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Tuesday, April 29, 2008 @ 10:15 pm [memories]
this afternoon, i was on the computer and heard piano sounds. when i listen more intensely, i can hear the player playing "Power of your love". at first, i didn't believe it, but it became clearer to me as the person continued playing slowly though it's not smooth. it reminded me so much of my past... when i first started learning piano, and playing Christian songs, this was one of the first songs i learnt. it wasn't easy cos there were many ledger lines and fill-ins. and i played as slow as the player was playing then. but i pressed on and pulled through. and it became one of my favourite songs i like to play when i follow that particular songbook. so just now, i whipped out that old book frm the cupboard and played. boy, doesn't it feel good! many memories flooded back too. it was this book that i used when i was playing in church last time.. i even remembered playing with uncle walter. boy! do i miss him and his family! he wld play the guitar and i'll follow every note on my book. and i'll help him flip the page too. and i rmb how last time i wanted to play the piano for cell group but dare not ask my cell grp leader since most of them are adults too! it was pretty scary. but hey...i still rmb i played in church for my children's sunday school! and boy! how old was i then? 9? 10? i can't rmb but i know i was pretty young. and at times, it really amazes me how i would be able to play all those complicated notes and keep up with the rhythm....and did i spend a lot of time practising? i wonder but i have no recollection that i overspent my time on it.... man..i miss those days! it's really beautiful and heavenly. to be able to serve in church..wad more can i ask? =)) okay. so i'm turning 19 soon. 19..no more 18. and it's one year closer to 20. haha. so fast i'm leaving the "1" behind and moving on to the "2". haha. well, anyway, i'm living out my 19th year now right? come 1st May, it jus marks me having spent 19 years of my life on earth. i wonder how many more years i have left before the Lord calls me home. and i wonder if i've been doing what he would want me to do for the past 19 years... i know there are many times i din. that's when he brings abt challenges, hardships, trials, sorrow, consequences of my sin so that i will turn back to Him. that's when He shouts out to me loud and clear that I just can't deny His voice. and no doubt, i did turn and listen. but for those time i've wasted, sorry. well, also wanna thank God for them too. for if everything goes smoothly, it wld be a life not well-lived. nonetheless, for those good times, i thank God too. for the love i've felt frm ppl arnd me, the life lessons i learnt, the fun times i have with frens and family, the nice ppl he sends along my way, the encouragements and support, the opportunities. mm. thank God for them! well well. it isn't even time yet for my bday but i'm already reflecting. haha. interesting...anyway, thoughts..dun let them slip by! okay. i think i'll leave the rest of the reflections to after my bday! haha. now, for my kids, well, i'm starting to get worried for Leo. after having cancelled thu's lesson, i dun feel good abt it. his exams are near, his work isn't that fast. i haven't completed even one paper except for eng which he will complete by sat. i really dunno if i've prepared him enough for the exam. i'm really afraid he wun hit the expectation of his parents. rather, i wun be able to help him hit the expectations of his parents. i'm really afraid. today, the mum was asking me if he's prepared for exam. i was stunned by this qn. then fear overwhelmed me (sorry it sounds so compo-like. influenced already). i din noe how to answer her qn but it really got me thinking. sigh. i really am uncertain of the future. i guess the only i can do now is to lift it up to God...let Him take control since He is sovereign! amen! --------------------------------- Saturday, April 26, 2008 @ 10:48 pm Friend of God
Who am I that You are mindful of me That You hear me when I call Is it true that You are thinking of me How You love me it's amazing I am a friend of God I am a friend of God I am a friend of God He calls me friend God Almighty, Lord of Glory You have called me friend He calls me friend He calls me friend...
song's awesome! and the bridge is especially meaningful to me now. to be called a fren of God though He's high and mighty up there..really an honour! Thank you God! --------------------------------- Friday, April 25, 2008 @ 10:38 pm [recount and thoughts, laughs and sighs]
The duty of love is to listen. Quite an interesting quote that i heard on radio. quite true. duty.. but if both wants to listen and no one talks, then it's also bad. but no doubt, at times, not jus in love relationships, we have to take time off to listen to the voices around us..wad mother earth is telling us, our frens, the needs of the people...and not jus listen but act upon it. "Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth."
okay. anyway, the kids' exams are coming soon. leo's compo is nxt mon. grr. i hope he can do it. or at least have no logic flow flaws...please! i dunno how to help him in logic. oh well. jus see how it goes. he's been reading lots and lots of model essays already. good. tml jus going to see how he's going to link sentences and make them into a story. like translating his thoughts into words. mm. well, all the best! jus got another 2 students from my condo. the advertisements that i've put in the letter box din go to waste! both of them are frm my condo (: convenient. one is pri 6in Keming while another is Pri 1 in dunno-wad-sch-yet. but the latter's mum say until lyk she's very active. i hope it's not another attitude-problem or hyperactive child! oh well. but pri 1 will be quite easy to teach i hope! quite looking forward. but i hope i'll also get her respect and be firm if need be. and hopefully, she wun have trouble writing alphabets! not lyk my kindergarten kids! talking abt kindergarten, i hope i wun be called to become cleaners for the toys as written on the newspaper! anyway, recently, watched Forbidden Kingdom with zw. it was a great show! i never had a good laugh for such a long time! laughed till my tears come out. and i realised never to put on mascara when going to watch a hilarious show. it was great! jet li and jackie chan. all those stunts. the storyline was good too! nice show to watch. a good remedy for my sighing soul. and i found out tat i can bring leo to watch Kung Fu Panda during the sch hols! =) --------------------------------- Monday, April 21, 2008 @ 5:55 pm [reflection]
today, after teaching at the childcare center, i started wondering that it isn't very good to put your child there. or at least in the childcare center i work in. firstly, the child doesn't get to talk to his frens while he is having lunch. any noise frm him and the teacher will ask him not to talk and to eat his food. i think tat's very sad! why can't he talk and eat? i do that all the time when i'm out dining with my frens. tat's the basic courtesy, i feel. to meet up over a meal means to catch up and talk and chat over a meal too! and also, he will get rushed to finish his food quickly. wad an 'enjoyable' lunch! so stressful! hmm..but i'm guilty of being that teacher too..to chase my kid to finish lunch quickly. hey..but tat's cos his school bus is coming soon and he is a slow eater! secondly, the child can't have extra external lessons like art and music (piano/violin) lesson. cos he is in a childcare center, he has to stick by the rules n the lessons to be taught to them. and surely, the center isn't going to provide a piano nor a keyboard for a few students to learn if a external music teacher is engaged. so, being stuck in the center till evening, he has less chance of learning these skills in the evening. and tat's sad. i feel that as a child, he shld be exposed to these skills and see if his talents lie in it or has the potential, jus lacking the training. wouldn't it be great to develop a child's potential in this area? and especially if it is done at a young age, it'll do the child great! i started learning my piano since i was 5 years old! and tat's K1. oh well. i feel very sad for them. or maybe they themselves are not tat sad and the parents dun really care abt their non-academic skills. perhaps, all they want is a safe place their child can be in while they are at work so they dun nid to worry about them. yet, is this the responsibility of a parent? should they strive to take away the worry from their lives or to live and cope with it/make the best out of it? i feel very strongly it's the latter... today, i had a lesson with Leo. glad i can have this lesson which put my mind at ease. finally. for his english oral tomorrow. and he said that one of the pictures in the oral book i bought for him came out in his chinese oral today! i was surprised! man. i should have warned him that the picture for english oral may also come out from that book hor..haha. but anyway, it'll be a good test of the skills he was taught. i hope i helped him. and thanks to Jeremy too! reminding me of the 5Ws and 1 H: Who, What, Where, When, Why and How. so using this format, i taught him how to do the conversation. wrote things down so it's clearer for him to see. and i hope he'll be able to do it in his mind and do his best tomorrow. praying praying. haha. suddenly, i feel so anxious. like i'm the one taking the exam. oh well. give it up to the Lord! there was showers this afternoon. quite a heavy one. and i got caught in it. luckily i'd an umbrella but my sandals were wet. despite this, i find myself thanking God for it. somehow. i just thank God for the cool showers and it has been a long time since i'm caught in one. haha. well, it isn't exactly that i liked rainy days either. called yw last night. i'm glad i caught her b4 she sleeps. but she did sound a bit different. not so open. i had to ask qns to prompt her and she din elaborate much. hopefully, it's because i called her at a wrong time n not because of the situation she's in or that she's closing up to me. i wonder wad i can do for her. she said tat life's getting a bit too routine. and it did sound like so when she explained. sounds like me last year. but at least she exercises every week! i'm happy for her! hmm. but i wonder what to do to help her or brighten her day such that it isn't so routine. hmm. well, i hope this frenship can still be sustained despite her school workload and exams! finally, there has been an aching and sharp pain that keeps coming back to my ring finger on my left hand. okay. not that it's aching to wear a ring. but it's some bone and muscle thing. super painful since morning. and no matter how much i rub, it still wun go away but comes on and off until leo's tuition started. now, it's gone and i hope it wun come back later. plus, got lower back muscle strain when i stretch. hopefully it's nothing serious.. --------------------------------- Wednesday, April 16, 2008 @ 2:13 pm [sigh]
read the newspaper recently? there was a report in the big jump of people applying for scholarships. when i saw it i was like "good" cos it's different frm the report given last year. but when i stare a bit harder, i was "oh craps!" there goes my chances of getting one. i mean, i'm not exactly giving up but the chances are very very slim. esp with my grades, wad can i say man? i was only just trying with a tinge of hope. and the article was also attributing this rise to better grades of students and better publicity of the scholarship providers. oh well. we'll see how it goes. i jus got a rejection letter frm one of the providers. oh well. if things really don't turn out, it's financial aid! was reading Mind Your Body jus now on an article on formula milk and a certain type of pregnancy abnormality. somehow, i always take an interest in motherhood and these stuffs. and reading abt that kind of pregnancy really jus makes me sad. sad that this can happen. it's abt how there was obstruction in the fallopian tube and so the egg gets implanted along the tube. if not detected early, the tube cannot contain the growing fetus and will burst. hence leading to pain and severe internal bleeding. this occurs 1 in every 300 pregnancies. high? i dunno. but to me, it is. it's so sad to see this happening to some women. it seems so real. obstruction, improper implantation. it's so possible that it can happen to anyone. and i really hope it wun happen to me if i ever do get pregnant. there are so many things that can happen! genetic default, chromosomes problems (which i feel that i cannot control), implantation, miscarriages, cervix cancer, not good splitting of cells, deformation of organs...it's so scary. yet, i thank God that I'm born without any physical defects. whenever i told my mum wad i'd read, she will be lyk "har..i din noe that". it's so risky being pregnant. you don't know how your fetus will turn out. and now, i'm beginning to wonder if it's good to educate the public abt such situation. or does it have an adverse effect of making a just-pregnant mother or even young women become paranoid? --------------------------------- Monday, April 14, 2008 @ 12:55 pm [down and regretful]
recently, was talking to him and something he said really striked me. and i jus find myself sighing and shaking my head in remorse and regret. wad he said reflects so well wad God had been trying to tell me for the past few weeks. God was asking me to think through how I had been in my actions and words and conduct..if I am glorifying Him and if I have been a blessing and help to others. even in the BSF homework, I wrote down and shared with the group how, through reading one of the passages, we have to watch our conduct and actions towards others. and I failed terribly in this aspect. It hurts...only because it was what I had done and not what he had said. sigh. that's all I'm going to say here, i guess. let me close this chapter. Okay. so glad that last night, zw was able to book a driving lesson today for me! =) but i also nid to top up more money. and...oh no. i do see some plans of going KK in the 1st week of June month!! oh no! then, I'll miss zw's bday!! no!! really feel lyk giving this trip a miss. hmm. should I? arh..now, I'm jus tryin to convince my mum that my bro will have CCA and lessons that week so we can't fly off! haha :P i'm so mean right? bleah... okay! I gotta go already! ciao! and congrats to jeremy who got accepted to Warwick uni!! --------------------------------- Monday, April 07, 2008 @ 7:17 pm [dead tired]
alright. i forgot to say that the previous post is my 300th one! yay! on another note, i'm dead tired from teahcing. was relief-teaching today at my own pri school, Pei Hwa! well, it does feel good to be back in my own pri sch. esp greeting my old school teachers who still recognise me! esp mr tan. haha. still rmbs me as his best student =) many teachers are still there lyk ms priya, ms jennifer lai, mdm ling (YAY!), wong lao shi, lin lao shi (still as kind as ever)...sigh. miss the good old days when i was a student. and i made frens with 2 relief teachers, benjamin and daniel. and it got me thinking, why can't i have a more obvious Christian name lyk theirs? grr...sharon..if you don't know it's a name of a place written in the bible, you wldn't know it's a Christian name...okay. will question my mum later. anyway, a pity i din get to make frens with the other 2 gals whom i think are relief teachers too. and benjamin din tok to them also... right. so teaching was tiring. esp the patience/loyalty 6 class. they bully me lah. haha. okay. not to a very bad extent but they refused to listen to me and i can't get their attention unless i give in to their demands--lettin them off 5 mins early. so i'd no choice. then taught the top classes in maths which was very different. and they complained that i go too slowly. so wad to do? i really don't know. ha. and the teacher tat i'm reliefing din even leave many instructions for me..sigh. i hope i wun relief for long term!! after that, i taught yuan ru. so tat's why i'm also tired. i still lyk teaching one-to-one. i feel i'm better at it. lyk today, after school, i was coaching one fo the students personally. it was good. i can totally make sure that he understands. okay. anyway, am here to shout out another feeling. a feeling of resignation (haha. zw, don't mind, i steal this word from you). as he moves on to different jobs, a new school, having new colleague(s) at work, he is bound to meet many and different gals. gals that are surely to be prettier and better in character. i muz really learn to let go and not feel sour. so hard. i jus hope that i wun do n say any stupid things when it really comes. that i'll respect him and just be contented that i still can be frens with him... and well, i'm glad another he asked me out today. it's comforting. assuring. that i know that things have changed..his thinking has changed and he's more accepting of the current situation. i'm glad. i jus hope the meet-up will be something fruitful and meaningful instead of something unexpectedly not-nice. --------------------------------- Saturday, April 05, 2008 @ 10:53 pm [tired]
today i had a lesson with Leo. glad everything's on schedule thus far and that he finally did his maths well! though i wonder if his parents helped him? nvm. give him the benefit of the doubt. and can finally give him his reward and revamp the reward system. after that, headed to harbourfront to have lunch with Alvin. and when i was buying biscuit at Cheers, then Alvin's mum told me that yuan ru wants to cancel the tuition today! i was super shocked they told me so late lah! it was 1.30pm and the tuition time is 2pm!!! walau. made me go all the way down. sigh. well, the only comfort i can take is that i get to meet Alvin and go shopping with both Alvin and Zhiwen. i shopped at harbourfront center with alvin first. some dresses caught my eyes esp those on sale but not much shape lah. the sleeveless ones caught my eye more. ha. i was so tired that we jus sat down at the food junction there to talk and rest. after that, went vivo to shop with zw. finally, i stepped into that branch of Topshop and Forever 21. ha. but well, clothes there were expensive. can't afford lah. vivo clothes stuffs are out of my budget. well, headed to chr for band prac and got freaked out by a small nymph of a cockroach in the bus seat. yee. well, i'm glad zw was there! haha. it din rained on the way there to chr though i felt one drop of rain. hmm. today, band prac was tiring. i felt so bad that we had to prac so late at 430pm. i think it's partly the timing. sorry! the drummer was having a hard time. i know. i hoped i encouraged him/her jus as how eleena encouraged me the last time years ago. it's so true that the comfort one receives can go in a cycle and passes on to someone else. well, i din have a good time myself either. a bit irritated. but i'm glad eleena was there to talk to me and let me talk it out. most importantly, when i can hear wad advice she gives. mm. somehow, i trust her alot and respect her. thank God for her! well, it's 11pm plus. i guess my concerns are unfounded too. i hope the night will rest well in the darkness and so will tomorrow without any calls or smses from... okay. jus wanna add that eleena was talking to me about uni life and choices and hostel life. it was super informative and there is a chance to talk to her! she was telling me the importance of joining a christian fellowship/campus crusade group; about how easily swayed one can go in uni. well, though i would say that it varies frm person to person but i have to admit that i'm not strong enough now to pull me through uni. besides, it's always good to have a group of brothers and sisters, to have fellowship tgt, encourage each other and be accountable to one another. looking fwd to that! lastly, i jus realised the importance and power of the Holy Spirit! wow! it totally wows me. never see in this perspective before. hee. the insights the BSF notes gave were good! =) boy came back frm camp already. yay. and so did sis from emcee-ing from the campfire her sch held today... --------------------------------- Tuesday, April 01, 2008 @ 10:45 pm Turn your eyes
Turn your eyes upon Jesus Look full in His wonderful face And the things on earth will grow strangely dim In the light of His glory and grace AMEN to this song! and how true it is! when I fix my eyes on Jesus, all the stress, all the problems i'm facing jus becomes so small, so insignificant...peace jus enters in and fills me. thank you God! =)) *** [relaxed] today, i had a super duper relaxing day! only nid to teach at 430pm. so until tat time, i was super free! shiok! did the things i'd always wanted to do...lyk packin up and reading the 10 years ago Her World mags. ha. oh oh! good news 1: Leo scored 10/15 for his science sch test! super happy for him! well done! good news 2: Leo got only 2 mistakes for his vocab assignment i gave him. up frm getting only 2 correct qns the last time! his performance perked me up! good news 3: i managed to complete wad i'd set out to teach him! it's a bit challengin n at first, i din hv confidence i wld be able to do it. but hey! God works in wonders and it's done! =) oh..n so sad tat i missed zw on the bus today! it was so close! he sms me when he boarded the bus n told me it was a bendy. when a bendy bus came, i tot it's the one but no! it's an earlier bus. sigh. wad a pity! i was so lookin fwd to seeing him...sigh. oh well. another time then! lastly, been findin myself worrying for khalis once in a while recently. i know he's having a hard time. i hope he's okay now...still pullin strong. man, if u are reading this, jus wanna let u know tt i'm here! also thinkin of ruth n if she has returned frm her mission trip...hmm... --------------------------------- |