finally the laptop load this page. take so long wan. grr. anyway, had a good chat wid him last nite. late last nite though. bad. he was trying to change my perspective but....haha. yes, i'm not tat open to it yet. but will bear tat in mind la. also can see the other side of the issue. it's been a long time since we'd this kinda talk. yeah. glad we had it. but also there's lotz of difference. the whole of ytday, was jus feeling so terrible. lyk dunno wad to expect, dunno wad will happen. i'll never know anyway. but i think one thing i muz bear in mind is to TRUST in God. now, still have tat uneasy feeling. i wonder wad it is. i really do not know. but one thing i do hope is tat it wun affect my piano lesson n band prac later. it affected me while i was practisin the piano at home. i hope it wun be later on. i guess one thing is the fear of losing a fren, the fear of being ignored, the fear of having no one to talk to....so many fears...bad uh? haha. human. but this human is special cos she has God. n so are other humans who are alike. yeah. we got a living God! sigh. trust...

oh! jus love perfect timings from God. i call it "coincidentals" wid the inverted commas! haha. real glad God spoke to both of us abt the same issue at the same time. but one thing i dun lyk abt myself is tat i dun have the courage to tell him. i wonder why. fear again? man. i must really gather all my courage n not be intimidated by him. lol.

ytday, stayed home the whole day while yw n sh went out. i think they went to ps. but anyway, it's a pity i din get to meet them. i fell sick. real sick. bad cough. block n running nose. fever previously. headache previously. so rested ytday. so sick still go out do road survey but God saw me thru. went home tat day n took a real good rest. slept alot tat day. i think it's cos of all the late nites. sigh. i knew i'll fall real sick one day wid all the late nites. luckily it's sch hols now else i'll miss many lessons. or worse still, force myself to go to sch. yea. i think tat is wad i'll most prob do. feel much better after resting the whole at home ytday. but...got real STRESS UP!!!

suddenly, the whole fear of not scoring well, not rememberin my concepts (esp the maths graphing techniques), not doing well enough to get my H3...it's very scary. n i'm scared. got very stress up. legs were also restless the whole day as it wasnts to get outta the house. but...tat's besides the point. argh! so scared. plus my holiday schedule is not so favourable. i wun be able to see my phys tutor for any sessions till the week b4 sch starts. which means gotta turn to victor (who's very busy, dunno whether he got time for me) n khairul (i've confidence i can meet him but it's a matter of whether i want to or not). i guess. we'll see how it goes. but i'm real scared. commited to God but i think muz really learn to let go. muz learn to not focus on asking God to give me good results but on asking God to open my eyes to see n learn the concepts. tat's wad uncle clarence told me the last time. tat's wad he prayed for. n he got the first class honours. wow rite? ahha. i also want. but dun covet. jus let God do wad he wants wid me.

okay. on the last note, jus want to say to you, u'll be there when i need u rite? i can always go to you when i need a listening ear rite? u wun ignore me rite?