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Sunday, January 25, 2009 @ 11:07 pm [update, CNY, in KL, reflections]
First off, HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR TO ALL! May the new year be a meaningful one as gatherings and catch-ups take place! And going back to culture and roots... As for me, I am spending my CNY in msia as usual. This time round, the long weekend break is a good and bad thing. Good because dad don't need to take leave. Bad because I have to bring my work to msia and force myself to study. Got much to catch up on. Well, I left on sat early morning. Woke up at 4am and set off for msia. Unfortunately, we got caught in a jam!! At such an early time!! I literally saw sunrise at Tuas Checkpoint! Bleah. The jam was very bad. Was stuck in there for about 3 hours. After the cars passed the customs passport checking, alot of ladies started coming out of the cars and queued up for the toilet. There were very loooong queues. Even outside the gents, ladies are queueing up!! Haha. So headed for KL. Dad didn't let me drive any part of the highway :( But arrived safely. Thank God. I heard too much of the scary tales from frens. Had a good time with my aunty, uncle and cousin from my mum's side. Staying over at their place through the nights. Especially my cousin Paul. Glad to have caught up with him and meet him again. He drove and brought me out for supper! (: Thanks cousin! In the day, yesterday, thank God that I studied! Okay. I know this sounds very stupid, selfish and too studious, but hey, this is heartfelt and I am very glad that I can do work. Usually I can't because I'm away from home. But i managed to. Thank God! Though I was curbing with flu the whole time. Hee. Talking about flu, my health these few days aren't good. Before I left, I already feel a sore throat coming. Not much cough. But have alot of phlegm. To make things worse, I've been having asthma every day since I've arrived in msia. Need to use the inhaler arnd twice :( Quite a bad n dangerous one. Lastly, I have a big ulcer on my gum :( So hope you all can pray for me? Thanks alot man! So today is New Year's Eve. Had a good dinner time. Lots of food. Around 20 ppl were present. Many of my aunties and uncles are present. Had to set up 2 dining tables. Big uh? At first, I was quite sad and alone..like I couldn't clique with my cousins. Quite true considering that I'm from Singapore and dunno the education system well. Neither do I keep in much contact with most of them. Made me quite sad. Very hard to break the ice. And seeing my cousins being able to talk to one another easily always makes me jealous. Sigh. I wonder what can I do. And I wonder if we'll still be close when our parents passed on or when we have grown up... But still, towards the end, it wasn't too bad. Cindy sat beside me so we talked for quite a bit. Then played card games with some of my other cousins. Not bad lah. Tomorrow i'll be seeing them again... Oh well. On a side note, I really don't know what to think about. I often find myself wondering why and find myself getting a little jealous. Oh God! Please help me not to be so! Help me to love. To really love. And help me to trust you, God. That you have a plan for me as you said in Jeremiah 29:11 and the reminder you gave me on the bookmark. Help me to control my thoughts and feelings and to make them "captive...[and]...obedient to Christ". Amen. --------------------------------- Saturday, January 17, 2009 @ 12:09 am [reflection and write-up entry]
Title: Learning to lean
My buddy rides a Honda motorcycle. It's red, it looks hot, it goes real fast and he rides it like a pro. My friend will take anyone for a ride on his Honda. Sounds fun? Sounds scary? It's not--unless you don't lean. Even if you've never ridden, you've probably seen motorcycle riders lean in the direction they're turning. If they don't, the motorcycle (and the rider) will topple over. To the passenger, it's a matter of faith. If he leans in the same direction the driver is leaning, the ride is smooth. But when the passenger panics, becuse it feels more natural to sit staright, that causes problems. I told my buddy he was illustrating an important spiritual principle: If we lean away from sin and towards God, we enjoy a Christ-centered ride and can move in whichever direction God is leading us. Sometimes it feels unnatural to lean. All of our instincts, as well as some of the people around us, can cause us to lean away from God. Our own wisdom gets us in trouble. We suffer either a minor fender bender or a major wreck. Learning to trust God is like leaning with a motorcycle: The first few times may seem unnatural, even scary. But as you get used to it, it becomes easier. Eventually, not trusting God's way seems crazy--as crazy as leaning the wrong way on a motorcycle. Compare your Christian experience to a motorcycle ride. Have you come close to tipping over or crashing? Maybe you have been working against God instead of with Him. An obedient Christian committed to following God's Will is like a motorcycle taking turns gracefully. But a Christian who does things his own way is like a motorcycle that is about to crash. What kind of ride are you looking for? Questions for reflection: How can you lean more in the direction God wants you to go? Why is being obedient to Him so important? ~John Carvalho, Our Daily Journey, Jan 12 2008 *** I believe that Khalis will agree with me on how important it is for his pilion to lean in the same direction as he is. And as I was chatting with him about this, i realised how important it is. And to me, this article speaks to me alot and i can relate to it very well. Having being pilioned many times and enjoying the thrill of it, I understand how uncomfortable it is at first to follow suit and how scary it can. Nonetheless, it's about trust and faith in the words of the rider and in the instructions that he says that will ensure safety. Indeed, thank God for being my rider! Thank God that He will direct me on the path He wants me to take no matter how many twists and turns, S-course, Crank course and even U-turns He'll take me on before reaching that destination of eternity with Him. Thank God for showing me through this article! And I pray that I'll learn to lean on God and trust in Him. To obey my Rider! Amen! --------------------------------- Friday, January 16, 2009 @ 2:11 pm [recount]
On right! This is my 370th published post! =) Yay. Sure come a long way uh? And I must say that it is amazing how my previous entry actually had quite a number of response. Was I that emo? Haha. Those weren't the worst emo entries but they are certainly true and heart-felt. Haven't blogged for a long time and i haven't been online for a long time either. These few days, to be exact, 2 nights, I haven't even switched on my laptop while i was in hall! Amazing! What was I doing? STUDYING! Okay. sounds like a nerd but i really needed to study and read my physics textbook. I can't read with music in the background and I'm not good at physics. And so reading the textbook is one of the better ways for me to learn this subject to the best. And thank God that it had been smooth. Read 2 chapters and i understood what was written. Gained a better understanding. Better than when the lecturer speaks. Ha. Thank God! =)) Well, wanna say thanks to Khalis too for bringing me out to eat nasi lemak and spent some time talking to me. Thanks and sorry about the other day! Counselling course quiz 1! It was good. Haha. Scored 9/10 =)) Yay. Thank God! Because the questions weren't that easy--rather tricky though. And I studied and read my readings at the last minute. So it was a bit scary. But thank God it was smooth! And I was told that it's the hardest quiz. So the next few ones will be easier (: still, the readings were good, informative and an eye-opener. Never learnt things such as these... Well, recently I borrowed a book on Esther from my pastor and it was great. It talks alot about the issues then and applicable to now, the characters of Esther and what we can learn. Quite cool! But cos of that, I also got a bit stressed up on how to handle the 2 books. Oh well. Will discuss with Shu Hui. Nonetheless, I hope that the book will help me and I'll look more on myself rather than what I can deliver. [a smile] This entry has always been on my mind. So let me pen it down. Recently, I started thinking about smiles. What's in a smile? What does a smile represent? What does it signal? When should one smile and not smile? Will it give mixed signals or even unnecessary signals? What's in a smile?
--------------------------------- Sunday, January 11, 2009 @ 1:32 am [thank God]
Thank God I had many MANY chances of showing Facing The Giants show to my friends. Roomie, Shu Hui, Wanting, Reuben, Sarah and mum. Yeah. I had probably watched it 3-4 times in the week! But it was good because I get to discuss with them about it and share opinions. And I muz say that I learn much from them! going beyond limits, faith as the blindfold, God as our coach...tat's quite cool. The best one was watching with roomie. Sparked quite a number of conversations with her about Christianity and she asking some of the doubts and unanswered questions in her mind all these while. Thank God I had a chance to be able to start this kind of conversations. and thank God for giving me a chance to share wad I learned. Indeed, what I learn, I not only keep it in mind but apply it to my life. Wrote down specifically how and what I can and should do... [emotional and fears] Somehow, I have been having this thought in my mind. After all I've been through, I just feel afraid to be in a relationship again. I fear what it'll bring. Whether it'll be another break-up. Whether it'll work out. How the other party will be like. Will I end up hurting him and myself. Will I glorify God in this relationship. Will He be pleased when He sees this relationship. Will others praise God and see His love through this relationship. Will others see God in this relationship. Will it take up a lot of my time. Can I commit that much, sacrifice that much. Am I willing. How accomodating and understanding he would be. How would i be. How about parents from both side. The relationships that I currently have. My studies. The time i need to spend on my studies...Sigh. So many fears. But all so true from my heart. I really fear. Been having these thoughts here and there. Not the first time I face this though. Ever since my first break-up, i felt so. I wonder if i'll take long to recover. Will it affect how i present and act and speak? well, definitely i guess. Lord, please take these fears away and help me to trust you. Help me to trust in your plan and your good, perfect and pleasing will. Help me to depend on you solely and not wallow in the fears. Lift me up once again. Above my fears. For you are bigger than all my fears combined! Well, another thing that makes me emo is seeing how my frens and all are in a relationship or starting one. Got a shock when i reached hall this week and hear all the news. Sigh. So fast. one by one getting attached. hearing the plans they have, what they are doing, where they've been, the fun they must have had or the fun they are going to get...makes me feel jealous. like i want it now too. but then again, it's a spur-of-the-moment thought. far from these fun is the cry of commitment and sacrifice. and until i'm ready and willing, i dun think i have the right to want them... Lord, please help me to let go... --------------------------------- Saturday, January 03, 2009 @ 3:59 pm [Inspired]
I just watched Facing The Giants! It's such a wonderful, touching and God-inspiring movie! One of the best Christian movies I had watched! It is totally awesome! I teared at several scenes. Well, there are miracles happening in the show. And some may argue that it's just a show; it may not happen in real life. But what touches me from this movie is not that there is a happy ending at the end, but how real the movie is--portraying the fears in us, the struggles we face, God's promises and His wonderful hand that can and is at work right now. I like this short story that Mr Bridges was telling the coach:
This story reminds me that faith without deeds is dead. (James 2:26) Yes. Prayer is the way to turn to. And faith is involved in prayer. But acting upon that faith, preparing yourself (or whatever it is) and doing your part while praying is what goes "wow!". Playing your role, doing your part, co-operating with God is what God requires of us. Indeed, what is prayer without belief? What is faith without action? Here are some conversations that I would like to write and take note of. Look at how real the struggles and fears are portrayed! David's dad talking to David:
I feel this fear is so true and real. Indeed, at times, I really feel small and inadequate. I'm willing to venture, interested, but just afraid. Afraid of falling and implicating everyone. Yeah. Everyone fails at some point. The impt thing is to get up and stand up again. David's dad talking to David after a failed football game:
How wonderful is the father! Such a great father who prays for his kid since young! Great! A role model to follow. "When I am weak, then he is strong". Amen! Coach after reading Psalms 18:1-3
May this echo the prayer of my heart too. Coach to wife:
It sure isn't easy to still love God in spite of the downs we face. When I saw this scene, I teared because haing own kids are the next nearest thing in my heart. Can empathise with the wife. Still having faith in God and trusting Him that He has the best plan. And above all, to bind these with love for Him aren't easy. It takes time and conviction to say it from the heart. But may the answer forever be "yes, I will". Keep me strong in the faith. David's dad talking to David after a football game where David failed to score a field goal:
Quite an interesting quote at the end...your actions will always follow your belief. Whatever we do stems from our values and convictions. Mr Bridges talking to Coach Taylor before the farmer story begins:
Amen! Until the Lord calls me somewhere, I'm to shine for Him where-ever it is! Fulfil the purpose God has called me to ministry, to church, to NTU, to the course, to my frens, to my hall etc. Yeah. And it takes alot of sensitivity and faith and prayer on Mr Bridges to be used by God to read Rev 3 and speak to the coach like this. May I be sensitive like Mr Bridges and bless others. Coach to team on the football philosophy:
What an amazing and motivating coach! Though not all the team players are Christians, he dared to stand up and speak about his faith! And motivate them and change their perspective. WOW! And I pray that God will use me as instrument too--bold and courageous and sensitive. Honour God! May He be honoured in everuthing I say and do and where-ever I am. Coach at the field:
Coach talking to team about a miracle:
Amen! God's promise for all! Coach on the state championship field praying:
Coach Taylor's previous Coach talking to him:
Really? So many times? That's one "do not fear" for each day! Haha. Sweet! Why can I have such strong assurance not to be afraid? Because there is a God that is bigger than my problems and situations! He's the one who is sovereign and can work miracles and do things in the best interest! And I believe in Him! Coach talking to team before the BIG game:
Indeed, remembering the goodness He has given us in the past will push us to look forward with confidence to the situation we are facing. Coach talking to David then being questioned why David is chosen to kick the ball:
At times, I do feel inadequate. Unprepared and untrained. Lord, please guide me, help me and take control of me. For it's only through you. Not by human efforts but yours. Lord, I want to have the faith with deeds to perpare for rain. Coach confronting David before the field goal kick:
Like the last quote. "don't you walk off that field having done any less than your best". How many times have I not given my best? How many times have I quit before I give it all? Give your best and all you got in the coming semester and in the new ministry, Sharon. Coach talking to David and team after the victory:
AMEN! Nothing is impossible with God! Hallelujah! Like the part where the other coach talks about the wide and narrow gate to tell David to kick a good field goal. Funny but relevant. Then Coach Taylor talks about Nehemiah asking the people to rebuild the wall. Each one played their part and build the wall that is in front of their houses. Then it linked to building up a stone wall as a defence in the game. Well, good movie. Thank God for such a great movie! Hope it'll continue to bless others just as how it had blessed me. And used me to use this movie to bless others! The song: With You You have been so good to me
--------------------------------- Thursday, January 01, 2009 @ 11:59 pm HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Alright. So it's the start of the new year 2009! As I reflect on 2008, I must say that I thank God alot. This time round, my reflections are more structured and organised (wonder if it's good but it did help me). Splitting into 5 columns--events in 08, thanksgivings, lessons learned, confessions and what I want to work on/continue. Quite cool eh? And I prayed over every single item written down. I specifically wanna mention a few here. But to give a broad picture first, 2008 has been a very eventful year for me. I had many milestones in my life. Working at JTC, giving tuition, BSF, A level results, uni applications (overseas and local), scholarship applications, NTU MSE, Hall, uni exams, results, chances of evangelism...many more. So you can see, many changes took place eh? Okay. To name a few things I'm thankful for: Thank God for giving me a chance to do Bible Study/follow-up with Shu Hui. Her enthusiasm, her willingness and God's preparation on me as I lead. Thank God for the time we can have and for both of us being able to take time off. Thank God for the lessons learned. Next, thank God for the wonderful clique of friends I found in uni. The core 4 of us--wanting, peter, john and I. The wider circle which also includes lester, yichen, terence and jue xuan. They are a great bunch of people! Thank God for them. Esp my brothers and sister who really encouraged me and work alongside with me and study tgt! I really thank God for such wonderful and unique fellowship. A privilege and very rare. The third thing. Thank God for friendships forged this year. letting the friendship between Khalis and I continue on. the friends I made at JTC though I've lost contact with some of them. To name specifically the friends are zhiwen, alvin, jia wen and yichen. well, in particular, thank God for the friendship i had with zhiwen. and alvin. Fourth: Thank God for BSF. Giving me wonderful sisters and fellowship. Talking to me through the notes and qns. Letting me learn more about your word in a more disciplined and clearer way. Thank God for convicting my heart of things I learned in Matthew. Fifth: Opportunities to evangelise and testify for God! Nothing makes my heart jump more than these! To be used by Him as an instrument! Amen! Thank God for such opportunities whether it's subtle or open. Well, there are many things to thank God for--NTU acceptance into MSE, A level and uni results etc. So can't name all of them here. But perhaps I would like to say some of the life lessons I learned? First, understood one of the principles why God does not allow Christians to have non-Christian partners. Second, learned more and rest in God's love. Esp through Psalms 100... Confessions? Hurt that I caused to people, carelessness in speech, impatience... Okay. I guess the last column that I didn't write here, I just keep it for myself k? A bit tired to type them out. In any case, I hope that the new year will be something great! That it'll be something that God's plan will be laid out in my life. Hope that I'll grow closer to God, work on the things I've written down and persevere on the things I've already started out. When I fall, stand up and run to Him
Yeah. My little poem. Anyway, as I was transferring some data into my new calendar and marking out some dates, I noticed it's quite empty. Quite contrary to the 2008 calendar I was flipping through. Hmm. I wonder what will fill the pages and the boxes. Events? Meet-ups? Meetings? Activities? Test dates? Well, I just pray that as I fill them up, going about them, I will be sensitive to God's leading, yielding to His plans and not mine, and following Him. Amen. --------------------------------- |