this afternoon, i was on the computer and heard piano sounds. when i listen more intensely, i can hear the player playing "Power of your love". at first, i didn't believe it, but it became clearer to me as the person continued playing slowly though it's not smooth. it reminded me so much of my past...

when i first started learning piano, and playing Christian songs, this was one of the first songs i learnt. it wasn't easy cos there were many ledger lines and fill-ins. and i played as slow as the player was playing then. but i pressed on and pulled through. and it became one of my favourite songs i like to play when i follow that particular songbook. so just now, i whipped out that old book frm the cupboard and played. boy, doesn't it feel good! many memories flooded back too. it was this book that i used when i was playing in church last time..

i even remembered playing with uncle walter. boy! do i miss him and his family! he wld play the guitar and i'll follow every note on my book. and i'll help him flip the page too. and i rmb how last time i wanted to play the piano for cell group but dare not ask my cell grp leader since most of them are adults too! it was pretty scary. but hey...i still rmb i played in church for my children's sunday school! and boy! how old was i then? 9? 10? i can't rmb but i know i was pretty young. and at times, it really amazes me how i would be able to play all those complicated notes and keep up with the rhythm....and did i spend a lot of time practising? i wonder but i have no recollection that i overspent my time on it.... man..i miss those days! it's really beautiful and heavenly. to be able to serve in church..wad more can i ask? =))

okay. so i'm turning 19 soon. 19..no more 18. and it's one year closer to 20. haha. so fast i'm leaving the "1" behind and moving on to the "2". haha. well, anyway, i'm living out my 19th year now right? come 1st May, it jus marks me having spent 19 years of my life on earth. i wonder how many more years i have left before the Lord calls me home. and i wonder if i've been doing what he would want me to do for the past 19 years...

i know there are many times i din. that's when he brings abt challenges, hardships, trials, sorrow, consequences of my sin so that i will turn back to Him. that's when He shouts out to me loud and clear that I just can't deny His voice. and no doubt, i did turn and listen. but for those time i've wasted, sorry. well, also wanna thank God for them too. for if everything goes smoothly, it wld be a life not well-lived. nonetheless, for those good times, i thank God too. for the love i've felt frm ppl arnd me, the life lessons i learnt, the fun times i have with frens and family, the nice ppl he sends along my way, the encouragements and support, the opportunities. mm. thank God for them! well well. it isn't even time yet for my bday but i'm already reflecting. haha. interesting...anyway, thoughts..dun let them slip by! okay. i think i'll leave the rest of the reflections to after my bday! haha.

now, for my kids, well, i'm starting to get worried for Leo. after having cancelled thu's lesson, i dun feel good abt it. his exams are near, his work isn't that fast. i haven't completed even one paper except for eng which he will complete by sat. i really dunno if i've prepared him enough for the exam. i'm really afraid he wun hit the expectation of his parents. rather, i wun be able to help him hit the expectations of his parents. i'm really afraid. today, the mum was asking me if he's prepared for exam. i was stunned by this qn. then fear overwhelmed me (sorry it sounds so compo-like. influenced already). i din noe how to answer her qn but it really got me thinking. sigh. i really am uncertain of the future. i guess the only i can do now is to lift it up to God...let Him take control since He is sovereign! amen!