to participate! i hope the future tournaments will be lyk tat too! erm. wad else to say. today GP lesson. first lesson wid mrs ng. then fell aslp in class towards the end of lesson n got called out by teacher. bad. were brainstorming ideas on "should marriage be a life-long commitment?" duh. but i'm surprised wid the many opinions frm my classmates tat it shouldn't be. has our society really changed till lyk tat? even the side tat says no gave reasons which i really couldn't understand. sigh. i guess the society is changing. has to change anyway. to fulfill the scriputres? i dunno. am thinking abt rapture...sigh. oh well. i hope i n christians alike will jus stand firm n strong in our faith n beliefs n values taught to us. went to study chem n finish memorising the definitions. aiya! suppose to ask victor to test me wan. ha. den looked thru tys. n looked thru phys tut 3 a few qns. i think dun wanna look at chem tys on enthalpy alot. only coming out for mcq. n teacher gave us some qns to ask us to do. okay. glad victor's maths n phys papers were okay. yup. thank you lord for seeing him thru. n the rest of the JC2s too! jus help him thru his last paper tml yea? n to you: jia you! if u're reading this...okay.. gotta go already. see ya n take care! --------------------------------- Wednesday, June 28, 2006 @ 8:59 pm hey. today was not bad. noe wad? i saw MS TSUNG!!!! ahh..totally surprised! i was lyk thinkin who's tat pretty lady sitting in the CC there. new teacher...stare a while n realise she looks familiar. den stare a bit harder n saw tat she's ms tsung! woah! i was totally surprised. den she told me tat she expects me anyway. SK told her tat i'm here in SA n told her tat Jeremy is here too. den after chatting for a while n catching up, i turn arnd n suddenly call out to jeremy n bring his attention to ms tsung. haha. woah! can see her again. she's the one who taught us mole cal. den was confusing initially but got one make-up lesson where she summarises the whole formulas n from then on, i can do my mole cal! haha. yes! thanks for tat formula sheet! she taught in RI for 2 yrs b4 being posted here in SA. she's teaching S7, S19, S30...tat's abt all i can rmb. so peeps frm these classes, treat her well k?
today was not bad. but ruth din come to sch. pray tat she'll get well soon! n yh came back to sch. toked quite a fair bit to him. glad to catch up. n xiao wei too. haha. thank you lord. met her at the bridge arnd there. den chat n chat. we were both surprised to see that ppl jus pass the bio-matrix thing widout tapping. but still both of us tapped. the dead frog still there on the cardboard la. yee. met kamalesh at the bio-matrix too. went to the caf together. met ashiq later on to see ms tay n we asked her to allow us to wear blazar. n u noe wad?? CAN wear!! yes! she sent back a reply to ashiq later on tat day tat we can borrow the blazar nxt week. yes! goin to look smart n pretty :P after tat went to morning worship. prayed wid a JC2 who have a chem n econs paper today. tml they got maths n phys paper. scary. but dun fret k, JC2s! u all can do it! went to see ms tan after tat. for chem. ask qns n clear doubts. got some qns she can't do. n for the first time, hear tat ms tan fall sick. she wasn't feeling good this morning. no wonder she made several mistakes today. haha. anyway, take care. ppl dun fall sick!' met victor aft his paper n aft my consultation. yay. glad his computing was easier than he expected. see. i know u can do it! den play a bit of piano den went off. okay. sorry abt jus now k? i admit i was in the wrong. sorry to make u misunderstand. tat's abt all i gotta say. thanks boy (my bro) for downloading the photos into the com! --------------------------------- @ 8:38 pm ytday was good. not bad. get to hang arnd wid jannah n xiao wei alot. n ruth too. ruth greeted me wid a not-so-good face. knew something was wrong. glad she's honest n told me. man. really praying hard for her...please watch over Ruth. was lookin at the tap-finger thing ytday afternoon. beside it there was a cardboard. yee. got a dead frog there. all flatten out. yucks. xiao wei was the most frightened one. n i'm the most calm one. haha. yes. i'm always calm except for bees, wasps n beetles. dun lyk them. always shout for my dad. anyway, the bio-matrix thing is not bad. hope i'll rmb to tap my finger when i enter n leave! my gp teacher is good! or at least tat the first impression she gave me. mrs ng. so young, so pretty n married lyk so early! oh well. no comments. but i think she's a caring teacher. hope she'll know us better soon n teach us well! but we waited for 2 hours to pass den she say no gp lesson. boo. haha. went to AVA during the 2-hour break ytday. played piano for one hour. yes. n ruth slept. she fell sick. i hope she's better now. bad. n yong hui fell sick too. missed him in sch tat day. msged him during phys lesson n only reply later on during the day. xiao wei was also asking abt u. she knows that i msg him n once in a while she asked if yh has replied. yup. yh got high fever that morning n then got flu in the day. later on went to PS to study wid Janet n Victor. yay. glad to study wid the 2 of them. esp janet. get to know her better too. but got headache while there. maybe cos i pressurize myself too much. rush there den immediately do work again. maybe too tired. n missed the timing of qt. maybe tat's why god punish me :P dunno. but i still did it! after i'd reached home. needed a break anyway. b4 i eat dinner. glad i ate in subway. den not so hungry. n had a goooood time wid the Lord today. yay. wanted to finish off the chap but i think i'd better not. ya. take my time n read the remaining few pages when i have a clearer mind. yes. looking forward to reading wad the author n authoress has to say. okay. dunno why ms tay dun let us wear blazar ytday la. I WANNA WEAR BLAZAR. look presentable. look smart. other ppl will be wearing so i dun want to lose out. n wanna see how i look lyk in the blazar uniform. to be thick skin a bit, see how pretty i look :P i rmb the first time i wore long sleeve n a-line skirt. woah. some guy told me i look pretty. hehe. wanna see how it's lyk if i wear the SA type of blazar. yes. haha. goin wid ashiq. was surprised. lol. --------------------------------- Monday, June 26, 2006 @ 1:45 pm hey hey. first day of Term 3. cool. first day of the 2nd semester. time sure flies! din noe i'll make it to here. haha. anyway, jus something tat i tot abt while on the bus:
first person i meet today: Linda last ppl i greet today: xiao wei n yong hui ppl whom i wanna see n tok but didn't: victor, danny, alicia, stefi, 7th house com ppl ppl whom i see n wanna tok but din get a chance/din tok alot: darren, jannah, sufi, kuan wei ppl whom i tok to unexpectedly: pamela. but i'm happy abt it ppl whom i tok to alot n HAPPY abt it: ruth, ansley, xiao wei, yong hui, alison yay! ytday, was having pastor's farewell lunch. den le jing suddenly asked if i wanna go wash hands aft lunch. hmm. okay. why not? go chat wid her. i guessed she also got sumthing to tell me. wanna sit down wid her at one of the tables though but we ended up talking in the toilet. hmm. anyway, she was telling me abt her opinions abt victor..said he was godly n was giving her updates. plus she said a surprising thing. told ruth today n she was also shocked. haha. anyway, had a good chat in a weird place. today, was chi paper. boring. half hour of chinese listening. oh ya! A level Chinese listening on 18th july!!! shocking. soooo soon la. plus oral is somewhere beginnin of july. scary. i dunno if i'll pass tat oral la. muz start listenin to chinese news already. hmm. thinking of listening to chinese radio stns. bleah. will miss the eng love songs. haha. dunno. but i'd better tune myself to chinese words already. scary. was falling aslp towards the end of the paper. n i couldn't entirely understand the last comprehension passage. it was super tough!! wid alot of chen yu. i wonder wad to do to prepare myself for it...there are no chen yu book or something lyk tat n mum sure wun buy for me wan. sigh. i dunno la. jus dun want an ugly B or C for chinese. tat's all. was also thinking of reading Captivating already. wanna read n see n gain insights. yes. was also encouraged when pastor talked to us ytday n he said tat he has a fren who hold him accountable n often ask abt his spiritual life n wad book he's reading etc. tat struck me la. wad book am i readin now? none. so i'm gonna read Captivating now!
was at trumpet praise jus now wid ruth. wow!! saw a book tat interest me ALOT!! Just lyk Jesus by Max Lucado. it's lyk God answered my prayer la. i was praying in the beginning of the year for a book tat will build me up in my relationship wid Him n was lyk looking arnd thereafter. n suddenly, jus today, saw tat book. by my favourite author somemore n he's a good writer. man! I WANT TAT BOOK!!! haha. it cost $25 bucks plus over there but i think i can get it cheaper elsewhere. but i so want tat book but i dun think i can afford it now till i dunno when. spending $20 on the dance tix. n sch's starting so there are food expenses. n there is my HP bills. i think it's goin to be high again la. got calls at nite. stupid. dunno la. i want tat book. i'll try to save. but i wonder if i'll get a chance to read it this year. i hope so! today there was class outing. at ps. ate in pasta mania. the guys order so much la. each one 1 plate of pasta n they share 1 plate of pizza. they eat till left 1 piece. yong hui n xiao wei each order their own pasta. n alison, ansley, ruth n myself share 2 pizzas. yup. cost: $6.20. okay la. not too bad. at least not more than $10. but only 9 ppl. dunno why all the non-chinese run off aft the paper. sigh. n the higher chinese ppl din come. sad. but anyway, had good chats. tok to ruth alot today too. nice. later on, went upstairs to yamaha n tot of getting the violin stand for victor. but coincidentally, they're closed! for their 40th anniversary! haha. wad a coincidence! when walkin up the escalator, was looking at all those shops wid the big SALE sign...so tempted to go shop!! i haven't shopped yet. but cannot. gotta go home n study. yup. will be studying aft i blogged. good catching up wid u peeps today! see ya arnd tml den! got new timetable. wonder who's our new GP tutor. i hope it's someone who's good. dun wanna fail GP. i hope it's my first intake Ms Tan! den i'm sure all the guys will start wow-ing at her. lol. she's pretty! n quite a good teacher! ms tan...ms tan...ms tan... okay. lame i noe. today's morning worship. led by 2 JC1s. good. not bad. 2 songs. but dunno why when i enter, felt so much to want to go forward n ask if i can play the piano wid them. haha. but anyway, i know i'll be trapping them if i jus go forward lyk tat. firstly, i din inform any of them. secondly, i ain't prepared myself. dun have scores. dunno the scores. nth. only have the heart n the skills. thirdly, they're already in the midst of practising n i dun reach sch early either. was alone during morning worship. sad. but well, God's beside me! smile sharon! finally, wanna say to u: sorry. sorry i cause u worry n made u unable to slp last nite. --------------------------------- Saturday, June 24, 2006 @ 9:24 am my 101th post. hi 101 dalmations! okay. lame. jus got the flashbox up. really happy when i saw the email tat it's open for registration. but got a few probs tat i meet wid. hmmm. i was jus beginnin to lyk cbox den this came in. hmm. will see how n whether i wanna revery back to cbox.
anyway, went out to eat supper wid eleena, uncle clarence, matt, jessie n evelyn. nice. toking abt alot of stuff. work things la. n eleena is playing for a wedding! as a drummer. the whole band musicians are frm different churches so it's interesting how they cordinate. n she wants me to go thru wid her "thank you lord" on sun. yea. cell was not bad. sat at the dining table n tok. only 4 of us. evelyn, uncle clarence, matt n myself. so was hearing tales abt work, as usual. we went one round of sharing of wad happen during the week. glad evelyn n myself spend good time wid the Lord! n learn alot of things. prayed for one another. ytday went to study wid victor in JE library. evelyn was surprised tat i study la. hmph. but anyway, study alot but dun lyk him fallin sick. dun lyk. glad he's better now. Lord, please keep him in good health. dun stress k? though yr BT2 is coming. after tat janet came n i left for cell. glad to study n cover quite a bit. yeah. man. jus got news tat the dvd player got no more space already. tat means i muz finish watchin off the lost eposides tat i'd recorded. grr. faster faster watch. bad timing though. to all house com-ers. jus msg mr desmond ng n he say he heard abt the investiture thing n he'll SEND ppl to go. yup. sorry for the miscommunication! actually dun wanna go shopping later. wanted to stay home n study. told mum this mornin when i wake up n then she say go. man. i wonder why i got such a mother who dun support me la. she even ask me not to play piano so i can use tat time to study. grr. where got mothers lyk tat wan? she shld help me out, reduce my pressure n give me advice on how to "strike a balance" jus lyk wad victor said to me the last time la. man. dun lyk. den later go shopping wid her. said tat dad will pick us up at arnd 5.30pm to 6pm. den my whole aftnoon aft piano lesson is gone la. stupid. the more i tok abt it, the more burning i get, the more i dun wanna go though. grr. but it's john little's 20% off. grr --------------------------------- Thursday, June 22, 2006 @ 8:09 pm hey!!! It's my 100th post!!! yay!! happy 100th anniversary..okay. tat sounds wrong. but nvm. it's my 100th post! yes!
ANNOUNCEMENT time! All house com ppl pls take note: there is a TJC investiture n they invited our 7th house com. they say cans end 5 reps but min is 2. so i was thinking of 1 from every house. so pls inform either trixie, nazri and elaine (yr fellow house mates) asap k? so i can confirm wid them plus we nid to get the blazers n everything. it's on the 5th July, wed. it's the end of the H2 chem paper. n if the nxt day u dun have paper, do consider k? time is from 2.30-4.30pm. get back to me soon!! okay. had a real good day today. put in extra time wid God. n many other things. dun wanna say it here. anyway, it was good. pushed outta my comfort zone but dun lyk mum to be my border bully. i jus expect it n it's really discouragin cos she's my mum; someone whom i trust alot. n she saying n being lyk tat..dun lyk. but it also shows me how real it can be tat when one tries to push outta the comfort zone, there is someone stopping him/her. i dun wanna be a border bully to anyone either. jus toked a little to him. i'm sorry. i'm sorry for using the wrong words. i've ALWAYS trusted u. hmm. am kinda afraid n scared now. scared tat u wun tok to me again. u wun rite? u dun want it to happen either. yea. but still feeling a little apprehensive. also a bit scared abt tml. hope we'll still be the chatty us when we're taking our breaks k? was thinking abt this in the day: is worry = love? no rite? cos worry is burdensome but love is not. so worry shouldn't equals love. so when one doesn't worry abt another, it doesn't mean there is no love rite? hmm. come to think of it, i wonder whether couples esp married ones worry abt their spouse. i dun think so hor? if not life will be tiring n all. okay. so worry doesn't equals to love. wanna say a sorry to Reuben. cos today used the speakers den when i put it back, i put the speakers back in place but not the other items. den he wasn't happy. esp since he'd jus came back frm soccer game. den made him upset. plus when i asked abt his soccer games, it wasn't at the right time either. i couldn't understand wad he was toking abt n when i asked him to explain, he tried but i still couldn't understand. so it made him piss. sorry boy! had a good chat wid Sarah ytday. at least one of the longest. ytday she took neoprints wid her frens n were late for 25mins!! some guides hor? but anyway, she said she had fun taking neo prints n we were toking a little on it later tat nite. yea. n she say she wanna take again. n den she suddenly suggest taking neo prints wid me. woah! i'm all for it man! no matter how expensive it is, i dun mind! i'm glad sarah's talkin to me. i think we're beginnin to change. i'm treating her better n i still wanna treat her better each day. wanna tok more to her n chat wid her n spend time wid her... in case u're reading gal, this one is for u: i know we din have a good start, quarreling every other day last time when we're younger but dun want tat to happen. i always hear my frens who have elder sister saying tat they're close to them. n how my fren n their sis tok n chat n go shopping n everything else. I WANNA BE TAT ELDER SIS TO U TOO! yea. said it. muz do tat. look forward to many great days n chats wid u! let's go shopping aft taking neo prints k? let's go Far East Plaza. please? i think it's cheap there. den let's try our luck n anyhow press the machine n try to understand the jap words. haha. den we go shopping/window shopping n i buy u ice-cream k? let's go after my tests end yea? hopefully on one sat or maybe sun =) today did much work. abt 6 hours of work. i'd written it down. it's the 1st time where i write down the number of hours as in the duration of each task i do n so add them all up. yay. it's 1/4 of a day spent doing work. another 1/4 of the day sleeping. i wonder where the other 2 quarters go? i think it's here n there n everywhere :p anyway, picked this skill up frm victor!! yay. thanks man. n i'm happy. wanna keep track now. it's quite encouraging n a good check. n thank you Lord for seeing me thru my studies today! finally finish off the chem assignments =) wun do last min work anymore. kkz. gotta go study chinese already. chinese common test on MONDAY!! --------------------------------- Wednesday, June 21, 2006 @ 7:02 pm hey hey. today was good. not bad. piano was good. learnt alot. glad i practised. glad tat all the hardwork paid off. all the stresses too. teacher say i improved but i know there's still much more to do esp my memory work. no lesson for the next 2 sats. n she give me so much la:
anyway, challenges. grr. okay. jus gotta face it. 2 weeks of no-lesson, it's natural for her to expect this much frm me. i wonder if i expect this much of myself in the first place. starting to let go already. not so distracted today. also partly cos i know he has work to do n so i'd better not disturb him. n also partly cos i got work to do such as clearing up the pieces of paper lying on my table n the consultation tat i'd done ytday. transferring all the info n looking thru them again. but dunno why, still got some maths can't solve n dunno why. wanna ask victor aft his BT2. help me yea? cleared my music file. finally see where n how to change the size of the words on the right. edited a bit of my cbox. yup. tat's abt all. later, hope to do chem. muz finish off the chem assignment 4 already. n maybe look thru chinese? dunno. sian la. chinese. on monday. dun feel lyk studying for it. dun really nid to study wan. the format lyk jus answer lor. no right or wrong answer anyway for the open-ended ones. sigh. boring... --------------------------------- Tuesday, June 20, 2006 @ 9:10 pm yay. got my new blogskin up. yes. finally. a new change. took abt 1 hour to do it. grr. haven't showered n eaten. haha. but THANK YOU VICTOR! thanks for yr help. n change my "lyrics" too. hmm. but jus can't change the size of the words at the bottom. nvm. jus leave it. okay. gotta go already. 2 more posts n i'll hit the 100th post =) cheers
--------------------------------- Monday, June 19, 2006 @ 8:33 pm yes. study a bit today. okay. rather, studied in the afternoon today wid adrian, wen long, charles and victor. in JE library. n saw jack too. wanted to see seng loong and greet him since it's been a real long time i'd seen him. see whether he has changed but ended up seeing jack by surprise. ha. see him again. not long ago, saw him at bb stn n see him again. was talking a bit abt bio. anyway, glad victor was beside me n we agreed last nite tat i'll ask him qns. din ask alot la. din ask maths qn. jus ask physics. here n there. but not all either. dunno if got enough time to ask all the physics qns to Mr Kan tml in 2 hours. but dunno why my mood keep swinging. one moment i was laughing n all, the nxt moment i was piss. yea. i was frustrated. i think it's physics. i dun lyk it. i still dun lyk it. i worry/wonder abt my A level physics nxt year. wonder if i'll ever pass. i muz pass it. i took physics so i'll have an additional option of taking engineering courses. if i dun do well in phys, i can't do those courses then it's wasted. if not, i would gladly take bio man. but grr. i really....I WANNA CHANGE MY PERSPECTIVE ON PHYSICS!! then i can do well. man. quick quick. help me understand the phys concepts n help me to apply it fast!!! dun wanna keep getting stuck in the qns. glad victor was more sensitive now. as in, he'll look at me once in a while n ask if i can do etc. it makes it easier for me to ask for help. jus dun feel comfortable initiating it myself--asking him qns automatically rather than he asking me. i dunno why. but i prefer ppl to ask me if i got any qns rather me telling them i'm stuck. sigh. one more day of practice of piano b4 wed. man. muz prac tml. muz put in more effort. dunno if i shld travel outside sch to study. i'm afraid it's waste time. jus lyk today la. stupidly took 2 buses down frm woodlands to je. shld have taken the train. the journey was 1hr la. stupid. but the mtg was good. talk alot to kw. we chatted alot. glad to see/know he's open. he's one of the first guy i tok to online on msn. i still rmb tat. we chatted quite well on msn then. n when i was suppose to pass him something the nxt day, i told him i forgot how he looks lyk. n i still rmb he gave me a shock when he greeted me by stopping in his own footsteps. gave me quite a shock. josh n shoben was arnd too. n was looking at the other 2 n wondering if they're my classmates also. haha. those times. but aft a while, jus lost a little contact here n there. but well, here we are talking again. good good. he's good at econs peeps! go look for him if u all have trouble wid it k? okay. anyway, good study today. goin to do some more work now. hopefully. wad else to do? suppose to do chem. chem test is lyk way b4 phys n maths but it seems lyk i'm spending most of my time on those 2 rather than on chem. bad bad. guess i'm too complacent. no no. but also tot of doing maths since i'm seeing teacher tml. hmm. dunno....anyway, take care peeps. dun fall sick. n dun stress :P --------------------------------- Sunday, June 18, 2006 @ 2:07 pm hey...i'm fine already. better already.
jus had lunch with deborah, nic, sab n sam. yay. had a good chat wid them though sab was a bit left out. but i was glad i can clique and tok to them. tot it'll be weird since i'm lyk a "new" member in JPTN. ate lunch wid sarah too. she finish her food in 14mins! woah! n tok to her a bit more. yay. nic was also telling us abt last week's worship where uncle henry played n he was "running" as in running on his bass guitar. haha. he jus loves to run on his bass guitar. was also toking abt Ken. he only got a tan. isn't slimmer. n haven't done the standard obstacle course (SOC) yet. ooo..only 2 weeks inside NS. haha. okay. jia you man. sigh. but he din come to church. kinda expect it. but christians guys out there, when u enter NS, MUZ still go to church okay? good good. service was not bad. sigh. but message was on how to build a godly family. sigh. okay la. can't apply it immediately but i want a Christ-centered and loving family nxt time! yea. n i want my husband to be a family-orientated one. wanna do devotions wid the family, esp wid the kids, until they're older n they get into the habit n experience the enjoyment of doing qt on their own. then, n only then, will i let go. but yes, still want family time. haha. hmm. i wonder (again) if i'll have a family. ha. even if i dun, nvm den. the Lord knows wad's best. romans 8:28-29. yup. i've got nth more to say except tat got lotz of work to do later. ya. suppose to go offline at 2.30pm n now's 2.21pm. sigh. gotta work fast. am trying to load pictures n hopefully find a new blog skin! ytday went to st andrews cathedral. it was good. a praise session. was surprised to find out tat it's outside in the new place tat they built. good. got passers-by looking down frm on-top. i guess it's a form of outreach too. but they shld have flashed the lyrics on a screen instead of giving out song sheets. some ppl may not even noe exactly which song is being sung. anyway, the lync band got 3 keyboardists. wow. n the keyboardist frm the adult band was good. not bad. the band is good. i lyk the testimony frm the drummer. the message was good. not long. thank God for the salvations and the re-dedication of lives. oh. hope victor's fine where-ever he is now. hope he's okay n better n studying hard now...take care alright? will pray for u! --------------------------------- Friday, June 16, 2006 @ 5:30 pm "too close too soon"...tat was wad Ruth was telling me ytday while on the phone wid her. tat phrase is self-explanatory. we din discuss abt it. din elaborate on it. i wish i'd seen this phrase earlier. had a smiliar notation few months back. wished i had known this phrase, thereby proving tat my thinking is correct and then, perhaps, things wun happen...
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jus feel lyk crying now. do not know why. i think i'm tired. tired of all tat's happening. tired of the rushed hols. common tests, piano, vacations, hse com camp, packed schedule, SL, PW, band prac, issue...i'm jus tired. very tired n tied down. breaking down....inside ***
i wonder if i'd asked too many qns. i wonder if wad i'm doing is right. i wonder....dunno la. basically, is wonder if i'd offended tat someone. wonder wad tat someone thinks about it. wonder wad the future will be lyk. wonder wad the changes will be. wonder wad will happen. jus dun feel lyk living. jus feel lyk ending it all. then, there's no more wonders. jus a good assurance tat i'll be in heaven where everything is prepared, where there are no more worries, where it is jus so filled wid His glory. hmm. i wonder if He'll let me in, in the first place. wonder if He'll let someone who had committed suicide to enter heaven. i rmb learning tat it's murder n He definitely dun lyk it...hmm...me wondering again. dun lyk it. jus wanna take life simple. jus follow His simple ways.... ***
went out studying today. was suppose to meet the SL ppl wan then change mtg. anyway, was lyk studying ALONE outside. quite lonely. in mac's. but also notice several things. tat there are lonely ppl outside too. okay. kinda mean to call them lonely but ppl entering n sitting alone, having a meal alone. it's kinda lonely. makes me wonder if i'll be lyk tat nxt time. i dun want. i want to have frens whom i'm close wid. i want to have frens whom i can clique wid. i want to have frens whom i can out shopping/hanging out wid. i dun wanna be alone. dun lyk tat feeling. okay. i know i know. we, christians, are never alone. but still, wun there be a longing for frens to be arnd? i dunno. but dun worry, i'll still keep in mind tat God is wid me even when all else fades. studying was not bad. managed to follow schedule quite well. n do quite a number of things. i guess it's cos i'm too organised n stay too much to schedule tat's why havin a slight headache. suppose to play piano now. but i ended up "playing" the keys of the laptop. i dunno. jus wanna take a break. but i wonder if it's a necessary break cos i really nid to play tat PIANO!!! grr. dun lyk. dun lyk to be pressed n pressurized. giving me all those wild thoughts. giving me all those pressure. makes me wanna escape. makes me wanna run away. makes me wanna end it all..... wished i cld talk to someone abt it now. i rmb/think/recall last time, whenever i feel stress up, i'll call on yi xian, my trusted n close fren. i'll talk to yw and sh abt my stresses when i'm in sch. but now, not tat they've left. they've definitely not left me else i wouldn't rmb those times. but jus looking arnd me now n i wonder who are my frens whom i can turn to. who are the few frens tat i can tok to...who are the ones whom i know wld be available n not so busy n willing to tok to me instead of IGNORING my request for calls. okay. me getting upset. din mean to bring tat issue up. i've forgiven u. dun worry. but it's jus tat i was suddenly reminded of it. i'm jus feeling agitated, tat's all. i wanna build good n close frenships wid ppl. wanna take it naturally too. dun wanna rush into things. dun wanna worry. dun want...jus dun want....okay. pls dun see me as a despo peeps (those who are reading this). it's jus me talking to myself... got nth much to say except tml will be a long day for me. expecting myself to be out of the house for exactly 12 hours. let's see how it goes. kk. gotta go play the keys tat i'm suppose to b4 i get upset n all at night again. grant me rest n a mind tat can sustain throughout the remaining day, lord. thank you. --------------------------------- Saturday, June 10, 2006 @ 10:05 am hey! several of my frens are talking abt the house com camp already. hmm. let me tok a bit. feel lyk putting my whole reflection on the blog but it's 5 page long when i type it in word document. i dunno why it's so long la. i din include some stuff. n u peeps ar...so terrible. esp glen n elaine. haha. write stuff abt me n victor in yr blog. haiz. hmm. wondering wad to write abt the house com camp to u peeps.... n i know this is a bit late but jus came back frm msia hols so yup. jus a brief one abt the camp yea?
DAY ONE: played basketball. finally got a chance to tok to charlene n li jian. though i'm not good at basketball, i jus did my best n play n have fun. charlene accidentally hurt her finger. hope it's okay now. good interaction! get to know them better! the ice-breaker game by JC2s was fun!! worked wid ppl of other houses. cheer ppl on. run around. got carried by Glen. was willing la. since i'm so light. but thru this, realised tat there is a form of sacrifice. gotta sacrifice participating in the games. gotta bear the discomfort esp when Glen carries me lyk "fireman" as he calls it. it was so unglamarous when he put one arm in between my legs n carry me sideways. when i immmediately got onto him, i felt super dizzy la. lyk flying arnd n being swing arnd. when he was walking, i tot we were walkin backwards. tat's something tat i gotta bear. but sacrifices are neccessary at times when wanting to complete something. In NUS, the station games were so-so. but i enjoyed the traffic jam game. having played this game many times since 10/11years old. i roughly know how to play the game. so working wid philicia, we guided the group. den Mr Ng came in n challenged us. i learnt the MOST thru this game. learnt to take up risk, challenge myself, believe in myself, not to be discouraged but press on to complete the task. our record?? 42seconds widout talking!!! woohoo! mr ng, u owe us one! through the other games/this wntire activity, learn to work as a team (i know it sounds TYS but it really is frm my heart) n got a chance to see how the JC2s work together =) good debrief. learn n share alot. gain new perspective. LOVE the in-house games by the JC2s. it was super nice working together. glad khalid cheer me on during core stability. dun really lyk it cos i got a weak back. sigh. n christine n i cheer the guys on when doing the push-ups. yay. work together as a team. ahha. plus the stoning pose. wanna get the pic from tiffany soon! chuan kai got kidnapped n we carried him down. it's interesting to carry chuan kai down. nice work LF! Workshop for tat day was boring. DAY TWO mass games. rained. bad. but ate several stuffs. shared the tasks. got 100 points for caterpillar. muddy n dirty. but good game session. nice talk at the canteen. talked to other house members. know them better. play games n chatted. buy items at clementi. but several gals got distracted. not happy wid them. but bought the stuff anyway. sat wid the gals for dinner. cheryl, elena n i bought claypot rice n ate. i ate the most n natallie say i keep eating alot la. but din finish it. had good n nice chats as we tok abt the JC2s. nice. trading ship wasn't very very nice. christine accidentally fell. was scary. glad the neck was okay after a while. the game was mundane. but the nicest was the in-house game by JC2 tat nite. it was totally IMPACTFUL!! they takan us. but i was expecting it. there were rumors abt wad the game will be lyk b4 the game started. it really bonded us together. it bought us close together, taught me to look out for one another, to stand firm and stay close to one another. it was a great lesson tat i took back. indeed, after the game, could see tat the gap among us have closed up. we care more for each other. n i want this to continue too. i want 7th house com to stay united n stay close as ONE!!! yes! LEAVE NO MAN BEHIND!! thank you JC2s! DAY THREE The challenge. celared up doubts on wad to say and we split up after we'd reached the orchard area. my area was at PS. and thankfully it was there. there were many ppl esp youngsters in the morning. for me, i'd done road survey b4 so it isn't really tough for me to approach ppl. but i think one tough thing is to make it interesting and attractive such tat ppl will go to the booth. tat's one thing. but overcome it. indeed the presence of the JC2s were really encouraging! esp when seeing one whole big grp of them. but it also frightened the 2 ppl whom i managed to ask them to visit the booth. ha. there was once where we spotted one of our saints and he brought the whole grp of ex-classmates to see our booth. lol. raise the count by alot. another interesting thing is tat when i approached 2 guys and mentioned "i love you, thank you" campaign, he said, "wah. so soon? i haven't got to know u yet". lol. and another incident which Chrsitine personally encounter is a mother who din have a gd impression of SAJC but after seeing us, hope it'll change her mind!! all in all, the whole challenge was good. we hit 135 ppl. tat's good. i feel it's a good experience. glad mr ng was there to give us suggestions n do short debriefs. aft tat, went to istana park n did reflection and write down who we think shld be captain and vice captain n reflect on other ppl's good and bad pts. some are quite hard to write. muz talk to these ppl more so as to know both sides of them. hope to grow closer to LF ppl. n of course the whole hse com! this camp really makes me LOVE 7th house council! yeah! rockz on 7th House! we're gonna have a great time ahead! --------------------------------- Saturday, June 03, 2006 @ 12:27 pm finally the laptop load this page. take so long wan. grr. anyway, had a good chat wid him last nite. late last nite though. bad. he was trying to change my perspective but....haha. yes, i'm not tat open to it yet. but will bear tat in mind la. also can see the other side of the issue. it's been a long time since we'd this kinda talk. yeah. glad we had it. but also there's lotz of difference. the whole of ytday, was jus feeling so terrible. lyk dunno wad to expect, dunno wad will happen. i'll never know anyway. but i think one thing i muz bear in mind is to TRUST in God. now, still have tat uneasy feeling. i wonder wad it is. i really do not know. but one thing i do hope is tat it wun affect my piano lesson n band prac later. it affected me while i was practisin the piano at home. i hope it wun be later on. i guess one thing is the fear of losing a fren, the fear of being ignored, the fear of having no one to talk to....so many fears...bad uh? haha. human. but this human is special cos she has God. n so are other humans who are alike. yeah. we got a living God! sigh. trust...
oh! jus love perfect timings from God. i call it "coincidentals" wid the inverted commas! haha. real glad God spoke to both of us abt the same issue at the same time. but one thing i dun lyk abt myself is tat i dun have the courage to tell him. i wonder why. fear again? man. i must really gather all my courage n not be intimidated by him. lol. ytday, stayed home the whole day while yw n sh went out. i think they went to ps. but anyway, it's a pity i din get to meet them. i fell sick. real sick. bad cough. block n running nose. fever previously. headache previously. so rested ytday. so sick still go out do road survey but God saw me thru. went home tat day n took a real good rest. slept alot tat day. i think it's cos of all the late nites. sigh. i knew i'll fall real sick one day wid all the late nites. luckily it's sch hols now else i'll miss many lessons. or worse still, force myself to go to sch. yea. i think tat is wad i'll most prob do. feel much better after resting the whole at home ytday. but...got real STRESS UP!!! suddenly, the whole fear of not scoring well, not rememberin my concepts (esp the maths graphing techniques), not doing well enough to get my H3...it's very scary. n i'm scared. got very stress up. legs were also restless the whole day as it wasnts to get outta the house. but...tat's besides the point. argh! so scared. plus my holiday schedule is not so favourable. i wun be able to see my phys tutor for any sessions till the week b4 sch starts. which means gotta turn to victor (who's very busy, dunno whether he got time for me) n khairul (i've confidence i can meet him but it's a matter of whether i want to or not). i guess. we'll see how it goes. but i'm real scared. commited to God but i think muz really learn to let go. muz learn to not focus on asking God to give me good results but on asking God to open my eyes to see n learn the concepts. tat's wad uncle clarence told me the last time. tat's wad he prayed for. n he got the first class honours. wow rite? ahha. i also want. but dun covet. jus let God do wad he wants wid me. okay. on the last note, jus want to say to you, --------------------------------- Thursday, June 01, 2006 @ 8:20 am hey. fell sick ytday. real sick n felt really terrible last nite. my throat hurts, nose running. nose ran since afternoon when i met yi xian. oh! yi xian brought along a fren! nice. his name is jian jun. i rmb i have to ask yx several times his name. tough to rmb chinese names. n he's 18 this year. a j1 though cos he's a sec 5. wow right? a sec 5 go JC. way to go! n he isn't regretting it. ate kunch then sat down n chatted n waited for time to pass. then went up to cck lib. saw chen san! glad to hear she's happy in CJC. n couldn't find space in cck lib. travelled to jurong west lib. sat on the bus n hear yx tell me lotz of stuff. we're sharing stories la. glad to catch up wid him! n so, went to the lib, found good seats by the window. hey! tat place was real good! lyk je lib lyk tat...tables, chairs, bean bags...jus tat it's much quieter. also means can fall aslp easily. tat's wad yx did. fell aslp. we helped each other in phys n i did chem too. close to 4 hours =)
waited for ken to arrive. when he did, was surprised to see him in the no 4 uniform.he usually change out but not this time. initially felt lyk so wow cos i'm walking beside a person wearing no 4. it's lyk so woooow....haha. okay. bein lame here. was talking abt interacting wid gals, abt his taiwan exercise etc. can't rmb. n was shopping arnd after tat. i wanted to buy sumthing. so went into every shop n hear more tales. when i entered the last shop, i ask him if i'm worse than his "gal" n he said yes. haha. oh. his "gal" means last time his ex. he still calls her his gal. so i jus follow suit. sigh. poor guy. the gal wasn't even good to him la. n she had flown off to australia to study. but he din even sent her off. sigh. oh well. tat's his issue. anyway, good chat. left the place arnd 8.20pm. see dear, nothing happen la. dun worry so much k? anyway, later got road survey. rather exciting. i hope danny can photocopy the papers. n i hope i'll recover fast. i dun wanna fall sick. i wanna enjoy myself at the camp n contribute. i wanna enjoy myself at msia. grr. i wanna be well n healthy!! last nite God did sumthing great to me! yeah. he healed me slightly. oh no, feeling lyk a headache is coming. noooooo. please dun. grr. better stop thinking abt it den. later in the evenin got ken (another ken) farewel party as he enter NS. cool. i wonder wad we'll do to him. but victor was telling me not to go. cos i'm sick. tat's one. n another is so i wun pass the germs to ken so he wun be sick when he entered. ha. i dunno. but i sure dun wanna miss the opportunity to see ken the last time. n hear his ghost stories n lame jokes. i bet he'll tell those again n i'll get freak-out by it. ha. --------------------------------- |