You are my God...you are my God...[if it takes long, pls wait]

Thursday, January 31, 2008 @ 2:36 pm

[recounting]

well, now in office. typing this. this morning, received a shock frm yi chen. he msg me askin me to tell zhi wen that he has to report to summit today. then, he told me that the 4 of them will be back in summit today. was quite sad cos can't see zw and hear his explanation of a phase he used last night. then, found out tt they are only back there for today! so they will be back tml! yay!

so today was only jia wen and i in the office. well, i am glad that i can spend time alone with him. it's been some time since i can do so. and we can tok so much more things other than army stories. today, we talked abt childhood days and siblings. nice! and for lunch, we ordered 4 dishes and 2 plates of rice (: something different!

so we were quite bored here in office. after doing ms chay's work, not much things to do. we played taboo a while and noticed he takes quite some time to think. jus lyk samuel and gabriel (: so jus now, got a msg frm shu ning to watch a video and i voted for him! partly cos it's CTSS!!! the new sch building. and it's a comedy show. haha. found YJC and jw started sayin that the guy teacher in the show was his GP teacher! plus, they have 2 pool tables la! so cool! haha. their sch looks quite modernised...so SAJC got into finalist for animation! the website: http://www.evideo.edu.sg/sdma/voting_view.asp?v=87 vote for them whether or not it's fantastic. haha. plus CTSS ones: http://www.evideo.edu.sg/sdma/voting_view.asp?v=22 & http://www.evideo.edu.sg/sdma/voting_view.asp?v=64 These 2 are fantastic!

okay. then we were packing boxes once and i went to sit on a hard bundle that was on a table. and suddenly, i became as tall as jw! can finally see him at eye-level. it does feel good. so started chatting. haha. well, i do miss the 4 of them tat left for summit but am glad to have jw as solo company again! =))

on tue, went out with Jun Kang to catch 27 dresses! at GV Plaza. $6.50 :) the movie was nice..a good storyline though a bit lyk Music & Lyrics. the actress acted well and the emotions are brought out clearly till at one point, i almost wanted to cry along. we got seats 4 rows from the front! it was super near and hard for me to watch! watch till my eyes hurt. and oh! i lyk the credits! the way they do it was unique and special! so for dinner, we ate a yoshinoya! a place that i'd always wanted to go to! yum yum. then, after the movie, i treated him at gelare waffle plus ice-cream since he'd never eaten there b4. plus a reward for him for doing well for O's. besides, the waffles was half-price. and it tasted so nice! always nice! =) it was a nice night-out. well, i was afraid something will happen

then, at bukit panjang, suet mee called me. and that's where we found out that we were actually on the same bus 190 and boarded it at the same bus stop! cool! but we missed each other until she saw me alighting at BPP there..

oh. and that tue afternoon, for lunch, my guy colleagues ordered in pizza! it was the first time i see a delivery for pizza. and thankfully, there is a promotion: 2 pizzas for $22. so it wasn't too expensive. nice nice anyway. ate 3 pieces and quite quickly. haha.

on wed, i was super emotional. was feeling sad the moment i woke up. and i din exactly get my usual slp in the morning. but still, it was nice to hv zw's company on the bus! and i dun want him to skip the bus jus so i can slp. haha. but thank God for letting me be able to tok it out to him giving jus a brief idea. though until now, i never really did figure tt out.

caught a bit of fever that wed. zw touched my forehead upon request and said there's nth wrong but when jw automatically touched my forehead, and play with me somemore, he said that there is a little bit. ha. but i din wanna go home after lunch. wanna earn the money. so after lunch, i did feel better :) thank God!

so on the way home that wed, zw took the train all the way to CCK. so when the rest alighted, it was left with he and i. i took a seat pretty early at city hall. so went to slp since i badly needed one. b4 i slept, i saw alvin (the last person to alight b4 us) and zw facing away from me though they are standing in front of me. so i felt quite alright and started to doze off. i woke up suddenly at redhill there and saw tt zw was facing me! i was totally shocked! but whenever i look up, he din see me. so then, i tried to continue slping but it was hard. it was certainly uncomfortable to slp when my fren is facing me. i'd to keep tellin myself to slp. in the end, i managed to catch only a few winks. that night, zw told me tat he lyk to see me slp..saying that i look peaceful & satisfied when i slp. haha. i was surprised he saw me la. embarrassing yet something that had been in my fairy-tale dreams. haha. sweet..

okay. so besides that, jus wanna say that I managed to change my Final Theory Test Date!! yay! so happy! to much earlier such that i nid to step up on my revision for it else i wun be able to do well for the evaluation and pass it again! thank God anyway for that chance! =))

oh oh. yesterday, all of us (my colleagues and i)played pictionary! for one full hour! zw and i are in one team while alvin, jw & leonard are in another. it was fun! had alot of laughter too! and alvin and jw are indeed very good GOOD drawers!! =))

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Sunday, January 27, 2008 @ 9:04 pm

[reflection]

today, eleena taught us during sunday school time. on part 1 of Character of God. it was awesome! meaningful and thought-provoking! esp for us 2nd generation christians. it's back to basics. so the nxt 3 lessons are on foundations. today, the thing that hit me most is "big-ness of God" and "you may know about God but do you know Him?" the 2nd one hit the hardest. wad is God to me? who is He? have i been spending enough time to really know Him and let Him tok to me? and i believe this is something that I need to work on...

well, was reading the follow-up material i borrowed and it hit me once again that all the other religions is about man reaching out to God but for Christianity, it is God reaching out to man. how awesome and wonderful it is! that the Bible gives us the assurance that God is knocking on the door of our hearts unfailingly until we choose to let him in. and how wonderful that He loves us so much to do so. thank you, Lord!

well, jus watched Secret. the jay chou movie. it's so touching and romantic! so nice la! i almost cried. and i felt lyk watching it again. the storyline is really interesting. reminds me of My Classic korean movie. man. the movie seems short as i watch it. nevertheless, it still touches me. esp since it involves music and piano! reminds me that I've only watched August Rush halfway..it's another music-lyk movie. sigh. music..man..i wish there can be more movies involving music! jus touches me. lyk Music and Lyrics! haha. thanks to jia wen for lending me the dvd! i know i owe you for 2 weekends now..

fri got cell grp. looking fwd. hope the new 17-year-olds and weng fai plus jethro will come. and hope it'll be a good time spent tgt. i was quite sad abt something. and that made me think this: if the rs you are in deters you frm spending that regular time you have with God, wad good is that rs? wad kinda testominy does it bear to others? and how tragic it is that God isn't at the center of the rs esp if both parties are Christians for a long time. well, for me, i do hope that rs will have God in the center pic. jus as wad the triangle depicts: as both guy and gal draw closer to God, they will draw closer to each other. how nice it wld be to study God's Word and grow together? mm. well, i jus pray tat my next rs will be one where it's really Christ-centered. that the guy will really be a godly and spiritually strong one. that he'll not take a rs for fun but as something serious and sacred...

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Saturday, January 26, 2008 @ 4:15 pm

[relieved]

finally, a week's over! and jus thinking about my work week, it seems lyk i've known my new colleagues for ages! we can clique so well...or at least, the guys can clique well. i'm jus there sitting down, listening to their ns stories and can't contribute much. only hear and laugh. but i did tok to them..abt other things too! so all in all, we can chat well tgt--5 guys and 1 gal.

esp with zhi wen. well, he's lyk the serious side of jia wen. nice guy. stays near my place too! so tempting to ask him out one day to go bpp jus to eat ice cream or shop. i guess i will one day! dun wanna miss the chance..i hardly get frens who live so close by me. reminds me of nigel teh. the last time, on his bday, we ate in swensons at bpp! ice cream! tat's the cool thing abt frens who lived so near you..can go home tgt too! i wonder how's he doing now. din hear frm him after prom. i hope he's alright!

so on fri, the last day of the work week, yi chen and alvin took half-day off. and leonard din turn up. so tt leaves the 3 of us--jia wen, zhi wen and myself. then the guys got quite demoralised in doing the work cos it's alot of hard work if it's only the 3 of us. so we began slacking arnd. and i tell you, it's really lyk earning free money. firstly, we jus did a little work then rest for a long time.

then, we also started playing pictionary, hang-man and bingo with each other! for one full hour! it was fun la! esp pictionary. one person gives the word, the other person draw and the last person guess. so we took turns. and jw is such a good drawer! he can draw bull so well la! very real and nice! haha. there were lots of fun and laughters! nice! and not fogetting my line: "let's play doctor-nurse-and-patient!" after seeing a black box tat looks lyk a medical box doctors in movies carry. i think i was too childish. totally not being lyk an 18-year-old teen. zw even commented on it. ha. i think i'd better stop my nonsense.

but we did do work la. pack files in. write reference numbers again. we actually packed alot of boxes though it can seem lyk we slacked alot. and i helped to carry the files too! to stop my hungry monster frm growling. plus the water monster tat jw jus gave it a name. it happens whenever i drink water or gulp air. then, my stomach will make a sound. it's so embarrassing la. tat jw hears it :S

well, from carrying all the files, my arm aches a little. boo. well, thank God i can still play the keyboard jus now. but i think if i play the piano, it'll hurt alot.

well, on thu, on the way back home, i met guan hui. i was surprised. but i'm glad we can still recognise each other. neither of us change alot. he was in full No 4 uniform. and when i saw his field pack, i knew he was in BMT. then, he told me tat he got a fever so he booked out on thu. man. i was so worried for him. i offered him a lift home (my dad drivin the car of course) but he declined. i hope he's alright by now! he was the batch tat went in on 11 jan..normal BMT sch.

on fri, i went for church prayer mtg. for the first time. not bad. was quite happy to see the turn-up of ppl frm church..well. it was not bad. jus a bit long and draggy in the front and rushing at the back. all in all, a good start to push me to pray. and thank God for the openess of the chr members to share their prayer requests so we can pray for them! i hope to make it for every prayer mtg!!

so today, i went to market with mum. to look at the clothes. then, realised there was flea market! yay! nice! =)) so hang arnd and man, my eyes jus dazzled and open big big la. esp the dresses! nice! almost bought one!

i also headed to my hair salon there. and thankfully, someone cancelled the appt and my mum called jus in time for me! so i got a haircut. was their first customer! and suddenly, this guy came in and asked iris something. and he looked super-duper familiar!! i even looked up and see his face more clearly and he do look lyk a senior of mine! i looked at him for several moments but when he looked at me, he showed no sign tat he knows me. then, while i was at the door, i paused and turned to him. i asked if he's frm ctss. so random and weird. i wonder if it took him by surprised. but sadly, he said he isn't. then i jus apologised tat i muz have mistaken and left. but i say, he really looks familiar!! i muz have met him at some camp...anyway, he looks handsome ^^

so finally. khalis commissioning parade on thu. glad that i'd hanessah's company! she really rocks! her friendliness and openness to me to share things abt herself..plus her family is really nice! even her grandparents can speak english! btw, hanessah is khalis' sister. met her once to borrow her calculator. anyway, i'm really glad to have her company. the parade was nice. thank God the rain stopped b4 it is supposed to start. and i reached there in time too.

so pics below. parade. was totally wow-ed and awed to see the marches. slow time and quick time and the small formation. never seen one right b4 my eyes b4. so took lots of photos and videos. and i got the privilege to see the dad change rank for khalis and video-ed it too :) the reception was good. and also see the LF and PL (red rhino and fire engine, in layman's term) close-up. saw the 9-storey high building. and the HUGE acid-soda fire extinguisher! plus his bunk! gotta see wad it's lyk and all. nice! not forgetting the axe presentation! they are given an axe cos in US/UK, it is an effective tool to a fire-fighter.. well, i wonder if i'll ever get a chance again. i think it's rare to have frens or even my bro to be posted to SCDF and commission as an officer!

well, i jus wanna say tat i'm happy for khalis! i really am. after seeing him throughout his entire officer course, i really feel glad when he commissions. his commission seems lyk my commission emotionally too. but i guess, my joy is nothing compared to his--after he went through fire (literally) and all the trainings and exercises! and well, all the thank-you's i've expressed to him on card already. so here, jus wanna say this: CONGRATS!!!

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Monday, January 21, 2008 @ 8:59 pm

[recounting, emotional]

so today the new temp staffs came from summit. initially there were supposed to be 4 of them but it turned out to be 3 cos one of them took leave. so all 3 of them are older than me. boo. all the same age as jia wen..all 21 years old. so that makes me the youngest among all of them today.

and i'd a horrible lunch! not that the food wasn't nice but i was super stressed during lunch! i'd to practically eat faster than usual and had to keep my mouth shut no matter how much i wanna tok to them. it was totally stressful and unenjoybale esp when jw keeps laughing at me. haha. sigh. i dun think i'll ever wanna eat with them again starting tml. why bother to stress myself out at the only time i can relax without feeling guilty? yee. *shrugs* well, guess it's lonely lunch all the way till i shift location and get jw back as my sole companion for lunch (:

well, the temps name are zhi wen, alvin and yi chen (jw's fren). zw is a nice guy. toks more to me than the others. at least he asks me qns instead of me always asking them qns. alvin is nice to tok to once there is something to tok abt. and he always listen to his ipod and play the psp. and yi chen, well, he often hangs arnd jw. so dun get a chance to tok to him alot. even so, on the way home on the train, it was pretty silent. we din tok much either. sigh. why so quiet, guys??

okay. so hope to see zw on the bus 67 tml morning! will try to collaborate with him..on the way home jus now, i started reflection then felt quite piss. quite piss with my situation i'm in. i was wondering if i really deserve it. okay. i cut off the rest of the parts. dun wanna elaborate here...

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Sunday, January 20, 2008 @ 10:05 pm

[happy]

well, went out with jk today for lunch and shopping. shopped for ding yang's bday present and also someone else's card.. went into all the gift shops. at least we din walk arnd till legs very tired. but i think it was very hard for him. he accidentally trip over a drain and injure his ankle. i feel so bad la. so sorry to have made you run jus cos i over-estimated the time...

anyway, it was nice. shopping arnd and having jk's company. esp the treat of the pie at BK! i've never eaten a pie in BK b4! haha. thanks! and it's so cool realising that we both know yan sze and elieen :) and thanks for helping me carry the tin of biscuits! he's a really nice gentleman with his words and actions. but also have glib tongue la. haha.

well, got an update frm jia wen. there are now 3 guys who happen to be jw's army frens coming tml to my office. the 4th guy is younger than me. wah! crazy la. then they all will be down there toking and leaving me alone. bleah! i hope they will be nice ppl and tok to me too instead of among yourself.

i wonder why i'm so uptight abt the frens-company thing. on one hand, i do wish to make more frens and new frens! i used to be that kinda person and i think a part of it is still left in me. but on the other hand, i'm afraid i'll lose jw as my fren and company. i wonder why...and jw keeps telling me to see how it goes. and he said this cute thing on sms: "no lah. we'll all be frens!" haha. it was so funny! but i hope it'll be a reality! and quit worrying, Sharon!!!

well, catch up with jeremy today. it was nice. then, nic joined into the conversation and started telling us all his tough training..and deb re-bonded her hair! shocked me but it looks not bad on her! (:

oh! le jing's back! sam and le ying's bday today! =) okay. gotta go now. see ya!

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Saturday, January 19, 2008 @ 9:15 pm

[full stomach]

great! i jus found out another nice eating place in clementi! botak jones! nice. authentic american food. that's wad they say. well, it isn't too bad. i ate fish n chips. the price range is okay la. abt $6-$10. average $7-9. and they are located at the kopitiam. no joking. tat means it isn't a restaurant. and today was super cool. they hired a person to play the keyboard and sing. it was awesome! was hearin how he played the keyboard. totally rocks!

after tat, we headed off to sunset way to buy ice-cream. in the car, we were talking about who is paying. then, mum say the one who jus got a job to pay. tat's me. but! after a while, i recalled tt my mum signed a contract with CDAC today! so it shld be her! well, anyway, we went there and saw the "the daily scoop" ice cream cafe. there were very few seats. not enough for the 5 of us. so we waited outside for a while b4 deciding to buy back the ice cream and eat in the car! even though we are eating cones.

and know wad? it ended up as me treating them the ice cream! actually, it's jus the 3 of us. reuben got mint that looks white in colour! for the first time, both of us saw the mint flavour in white. sarah got their version of cookies n cream. and i got this coffee based liqueur ice cream. haha. liqueur again. reminds me of the time evelyn, le jing and i went for dessert and i ordered a liqueur ice cream too. ha. it tasted nice. but after a while, i dunno why i stopped tasting anything. ha. then, now, i'm feeling sleepy. i wonder if it's cos of the liqueur. mum said the taste is strong but i felt tt the coffee taste was stronger. hmm.

anyway, it feels good to treat them too. and i definitely feel full after eating ice cream. hmm. i wonder why mum and dad din get any. i would really lyk to treat them too. although treating the 2 of them cost me quite a lot, but to treat my parents, it's really nth compared to wad they'd been payin for me...

sigh. personal statement!! arh!! sigh. lazy me. gotta do it soon! melbourne uni and UNSW have to pay for the fees :( not cheap somemore...

mon there will be new temps coming! 4 of them. yay! ms leong said it'll be all guys. haha. i wonder how old they will be. reuben's age, my age or jia wen's age. haha. i hope they will be nice ppl and not too quiet. and tt i'll still hang arnd jia wen. i mean, he being my fren for 2 weeks now and being close to each other..dun wanna be carried away jus cos there are new faces..mm.

and i'm thinking of giving tuition after i get my A's..sign up with the tuition agency..haha. inspired by jw's fren who called him up during work one day...okay. tat's all then. ciao!

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@ 6:01 pm

[going insane]

haha. i'm not angry but i think i'm going boonkes watching so many shows! haha. i jus finished watching this korean drama called My Girl! it rocks! i teared twice. when gong-chan had to leave and when yoo rin apologised to the grandpa in tears. i dun lyk the grandpa and miss kim. yee. their character is so bad. well, this show is something new. the storyline is new but i dun think it can a reality. nevertheless, my first korean drama i watched. well, i still prefer the other korean movie i watched in jessie's house: my classic. i think tat's the title of the show. oh well. and i learnt korean words too! it's totally cool! lyk thank you! =) and nowadays, i can recognise ppl who are speaking korean...

well, yesterday i went out with jia wen. purposely dressed nicely for it. and headed to bugis junction. he was so mean at first la. forget abt our date. until i reach the office and told him i wanted to go bugis then he remembered. initially, he wanted to tell me he'll be takin train with me to the west cos he's mtg his frens there. for a movie somemore. so tt made him double mean. haha. but anyway, he cancelled his mtg wid his frens. they n him are cool abt it. okay lor. at least he din make noise or pull a long face when he went out with me. in fact, it was a pleasant trip out!

we took a really long time to decide where to eat. from using the office com to see the directory of bugis junction prior to leaving office to walking 3 levels to look at the menu of the different restaurants. and he always say "up to you". haha. so really is up to me lor. we settled for seafood harvest even though i can't eat many seafood. i settled for grilled salmon and had such a full dinner! so did jw. he ate this seafood rice thing. i'm glad he was full :) money was worth it. and i jus realised tt seafood harves is under jack's place! so cool. no wonder the student meal menu is lyk jack's place's one. hmm. and it's so typical of a guy...dun check receipt wan. only after they had paid. ha.

well, after that, we went shopping..went to bossini cos he wanna look for a shirt for himself. a polo tee for cny. showed me too. but in the end, he din buy. ha. then, started shopping arnd the push cart shops and i was pointing out to him several gifts for him to buy for his fren. in the end, also din buy. haha. but it was nice shopping. my eyes were dazzled and my hands very itchy..

saw alot of beautiful necklaces. jus something for my eyes to feast on. never to hold them. too expensive though they look really nice. haha. i also had a lot of fun trying hats! i lyk trying them! it makes me look so pretty! haha. thick skin i know. and i'm so glad to have jw arnd...he's so tall so he can help me reach for the hats on top! haha. went to see alot of clothes shops too! seriously alot till jw looked bored and stood at one side. ha. but he was nice. keep denying he isn't bored. saying tt it gives him a chance to enter gals shops and see wad it's lyk :)

so we walked into quite a no of shops including guys shops. got a call frm samuel in tekong too! so glad he called :) and i'm so sorry to hear you had to be confined. i hope it wun happen again! and well, we shopped till our legs and feet really hurt. by the time we decide to leave, it was actually pretty late. at arnd 9.30pm plus. and i was so bold to ask him to accompany me to the bus stop :) but over there, he also took a straight bus home. glad for him. and i cld see that singaporeans are really kiasu. 3 buses behind, they will walk towards it and board it. yee...*shrugs*

well, this outing really let me know him more. and interestingly, got a chance to tok to him abt marriage and kids. and of course, our current familiy esp abt home-cooked food. well, the more i look at him, the more i find him good-looking. refined facial features. and perhaps it's cos of his character that made him more handsome. tat's always the case with me. the better the character the person, regardless of whether he's not handsome in the world's eyes, he'll always be handsome to me :) and one of the things i'll always keep in mind was when he asked if i'm okay after being in the toilet for a long time. i was fine. there was long queue and i'd to put my make-up all over again. so it took me some time. but tt qn jus touched me. haha.

well, a pity i forgot to take a photo with him tt day but next time! i definitely wanna take one with you! and hope to go out with you again! =) before either of us leaves the company. but i think, after tat, i do hope to still keep in touch with ya!

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Friday, January 18, 2008 @ 3:45 pm

[elated, reminiscing]

yesterday, i went back to CTSS!!! i took over yi xian's role. then, when i reached there, i was told to take over stephanie's role since she was having high fever. so i helped teck joo in the station game called: Endurance & Encouragement.

well, first, i wasn't late for sch! was super happy! called hilmi hoping to meet him up first but he din pick it up! thankfully he took the mrt and i chanced upon him. glad i can still recognise him! :) had a great chat with him. and then, i met theodore and saw mr loh's daughter! so cute! chatted and then had to gather for flag raising! wow! it has been a long time since i went for one! esp at ctss. and i tell you, when i stepped into the sch, a feeling of missing-her and reminiscent flooded over me. and all the words that keep coming out was "ah..i miss ctss. man. i really do..."

so, after flag raising, met up with the new teacher in charge. she's very pretty!and also found out that mr ng is now the VP! wow! nice! :) i think he deserves it! hang arnd in the sch compound and met ding yang first. a junior. 2 years younger. a nice and handsome chap. so after all the chats, i settled up in the classroom and toked to teck joo. get to know the game better etc. it's actually about getting the ppl to squeeze into a box, sing a song & syllabus. plus a bonus game of body parts on the floor.

teck joo led the first class in the game. subsequently, cos he'd to go and prepare the campfire, i led the next 2 classes in the game. my first class was 1A3 and Jason was one of their facilitators! tj was tellin me about him and i figured out he was jus 1 year my junior. when his class was leaving, he actually said, "Thank you teacher!" man! i was shocked! do i look lyk a teacher?? then i explained to him that i'm jus his 1 year-senior. haha. but he really is a good and enthusiastic leader. i wonder how come i've never noticed him b4..hmm..

so after that, was a long break for me. so while finding hilmi, i found ding yang. then, he became my tour guide and showed me around the new sch compound. nice. he was also telling me all the ghost stories about that sch :) had great laughs at the students in the other stations. then, proceeded to help out at his station. and through his station, i learnt a new game! =) yay! i also got a chance to hear how a teacher conduct a debrief! it was great and meaningful!

so had lunch. catered one. from Food Haven and the food is really not nice! horrible. but still finished it. so after lunch, i'd 2 more classes with me. first was 1A1 and that's where i met Jun Kang. also 2 years my junior and this time, i get to tok more to him. we both found each other familiar but we jus can't rmb the name nor where we'd met each other. anyway, so played the games. grrreat thanks to him and the other 2 faciliators of the class! really needed that help since tj left. plus, i was so short, i had to stand on the chair and give instructions! haha. by the time my 3rd class come in, i was already quite familiar with how to give instructions effectively. so glad jun kang stayed back to help me out for the 3rd class!

so i got promoted from a help-out to a game station master. cool! after that, i started taggin along with jun kang. hang arnd since hilmi was busy with the campfire preparation. get to chat quite a lot with him too :) but of course, there was work to do too! together with other facilitators, we helped to arrange chairs for the parents! when it's done, we started touring all the classes since we were so bored. we pop in and looked at every class before going back to his original class: 1A1. there, i made a hat for the masscot! it was nice! i anyhow fold wan but at least it worked!

later on, we contacted ding yang and asked him to get the camp tees for us. and it's so surprising that he has so much energy to run up & down the stairs. den all 3 of us started heading to mac's outside after seeing the Food Haven catering van entering the sch compound. they led me to the mac's near sch. a pity hilmi can't join us nor can we find theodore. den mix up jk's order. oops! sorry! had a good meal :)

so reached back to sch in time. saw jian wen in full No 4! cool! managed to tok a little with him. quite sad that he injured his back only after 4 weeks in BMT. nevertheless, glad to see him again. he still has the same old look. but taller now. much taller :) so campfire started. nice. managed to get a light stick! my first one! nice and pretty. i got pink! helped a sec 1 gal break it. and i broke the light stick for jk too. and some disrespectful sec 5s tot tat i'm sec 1 even after i'd told them i'm their senior. hmph.

campfire was not bad. saw the opening of it. that fireball. but the fire was still very small. it almost died at one point of time. sigh. i still miss the sec 2 camp tat campfire. tat fire was really big, strong and good! soon, hilmi brought hua sheng! wow! i was very happy to see him! i stared at him from afar b4 exclaiming his name! boy! wasn't i glad to see my old classmate! still the same old him. haha. then jk also found him familiar. then they both concluded that they had met each other in peer support grp. hmm.

so halfway thru the campfire, it started to rain. boo. so all the parents had to proceed to the canteen to have refreshments while the students went up to the classrooms. so sad it rained. and i was toking to khalis when it started raining. well, i'm glad to tok to him after so long. well, you can literally count it as days but it really seems lyk years. anyway, glad he invited me for his commissioning parade. i tot he wun and was really mentally prepared not to go. but the event is still on my calendar and always will be! and he refused to let me invite jk! boo. i'll respect his decision no matter wad. thanks for the invitation man!

well, after i hung up on the phone, i felt so bad..i din help to keep all the chairs. oops. my bad. then, i headed to the canteen. waited for the rain to stop and to chat with my batch ppl--hua sheng, hilmi and theodore. jk joined us later after he went to 3 places to get an umbrella for me. then, it turned out tt it was a passing shower. aww. but the tot counts! and i'm glad i'd a good chat with the guys. and took photos too! here!

after that, it was time to go home! jk walked me out to the bus stop. and i treated the guys red bull since he was buying frm the supermarket. and boy! wasn't the light so bright! really hurt my eyes. and i was so surprised to see the digitalised price tag! haha. i'm such a noob. come to think of it, it has really been a long time since i'd went to a supermarket. i wonder if NTUC or Shop N Save have changed to using digitalised price tags too! haha. so exchanged light sticks b4 i left. it was sweet. thank you. but bus came so late la. at 9.50pm. terrible. so i reached home pretty late.

well, all in all, it was a good time spent. catching up with my batch ppl and making new frens. and certainly, i wouldn't have been able to go for the camp had not yi xian cannot make it due to his new job! thank God!

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Tuesday, January 15, 2008 @ 11:22 pm

Impossible possibility

that was the title of my reading for today's QT. and i find it appropiate and unique. impossible yet possible. toking about how we Christians can depend on God to do all the impossibilities. and it so reflects wad happen to me today. the big assignment i'd to do. jus wanna shout out loud and PRAISE HIM! it almost seemed impossible and i almost wanna give up until the last min when God gave me an opportunity to do so. plus, the interest and attentiveness of my listener jus spurs me on! jus wanna thank God!

okay. last night i had a nightmare. i dreamt that a fren i knew gave my family poisoned rice. the poison will cause the person to become retard. and my dad happened to be the victim in the dream among many other ppl too. i was very angry and upset. was crying in the dream. so i approached that fren and chided him esp when i see the final state of my dad. when i was leaving that fren, i suddenly woke up frm that nightmare. but it din stop. i literally and really cried. i cried cos of that dream, cos i cried in that dream, cos i tot it was real and cos i tot it can become a reality. i was scared. i din want my dad to turn out lyk tat. i almost wanted to cry streams of tears but stopped myself, saying tt it wun happen. so i had to wipe away my tears and prayed tt i wun get another nightmare. went back to slp and dreamt again. but i can't rmb wad the 2nd dream was. well, i still feel scared jus thinking abt it now. i really hope technology wun become so high until rice can be poisoned...i hope it wun be a reality in the future...

how to avoid nightmares? i really dun lyk them. it's really horrible and always makes me scared even aft i'd awaken up. well, it has been a few weeks since i last had a nightmare so last night's one was indeed a surprise. hmm. i can only pray then.

i had quite a fun day today. how can i not have one when jia wen is around? haha. all his jokes arh..really can't stop laughing. so anyway, did lots of printing today. boring. so boring till i can listen radio and surf the net while printing. was listening to christian radio stn since the streaming at imeem takes a long time. i also watched a part of mean gals while doing so! besides printing, did some filing and photocopying too. jia wen and i decided to call the food junction we always go to for lunch as 2-dollar-food-court! yeah. the food there are really cheap la. average arnd $2. jus lyk JC! today we both ate claypot rice for $2.50! filling :)

i managed to tok to monica too. first time she sits in the cubicle beside mine the whole day. felt a bit uncomfortable but nevertheless, nice getting to know her more. and i din noe she is married! she looks so young and single. hmm. strange i din notice her wedding ring. i'll look out for it soon! she told me she stays in sengkang and jus given birth to a baby boy 8 months ago! congrats! and when i told jia wen, the first thing he said: "oh. got ang-pao to take frm her already". haha. i wonder if she'll rmb. hmm. den i'd better be present at work on cny eve so i can collect S$ ang pao. i always get RM! it's time i get some S$ too pls? haha.

anyway, towards the end of work, she transferred a game called deal-or-no-deal to our desktop so we can play! it's a game frm excel. nice. will check it out tml! but a pity it's babes not hunks. the hunk special will be on tml eh? haha. a pity i'll miss it since i'll be at a DNA mtg. my first DNA mtg of the year!

and well, i guess i got an answer from you. thanks for your comfort on sms. and strangely enough, i was in tears when i read thru the first para of my prev entry. sigh. jus makes me sad. i dunno how i feel now. did i expect it coming when i saw how upset you were the last time? i dunno. a part of me wanna cry, shout and become crazy but another part tells me to stay sane and see how it goes. i dun lyk to be caught in this kinda situation. and somehow this outcome mimic a situation i'd jus encountered, only this time, i'm playing the reverse role. hmm. i'm at my wits end. really dunno wad to do nor how to react. sigh. perhaps i deserve this...

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Monday, January 14, 2008 @ 10:38 pm

[emotional ride 2]

almost broke down in tears last night. actually, i had a little tears in my eyes last night before i slp. i was really hurt and upset. on one hand i was afraid of losing it. on the other hand, i was reminding myself to give it up to God--that He has the total control over this part of my life. yet, i jus felt sad. immeasurable sorrow. whether it comes jus thinking abt the future or jus thinking abt it now. till now, i dun have an answer frm you. i dunno wad's going on your mind now, like right now. i jus hope it can be resolved. well, it wun be easy if the negative outcome happens. yet, if it does, i wun fight nor argue with you. i jus wanna let you know that it'll be like a part of me that's taken out. and wadever comes, you and the memories we hold will always be part of me...

stayed up with sarah last night to do maths. together with reuben. till 1230am. she was quite piss with maths. but i'm glad after cooling down, she's better. and both of us can coach and guide her in the maths assignment. i wun deny that it's really alot. but i've been thru this road b4. there's nth we can do if it's due. jus had to sit thru to do the assignment. and i really wanna say tt sarah's fortunate. last time when i was at her age and struggling, i dun have a single person to sit beside me to check thru my work nor help me when i'm stuck. i often did them in tears till late at night. and now, sarah has 2 ppl to help her. be thankful to God yea? okay. hang in there for maths k? it'll be easy once you get the hang of it! love ya!

4 more episodes for the korean drama! last disc! ok. hope can finish fast. glad yi xian got a job as an art teacher. not only is his pay superb but he'll learn lots too wrt his art. congrats! muz treat me to dinner hor! and learn as much as you can b4 you enlist! :)

a big assignment tml...i wonder if i'll have the courage and if it's the right time! i hope i can find a right time tml. well, i wun exactly pray the perfect situation or smooth; no-argument situation but rather jus an opportunity and courage to at least tell him and share that with him. let him know. even mum says so. plus sunday's sermon! lord, if it's your will, let your will be done...

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Saturday, January 12, 2008 @ 10:43 pm

[emotional]

heart's feeling restless now. well, i stayed home the whole day today. watched korean drama, studied the driving theory a bit, got some tips on how to write personal statements and catch up with charles. esp his own independent japan trip! it was nice to see his photos on the facebook that he jus signed up for! :)

thanks for sharing with me, charles! it was nice! and more interesting to know you went there alone. a challenge i'll gladly take even though i am a gal. since my bangkok trip with eleena, kah hwee and le jing, i've always felt that i can go anywhere i want myself, alone, and really dun mind any communication breakdown. but of cos, i mean places lyk asian countries only. europe and the other side of the whole, australia n NZ, i prefer to go as a grp..see things together, have fun together....

well, jus played RISK with my bro. it was fun. haven't played it for a long time. and seeing him so bored, i really xin teng. so decided to play any games with him. but i lost horribly. i really dun lyk to lose. haha. a spoilsport, i know. but there's always this aching feeling in me whenever i lose in any game to anyone. haha. but i dun cry la. jus feel sad. ha. but nevertheless, a good game and time spent with him and sarah who often pops by to either roll the dice for us or tok crap with us. haha.

now feeling emotional. i dunno why. guess it's cos of the korean drama episodes that i watched today. it feels sad. the guy is really hurt cos the gal whom he lyks doesn't requite the love. and suddenly, another guy lyks this same gal but jus doesn't wanna express the love for her. but if he really did so, it'll be a mutual feeling. sigh. i guess the music played in the background of it keeps replaying in mind. a slow sad music. so perhaps that's why i'm sad. or perhaps, it's the realisation that my love/crush (so it seems) to someone may not be requited either. been thinkin abt it the past few days. and observing. jus tot that perhaps he really doesn't hv me in his heart. sigh. then i guess i'd better give up lest i get hurt when he really gets a gf..sigh. better to keep the frenship than lose it totally cos of my impatience or assumptions or fantasy..

was flippin thru my prev entries in my journal jus now. saw that i wrote down wad khalis told me in oct 07 "do the right thing at the right time in the right place for the right reason". so true. using tt as my guide, i began questionin myself. perhaps it really isn't the right thing, the right time and the right reason. and one more thing: dun lower my standard of a v impt thing i'm lookin out in guys. yar. as much as it hurts, i guess it has to be this way...

anyway, that aside, i had this funny yet sweet dream last night. i called it "can i wrap my little fingers around yours?" haha. abt me who jus found a bf n held hands with him, both of us feelin v blessed. the funny thing is that in the dream, i'd Guy A's face but called him by Guy B's name. ha. very funny and weird. oh well. nevertheless, it's a warm dream..

oh yar. was flippin to the front of my journal and realised i haven't gotten a verse to bring me thru this entire year! i wrote down 2006 and 2007. so it's time for 2008! man. tis shows how little i'd been payin attention to Him! i felt quite ashamed and bad. one week plus had past and i haven't even pray abt it. it's no wonder i felt quite aimless the past week. so flipped and saw a verse. let's see wad God will reveal to me for me to carry thru this year. last year's "Immanuel--God with us", 2006's "we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him..." and 2005's "be strong and courageous. do not be terrified; do not be discouraged..." had indeed helped me alot tho sometimes i lose sight of them in the year. nonetheless, i still rmb n treasure them. i wonder wad this year's wld be. i have a rough idea. jus nid a verse...sorry, Lord!

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@ 12:12 am

was surfing the net and went to www.godtube.com Saw this video which is really nice. i lyk the hymn. so meaningful. and i was singing along too. somehow i knew the song though i wonder where i've sang it. the pictures were nice too. it was unique of the creator of the video to put the encounter with the prostitute cum stoning scene as the first one. nonetheless, it's a good reminder that Jesus ultimately is the one without sin yet he chose to forgive us and bring salvation for us. enjoy the video and the song below!

In Chirst Alone

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm

What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save

'Till on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again

And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost it's grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life, no fear in death—
This is the pow'r of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny

No pow'r of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home-
Here in the pow'r of Christ I'll stand

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Friday, January 11, 2008 @ 11:13 pm

[happy, end of first work-week]

today, we (jia wen and i) finally got our own computer at the office! FINALLY! we waited the whole week. i went down to summit JTC to get the passowrd. thank God there was a lady in the lift who's a worker at the ITD unit so i managed to get her to open the door for me to reach the help desk. so went back to kallang. so glad to miss the morning rush hour.

reached the office and happily logged on to the com. was lookin out for jia wen but he's nowhere to be seen. so i changed the passwords for the com and the Lotus Notes on my own. then sms him and realised he's in Diamond Room (jus as i guess). and the funny thing he said when i asked if he needed my help, "yar...come and pick diamonds". lol. this is how funny n lame he can be.

so did up all the stuffs and had left-over time to ourselves. showed him the com and the new passwords. but! we had trouble logging on to the Lotus Notes! that's cos i suddenly forgot the password. keep trying but can't. i was so afraid i'll nid to go down summit again to get a new one. then, suddenly, something struck me when i wanted to give up. and ta-da. i got the password! haha. jia wen "basket" me la. hmph :P

so showed him my blog and let him read the prev entry's writing abt him etc. then he and i saw the first post that i ever wrote on my blog. haha. it was sooooo long ago la. so funny and embarrassing reading it. and when i read the 2nd entry which was abt a dream, it suddenly became so clear. can't believe tat it's still in me. ha. oh well. had fun with the com. checking my emails, facebook and printing out the PAssion Card coupon! wanna treat jia wen to something! but a pity he saw the coupon already :(

we ate lunch at this really cheap hawker center. the food there is really cheap la! 2 veg and 1 meat for $2! wah! i wanna go there nxt time man. plus quite a variety of food and get to see many ppl. some are even of my age :) well, will miss this hawker center when we shift to JE. there wun be such cheap food dere...

today at work was rather slack. and i'm glad i managed to get today's My Papers though i haven't read it yet. so came home early and started relaxing. i'm glad that one of the first few things i wanna do is my QT :) happy for it. then, watched the Korean Drama while eating dinner! watched 2 epsiodes! yay! filled my "appetite". haven't been watching it since tue night. all the going-outs and sickness and evaluation test..jus had to skip it and go to slp.

all in all, thank God for the 1st week of work, giving me blessings from Wei Hao who reminds me to see the optimistic side and Jia Wen who's such a GRRRRREAT & funny fren to me..really brightens up my day...

i guess that's all. LJ flying off tml. God bless her. david, ji chen and michael are in commando course now. jeremy and nicholas in OCS. yonghui, chin hou and samuel in BMT. Lord, please keep them safe from any harm and danger. shu hui working. yw studying hard. sarah and reuben jus started proper lessons. and khalis prob cycling tml but first taking an x-ray scan on his knee in the morning. i fervently pray tat it isn't serious.

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Thursday, January 10, 2008 @ 9:20 pm

[recount, update!]

"I am Legend" Movie

watched with Wei Hao last night at PS. felt bad that i din watch the rat show with him last year. so decided to watch a movie with him.
bought the tix at $6.50 :)
movie was great! made me think alot and i had alot of thoughts about it though not as much as The Island. esp the character Anna and her words hit me v hard
mentioned in the movie is this: God is still here and in the situation no matter how bad it is (made me think abt my job and it served as a good reminder that God is sovereign--in control of any situation)
biggest hit on me: Turn down the world's volume and listen to His voice. it hit me lyk a nail. esp relating to my irregular QT and my focus/sensitivity/concentration on Him. well, this phrase isn't new to me so it took on a v strong meaning when i heard it in the movie
"bring light to the dark"
"bring him home safely to us..." that was the prayer of the mum when she and the daughter had to leave on a helicopter. a few seconds later, they met a crash and died. really going home..to another home..
in an emergency evacation, why should the high-ranking officials' families be given priority to go off? Why no equality?
well, wei hao let me hold his arm throughout the movie esp during the scary parts. discussed abt it b4 the show. haha. so me being me who's scared at every jump, that's wad i did.
i used only one hand to hold his elbow. then, i used the other hand to either cover my mouth frm screaming or to cover my eyes. haha.
i really dun wanna see the looks of the zombies lest i get nightmares. so most of the time, i ended up closing my eyes. missing quite a portion at the climax but i still get the story. scary. but glad got his reassurance at the very climax :) thanks man! din expect it..
i also found out why there is a mention of "butterfly" at the climax and why the director put "Shrek" movie inside too. it really reflects well wad is going on
plus, when i asked jia wen if the grenade is really powerful and why will smith had to sacrifice himself, jia wen jus said that it's to make the movie title: I am Legend. haha. well, interesting. but i stil think there's a flaw in that logic there
and so interesting. the leader of the zombies can actually lead and set traps and had brains. hmm. i tot they were not supposed to have brains. and quite sad that the dog died so fast...aww...

Night-out at PS

after the movie, went to spotlight to look at cloths
headed to G2000 again. there is a sale! so went to take a look at the collar shirts!
had wei hao's opinions on 2 shirts. glad he was there! in the end, bought one nice working shirt for $19. after 40% off
had his company all the way to bus stop. thanks.
reached home quite late though. bleah. but glad mum din say i have bad taste for buying the shirt.
a great night-out! but also tirin since it was after work

JTC job

had a great and fun-to-hang-out-with colleague: JIA WEN!! he's also a temp and started work on the same day as me
21 years old this year and from YJC. had 3As!!!! for the same subjects that i take: chem, phys and maths. wah! he's v pro la. he applied to NUS Science. when i asked him abt overseas uni, he said he wun apply. no wants. wah. but it'll be such a perfect and great results to get into any overseas uni and scholarships! haha. anyway, it's his choice and i respect it! i hope he'll enjoy his course when uni starts
he's a really nice guy. makes me laugh alot. he keeps crapping n laming arnd. haha. not cold jokes but really jokes--twisting words arnd. lyk today's: "then i'll say you are goin to the summit..summit of getting sacked". lol. actually summit means the HQ of JTC JE.
he also can make fake dimples! so cute! then, he jus started teaching me hokkien words! yay! at least i know more so i can truly call myself a hokkien
it's nice to have his company. share a working cubicle with him. i dun really wanna sit separately cos i'll be v bored. no one to tok to. so you can guess who toks alot: me! haha.
i'm working at JTC Kallang now. not the JE branch. soon after CNY we'll move there! yay! can't wait. it'll be so much nearer to my hse and i wun be late so often. haha.
job scope: doing things lyk filing, matching docs, photocopying, printing etc. boring. and i really dun learn much. really sad abt it. compared to my work at Regional Hardwares. but for one thing i'm thankful for: wei hao's advice to me--to see things in a better light and perspective. to take work as an enjoyment and see all the sai kang as something better. for that, I'm always grateful to God for him! =) grateful to God for jia wen too! "matching puzzle". haha. i lyk that! :)
when i went to the office, i got a big shock! most of the guys there are as old as daddy! seriously! most of them can be my dad la! lyk 50 plus. makes me sigh. they look so beat and worn-out. why muz the govt make them work until such an old age? sigh. i know. all the "younger ones goin overseas to work", "not enough ppl to support the company so raise retirement age" etc. but sigh. really hurts me la
i lyk Ms Leong! she's very nice! lyk a mother to me! always smiling and speak to me so nicely and sweetly. treating me equal! love you!
another colleague: monica. she's very young. i think a fresh graduate? i dunno but i lyk her hairstyle! suits her v well. haven't gotten a chance to tell her yet! soon!
today was really lyk nothing to do. for 3-4 hours. literally. there was no work given. i ended up reading newspaper all the way from main section to Life skipping Money and Classified. ha. so free. then tok to jia wen and played bingo with him. haha. was writing a bit of my personal statement too!

Evaluation Tests

so i took the evaluation test on tue night. my first one. was studying last minute for it
so when i went there, i was surprised to find no keyboard nor mouse! then the examiner said that we can start and so i started to freak out! i looked arnd and then realised that it's touch-screen. haha. funny
but when i saw the first qn, i blanked out. i din noe how to answer
there after, it was downhill for me esp with 3-5 qns on the video asking abt "give way" qns. crazy. but at least i knew the traffic police signs! i purposely studied it and realised a pattern! :) couldn't ans the blind spots qns with full confidence
in the end, that night, I failed!!! falied by 1 mark! it totally makes me feel horrible. i felt really sad
then, went home that night and checked the BBDC account to see if there's any luck of getting a slot the nxt morning
and really thank God for His grace! He gave me 3 choices! 3 time slots! i was so happy! i quickly booked it for the morning. rang jia wen up and told him i wun be in the office till late morning. really thank God cos if i dun pass the evaluation test 14 days b4 my actual theory test, the test will be cancelled. and the nxt date will be in march which is pretty late. so really thank God!
so studied hard for it with wei hao calling at night to advise me and revise with me on the phone! :) thanks! it really helps. but it was quite late already. i was quite tired. but thank God, i still had the strength the nxt day
so went BBDC to take the test and I PASSED! yay! thank God once again! i was so happy!
actually, the test that morning was much easier than the prev night! so much easier or is it cos i study harder? i dunno. but i was quite confident when i was checkin thru. i passed making only 3 mistakes! :) got 96%! thank God! and thanks to Wei Hao too! =))
so i'm off for the theory test on 23 Jan! :)

well, it still has been lyk so-so. i know i gotta do something abt it. it's less of having a fix timing cos i know i can never get that with going-outs on-and-off. so it's a matter of my heart/passion and thirst for God. a prayerful life too
esp since that movie i watched last night said the first 2 pointers which hit me so SO hard! well, i'm glad it did. shock me up!
wanna share with you these pointers. one colour represent one point: What's at the center of our attention is what has us. God loves us enough to accept us as we are but He loves us too much to leave us that way (Philippians 1:6). Nothing is so revelant as the eternal (Ps 73). Attack problems not people (Matt 5:43-44). To change, we must want something else more than what we now have (Jer 29:13). Live for what you will not regret when you die (Matt 16:26). The secret of abundance is found not in what we have but in what we enjoy and are thankful for (Philippians 4). Fear God--not to run from Him, but to Him (Provbs 1:7, 9:10). We can learn more from our critics than our admirers (Provbs 27:6, Ps 141:5). "When I am in the presence of God, it seems profoundly unbecoming to demand anything" (F. Schaeffer) (Luke 22:42).
I dunno which one speaks to you the most but the first one did to me! it's so true! wad is in the center has my attention. i guess tat's why i'm always restless and unsettled with my QT. is God in the center of your attention, sharon? something to think about for you ppl too!

Other things

Le Jing's going for mission trip on 12th Jan to 20th Jan to Chiang Mai/Chiang Riu. God bless her and the team! that they'll have a fulfilling and good and meaningful time over there! Esp for safety both travelling there and in health!
Michael, David and Ji Chen going into their Commando course tml! God bless them too! and keep them safe!
Got Jeremy's sms from OCS though no reply. only jus one. glad he remembers me and i pray he'll be safe!
Feb 23 is a 2E1 dinner! and i can't make it!!!! i got karen's wedding ceremony cum dinner to attend!! ahhh! i'm so sad! i really wanna go leh. see all my old frens again. i really miss them! told SK. i hope he'll change it to another date! i really wanna see my 2E1 frens!
to someone: hmm. i dunno if there's bad blood btw the 2 of us now because of that event. but i dun want to do things that go against my conscience. not that i dun wanna be strong or ignore you...really. sometimes i do see things from your point-of-view but my conscience pricks me more if i do wad you want me to. i'm sorry. to be honest, i was torn in two too. on one hand, i felt that i shld be there to watch over you. on the other hand, i felt that i shouldn't do it for i dun wanna be an encourager of wad's bad for you..ahh..sigh. nevertheless, if you still do go, stay safe!
thank God for seeing reuben and sarah through their first week of sch! reuben's orientation and sarah's lessons in triple science class! i hope sarah wun get stressed up and reuben wun slack too much. man. seeing sarah staying up later than usual really makes me raise my eye of suscipion.
that's all. looking fwd to tml's work..actually more at toking to jia wen again. haha. i hope i din bore him out by toking too much! and hope that the money goin into my pocket will really be worth it!

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Saturday, January 05, 2008 @ 9:04 pm

That's why (you go away)

Baby won't you tell me why there is sadness in your eyes
I don't wanna say goodbye to you
Love is one big illusion I should try to forget
But there is something left in my head

You're the one who set it up now you're the one to make it stop
I'm the one who's feeling lost right now
Now you want me to forget every little thing you said
But there is something left in my head

I won't forget the way you're kissing
The feeling's so strong were lasting for so long
But I'm not the man your heart is missing
That's why you go away I know

You were never satisfied no matter how I tried
Now you wanna say goodbye to me
Love is one big illusion I should try to forget
There is something left in my head

Sitting here all alone in the middle of nowhere
Don't know which way to go
There ain't so much to say now between us
There ain't so much for you
There ain't so much for me anymore

That's why you go away I know

I dunno why this song came to me but i really lyk it. the music. nice. and this particular phrase: "Love is one big illusion"....

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Thursday, January 03, 2008 @ 4:53 pm

[relieved]

great! so after a little pushing, JTC is finally going to say something abt my aplication status! and she jus called jus now to ask how proficient i am in MS office progs. and she say i may have to work in kallang. well, it really is quite a way off n far but hey, for scholarship, i'm okay lah. i mean, being a non-singaporean and only spore PR, it already puts me at a disadvantage for scholarship. so having worked in jtc b4 will boost it. i know i sound crazy but i dun really care. lol.

anyway, jus went for interview. thanks to wh for calling while i was on the way there. soothe my nerves and also had a good short chat. and wah..trying to trick me tat you are frm createtalents eh? haha. and thanks for checking out the company for me. and informin me abt the portfolio thing. haha. i jus knew you'll be such a good fren! i mean, when i wrote that entry ytday, i knew you'll be offerin yr help to check out it's genuineness! you rock!

so interview went alright. a finanace assistant job. suppose to cover someone who went for maternity leave for 3 months. well, it'll be quite a responsibility i have to carry but hey, i dun mind accepting the challenge. well, i was quite quiet during the interview. hehe. dunno why also. so guess i never really did leave a lasting impression to her? hmm. oh well. i not say desperately wanting that job. the only desperate job i want is frm JTC. haha. oh oh! jus now, there was an EXCEL TEST!! i din even know. when one guy said "test", i heard it as "desk". after making him repeat 2 times, i jus simply nodded my head though i still cannot understand wad he's saying. only when he led me to a desk with a laptop and a paper then i realised. so i am supposed to churn out the whole spreadsheet on the excel prog, plus fill in the blanks for some totalling up or subtractions. and i had to stare and flip through quite some time b4 i understand how to do it and fill in the blanks. at first, i tot i nid to use some economic knowledge and calcuation which i totally do not have. but thankfully, he pointed out that it's stated on the paper. so then, i set off on this task to complete it in 35mins!

it wasn't too bad. i went on. but towards the end, about 10 mins to the end, i started to work faster. but everything went well. even doing the minor details lyk fitting it into page. and i know how to use the formula! =)later on, at the interview, the lady who saw my spreadsheet said it wasn't too bad :) i hope it also means i din make any major errors!

earlier on in the day, grandma and i went to the shop at beauty world! she went to get clothes while i went to get skirts! it was nice! i tried on close to 10 working skirts lor. haha. it was fun and a first-time doing it! so took umpteen pics at the fitting room to show my mum who met us at lunch time. well, in the end, i got this nice grey skirt that i wore to the interview and another long green skirt. the skirt length reaches to my ankle at one corner! it's a sloping skirt btw. look at the pics below! thank you mummy for buying them! oh oh. and yes. grandma did buy a shirt. part of an exchange of clothes...

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Wednesday, January 02, 2008 @ 11:22 pm

[ran around here and there, reminiscing and aniticapting]

well, yes. today is the first time in 15 years where i dun nid to go to sch on 2nd Jan!! yeah! it really feels good man! =) and i'm so happy khalis rmbs and sms me this morning. haha. why 15 years? 3 years of pre-school, 6 years of pri sch, 4 years of sec sch and 2 years of JC. hey...doesn't it feel good? and was tokin to alison today, I'm glad she really enjoyed her year-end hols. it totally rocks knowing that we needn't report to sch in jan. ha. and boy am i glad not to start work on 2 jan. somehow. else it's lyk WORK....

so i went to BBDC for my first driving theory lesson. oops. i was late. but hey. i saw calvin! he's my phys tuition guy from acjc. i felt so bad la. it took me a long while to recall his name while my name jus pops out of his mouth quite easily. and he had to remind me that i was in his phys tuition class. lol. so terrible of me. but nevertheless, glad to see him. met joan too! on the way up to lesson. she's goin to take her theory test. wish her all the best!

so headed down to JTC. wanted to meet hui ming for lunch but can't. so ended up eating at kopitiam, the place where i always eat for lunch when i was studying at JE lib. when i saw the indian crusine stall, it reminded me so much of mandhir! boy! i miss him! haven't tok to him since A's ended nor met up. i started rmbing the conversations we had, how we met with me toking to him sleepily since i'd jus woke up, and introducing him to JE and...boy...haha. i really hope to catch him arnd!

so at recruit express, forgot my consultant's name but when i met this guy consultant, his name rang a bell in my head. good. i guess it shld be him who called me earlier on today. and then, he went on to interview me. it din feel lyk an interview but he sure asked alot of qns until i started to get nervous towards the end.

headed down to ngee ann city for that side of the recruit express branch. took the train and passed ctss at commonwealth stn. saw 2 gals leading and explaining the sch to a class of sec 1 students! boy! i was happy and lucky to catch that scene. and it reminds me so so much of my time in ctss. when i was a prefect leading my peer support grp and when i was sec 1 being led by my facilitators. haha..the past..memories..

saw hui quan at ngee ann city towers while heading up to the office. glad to hear that she got a job already. tgt with siew jing. nice to see her again tho we din tok much. mm. and so met that friendly outgoing matthew who's my consultant.

and boy. both branches are really efficient. both got me a job. the JE one sent in my resume while matthew got me a job and arranged for an interiew for me at SGH HQ at jalan bukit merah there. wow. so fast. tml afternoon. my first major interview. scary. but i hope it'll be good exposure! and I NEED A SKIRT! A DECENT KNEE-LENGTH SKIRT!!! for work and interview. jus got news that i'm NOT supposed to wear jeans which i totally agree! so i nid a skirt! grr. i hope to get one tml when i go beauty world with my grandma and my mum! i really nid one man.

as for the job. well, jus found out that it's a finance assistant job. i'm not sure if i'll lyk it there. cos it really isn't wad i want. seriously. not finance. but who knows. it can be good exposure for me since i'm not doing business course. why not get hands-on experience rather than learning theory which apparently dun appeal to you? :)

eleena also offered me a job. at her office. doing admin and data entry stuffs. then i told her on the phone, "so that means i get to see you everyday!" then she laughed. haha. she say may not cos i may work in a different dept. haha. but nevertheless, i know there is someone familiar that i can see if i ever do work in that office! haha.

so all in all, there are 3 job offers i have today! oh! plus one more. listen to this: I WAS STOPPED HALFWAY AT ORCHARD BY AN ADVERTISING FIRM!! look at that! wah. i was so shocked but happy inside. me being me, i still gave a stern face despite my jumpin heart. eh...advertising leh. they say they help loreal etc. and of cos, i got the name card with contact no and website. he took down my contact and said the colleague will call me up. well, i'm not that tall but am i tat pretty? haha. jus a side-thought. but i guess he hasn't seen my teeth yet. and who knows? i may not get it. but hey...imagine the kinda make-up that will be on me and the different and beautiful dresses i get to try on that i can never afford! haha. tat wld be nice and fun won't it?

i know, it can be a hoax. some firm or guys trying to cheat on me. but hey. i'll try my best to be cautious abt this whole thing k? well, they're located at spore shopping center. saw their website (i know it can be a fake since websites are so easy to create). i promise i'll be extra careful!

so, aft the job stuffs, i was really bored. i din wanna go home since it's the first time on 2nd jan that i dun nid to go to sch. i wanted to make it extra special. called mum. she asked me to check out prices for "salad spinner". so headed down to taka, robinsons, john little but skipped og cos my feet was too painful. there. so i practically walked frm orchard to the other side? is it somerset side? i guess so. hee. tat's how i spent this day! =))

mm. so anticipating tml's interview. and I REALLY WANT JTC TO CALL ME SOON AND TELL ME ABT MY APPLICATION STATUS!!! it's giving me quite a headache and pain. cos i really wanna work in jtc so i can have an edge for scholarship. yet, they are taking so long to get back to me. plus, having so many other job offers really dun help alot. if i were to say "i'll consider" to the other job offers in leiu of the desire for the jtc job, i risk ALOT losing the "other" job offers.

oh well. thru all this, muz learn to trust God. besides, He still has a hand and should have a hand in these matters that concerns me. i'm still His and He's still my Lord. and i really mean LORD

and well, ytday, jus reading thru the entries, i dun feel a thing. in fact, i jus feel "okay lor. guess it's time for me to disappear". i jus felt lyk he has his own life to live and i have my own life too. to me, it felt lyk it wun inter-twine again. i mean, looking at now too, we ain't doin much. perhaps it's really "you live yours and i'll live mine"?

anyway, check out below. put a post on the milestones of my 2007...

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@ 11:00 pm

[reflection]

one of the things i lyk to do when it's year end or the first day of the new year is to sit down, hold the calendar of the year that passed and start flipping thru and pray at the same time. thanking God for every event, meeting, rehearsal, go-out, movie, lunch/dinner appt, hol, trip, conference, exam, test that He has seen me through. i always find it meaningful. not only does it guide me to reflect on wad i'd done the past year but also how good God has been and how faithful He is thru out that year. THANK YOU GOD! =))) I LOVE YOU!

so here are the milestones in 2007 that i gathered:

Able to take H3 Maths. the selection test. then my wonderful clique! Linda, Ming De, Zhen Tang and myself! awesome!
CNY event under House Council. one big and major event. learnt accounting better too. working wid Ms Tay was great!
Better relationships with my class plus yonghui's friendship! =)
Ups and downs with Khalis. events that happened tis year either makes or breaks the frenship. and i'm glad we chose to improve on it and keep it. plus that radio dedication! :))
A lesson on God's sovereignity through an event. thank God despite the pain and turmoil i went thru.
A levels. of cos. all the preparation leading to it and the doing of the papers. esp geog. haha. so that incls the BT1, BT2 (which taught me so much that plannin works. yield good results) and prelims.
iHope youth conference! really push to make me let go..really see and sense God! of cose, my angel, aunty siew teng. haven't tok to her for a long time eh. hmm...
Fireworks. watching it with khalis then the photo which we said will be wad we'll do ever year! a significance!
phys tution. mr ong was great! thank God! tuition helps. and of cos, my clique! hui ming, david, ji chen and myself! yes, commando-to-bes, i wanna meet you and hui ming up soon!
vietnam holiday trip. michael. le jing. le ying. joseph. justin. liseal. beatrice. pictionary!! but the most impt thing is nature. being hugged and loved by it. the mountains, the clouds, the village, terraces, sea, rock formations, caves, sunset....reminds me how BIG and AWESOME and WONDERFUL and CREATIVE is my God; our God!
Myanmar Mission Trip! how can i forget. the kids. the frenships built. the fulfilling and eye-opener trip. it certainly was meaningful!
youth camp 07. thank God for availability of space. the invitations that the youths sent out. the great and big response. had 28 youths! mind you. tat's alot! fun games! good sermon messages :)

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Tuesday, January 01, 2008 @ 12:13 pm

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Happy new year everyone! it's year 2008 now. 1st January. It was quite cool to see "2008" on my HP date. ha. was telling le jing. well, ytday, received a v nice sms from charles. a word of thanks, encouragement and well-wishes! thanks pal! replied and said the same. it also set me thinking abt khalis and sent him one too. glad he received it. well, i guess 31st dec has taken on a new meaning for me. a time/day to reflect and think abt those frens who have been by yr side in that year and to take that time to say a word of thanks. i mean, can and should say it everyday and any other time. but for me, i believe i'll do so deliberately on 31st dec too.

so there was watchnight service. din expect so many ppl. almost the whole church! we re-arranged the chairs such that it becomes a ring/horseshoe. i lyk this kinda formation. reminds me jus how small yet cosy and warm my chr is. how friendly they all are and how much we really are a family. so there were games since it's not a formal svc. led my matthew. it was fun and intellectually challenging. thanks anyway. after that, worship and there was my section--reflection on month-month basis. i'm glad they lyk it and get to move arnd. le jing said it wasn't boring. and i'm so happy when someone says he/she hopes to go to myanmar mission trip inspired by aunty cas. haha.

worship was good to me too! it almost made me cry jus singing and looking at the words/lyrics. a good time of sharing. i did share as always but not as much. hearing wad aunty cas say was interesting: we [parents] are only stewards of the children God gave to us...and the only thing we [parents] can bring to heaven is our children. imagine going to heaven and not finding your children there. how devasted a scene that would be!

so after that, i arranged for transport for all the youths to go unc cla's house. thanks to him and aunty geak hong for opening up their house to us again and vacate their room for us to slp in. there are a total of 19-20 of us. a really BIG grp la. din expect it. then, sat in a circle, did a round of sharin on the milestone in our own 2007/thanksgiving. it was not bad. frm there i found out tat deb and nic are together again. nice. well, it wasn't too bad. but i dunno i spoilt everything and bore everyone out. making it too rigid?

well, played taboo for a few rounds and then countdown using the "countdown timer" on the tv prog. haha. hugging. well-wishes. then, we sat in small grps, some played Blistz, my grp was prank callin ppl to wish "happy new year" and others were jus chatting with jeremy and his parents. if only this happened from the beginning...

but v soon, many started to leave. batches by batches. and they leave really early. lyk 30 mins past midnight or even 1hour after that. sigh. then, there were only 4 of us left: le jing le ying deb and myself. hmm. jessie was there too. so we chose a korean movie to watch: the classic. it's a really nice show. not extremely touching. din cry tho some did. but the storyline was good! interesting. never seen before. after that, we watched Meet Joe Black. i watched halfway then went off to slp. nid to slp since there's a lunch gathering at my hse soon. glad nic came with his OCS hw though. but at least, get to tok to him a bit.

pulled myself outta bed this morning at 8 plus when i heard jeremy's cough. i was suddenly reminded that i'd better wake up early so i can have more time to tok to jeremy! catch up a bit. hear tales and wad he's been doing in OCS thus far. it's really tough to catch him when he's in camp. shared some on my side too. haha. all the first-times i have. so borrowed a Korean Drama series and Meet Joe Black to finish off the show. haha.

okay. that's all. gotta go already. guests are here! blog later perhaps..

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