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Thursday, February 26, 2009 @ 12:19 am [thoughts]
Just suddenly feel like blogging some things. But don't know how much I should say, how deep should i talk about each issue and how much thoughts to reveal. Sigh. I bet my bestie, Khalis, will say that the blog is my own and I can just express whatever I want. But to me, I also have to be sensitive to others. People are reading. And I'm reflecting on what had happened to my friends, my surroundings and my environment...it isn't all that nice to blurt out my thoughts if I've never mentioned to them before right? Well, maybe I'll start with something easy to say. Thought number 1: the number one thing I'm looking out in a guy: Christian maturity. I know it sounds random but I just want to write this down to remind myself. The guy must be a Christian and hopefully spiritually mature. Having a Christian partner really makes a lot of difference. Was talking to mum recently: if my partner is a Christian, will there ever be a balance between the time we spent with each other and the time spent outside each other? And her reply was that there WILL be a balance as long as both of you have the same value system and beliefs. And how true it is! From what we value most and what priorities are important to how we spend weekends and praying for each other, that Christian guy and I will have similar value system and can share the joy and pain with me. The encouragements and advice received will far exceed what a non-Christian partner can give. And as in every relationship, partners influence each other the most. So, rmb Sharon, be influenced by Godly influence. In this way, you'll grow and you'll help him to grow. And trust me man, God will be pleased. Amen. Thought number 2: I'm starting to feel stressed up! I just realised that it's slightly past mid-week and I haven't done much work!!! Ahh..tat's so unlike me! Usually I complete my work fast and early. Bleah. "Back-slided". I gotta catch up with my work. and i start to feel the pressure when i see that i have the project to handle and the lab report to submit. super stress. how to study for tests? I don't know. Plus, not to forget, I still have my other engagements like lunch with Pastor tml and studying with Kok Siong (tat's a must cos I need his help) on Friday. Sigh. Aiyo. I think I spent too much time relaxing--Pulau Ubin cycling the whole day on Monday, Movie + Shopping on Tues, Dinner appt on Wed...bleah. Better buck up! But also wanna shout out: I'M STRESSED! Thought number 3: Thank God once again. He is great. He is awesome. He is wonderful. And He works in miraclous ways! I love you God! Thought number 4: Quite looking forward to lunch with Pastor Janet on thu. Quite happy to have this chance. Though it means another few hours gone from studying, I would rather invest my time in relationship with her. After all, she's my pastor and I ought to play my part, put in the effort on my side n keep in touch with her. It's not easy being a pastor of a flock. So let this sheep do her part and make it easier. Hope to have a good time of chat and fellowship and sharing. I hope she'll be encouraged by what God is doing in my life and I hope I'll be encouraged through her too. Pastor, I love you too. Thought number 5: (I hope you don't mind me writing this down, friend) "Are you sad for me? Are you disappointed in me?" "No. I'm not disappointed in you. But I'm sad with you." I just felt that it was God's words put into my mouth when I said it to my friend. The word "with" really makes alot of difference. It brings with it a meaning of "I'm with you together in this. You are not alone. I feel the way you feel and wnat to feel what you feel." And this is my sincere and genuine thought. The one word "with" just summarises it all. So, my friend, I know once in a while you read my blog. So this is to you: Whatever comes, always remember that I am here. And so is God. And I feel for you and want you to know that you can always turn to me and pour out whatever feelings you have. Continue to pray and trust in God for guidance, wisdom and discernment. Thought number 6: I want to go and slp already. Goodnight! --------------------------------- Saturday, February 21, 2009 @ 1:59 am [reflections reflections]
Hmm. I wonder why these few days I've been thinking alot. I look at things around me, hear what is happening to me and my frens and watch wat other ppl are doing and i start to think. i start to look at the issues in the big picture and think. question myself and find answers myself and discuss my thoughts with ppl that i can rely on. hmm. I wonder what has gotten into me and make me so....philosophical? Sigh. I wish I can share my thoughts and reflections here but it's an online journal--a blog after all. So gotta be watchful and mindful of what i say. My frens are reading. So can't say much. I cld only say that i thought about things like relationships. relationships with friends and with partners. and i was also wondering about this: Time I wonder whether time has been used too much as an excuse than a reason. Ever heard of how people always say "Give him time", "He needs some time", "He needs time to be alone", "don't push. he just needs time", "guess he's not ready yet", "wait for the perfect timing"...*the usage of he is for general purpose*. So then, i wonder, is time really the reason or are we just saying it to mask up a deeper, more impt underlying issue? Perhaps there are hinderances, there are other obstacles, other issues that is actually the one causing the wait. and perhaps, the "wait" and "time" factor is really just to cast the issue one side to avoid thinking about it. But still, I believe sometimes the word "wait" and "time" do have it's meaning and serves it's purpose. Perhaps, it is really the reason. Time allows us to train our patience. Gives us calmness so we'll have better minds to think and decide. Time allows us to step outta the circle to see the picture big and square (or round). Time gives us space. Time gives us a moment to breathe. Time is trust in God--hoping in His Character, claiming His promises, smiling amid the storm and knowing that He's in control. So to Time, this is what I have to say: If you are ever just a mask or an excuse, may you be kind and reveal yourself to me. Let me know that I'm wrong, I'm looking in the wrong place and not taking responsibility. May you push and convince me that there is something deeper; there is a deeper issue that I need to solve. If you are the reason I should give, may I never doubt you. May I then put my trust in you and in God that time will prove just how great our Creator is. May I trust that as you grow old, things will be better and things will turn out for the good. And to your (and my) Creator, I pray that I'll love Him more and more to trust Him in His perfect and good timing. Amen. There. Concluded. Another reflection i have? I just have this inclination to write essays. To write narrative. To imagine myself being someone or something and start writing my feelings, thoughts and actions. Somehow, the essay that I wrote as I impersonate myself as the basket used by Moses just keeps getting stuck in my head. I jus feel a very strong urge to write again. To inspire and to encourage through my stories... On another note, I wanna thank God for helping me through my counselling course. I think I've mentioned it in my prev entry. But the best is that how He used me and the skills I'm equipped with. He had indeed amazed me and done a miracle in my life by a simple yet conscious act. Thank God that He's given me such a chance and opportunity (: --------------------------------- Wednesday, February 18, 2009 @ 9:25 am [reflections]
so BSF started on Monday! It was good. It feels good to be back in the fellowship and body of Christ. And it feels good to sing hymns again. and it's even better that I get another chance and avenue to learn God's Word and in a deeper way. I'm glad John and Dennis signed up for BSF though both of them met with resistance initially. My group was not too bad. Though I'm one of the youngest there. Those studying in uni are in year 2 or 3 and in NUS. Sigh. I'm the only one in NTU. Oh well. Well, I'm glad I managed to encourage one of my group members to be an usher together with me! I explained much and gave much enthusiasm! Hope she'll like it! To serve wtih joy and a smile! It's good medicine for the heart! Well, after the lecture and all, we had a class fellowship. The leaders bought food for all of us. then i was questioned, "does free food always occur?" then, it made me wonder, why do we place so much emphasis on the word "free"? Why does it seem to be an NTU culture thing to be on a look-out for freebies? Even among the christians, i hear it quite commonly. shouldn't we christians be just stewards of our money? giving and sharing food with others is but a blessing to them; a way of serving others; a token of offering to God in appreciation for His love...I just wish that we all cld be mindful that money is jus temporal, food is but a means to survival while our eternity is in heaven. freebies isn't the word we shld lookout for ourselves but rather to give to others... Nxt, I was questioned recently how i find so much time for other courses. Yeah. I admit that sometimes i think about this too. Esp at the beginning of my counselling course. Now that i've finished, *YAY*, I really wanna thank God for seeing me through, giving me strength (esp through all the readings) and helping me learn more about counselling and the skills. I muz say tat it's insightful and helpful to me. And what is the motivation that made me go for this course? Why and how do i find time amidst the busy student uni life? I would say that it's God. God's my motivation. Interest is second in place. it's these 2 factors that pushed me to go for the course week-after-week for 6 weeks, quiz EVERY week and a reflection paper to write about. And i believe it's this kinda courses that makes life not so dull and boring. that there is more to it then learning the subjects in school, more than jus for the degree, but rather, for interest, for learning, for helping others, for God. it enriches life, makes life more "rounded" as educators say. And so, will i find the time for more courses? Will you see me signing up for more? I certainly hope so! May I not be consumed by the studies and ways of the world, but seek first His Kingdom and to give myself a healthy mind and body for the Holy Spirit to live in. So what other courses am I thinking of? Language courses, more counselling course, dance courses (but I need a dance partner first!!), music? I guess that phrase of my life is over already... Okay. Yesterday, a funny thing happened. I was boarding the 190 bus and suddenly, I felt someone stepped on the back of my shoe. then, *oops*, my foot came out of the shoe! ha. I was so embarrassed. I had to move back (while i was on the steps), and try to take my shoe and move forward. Bleah. so funny and paiseh. i think the guy was also quite paiseh. then, another thing happened. i sat beside this super handsome and smart guy. okay. his looks is besides the point. then, i saw him writing on a notebook. me being kaypo, i tried to read and looked at what he's writing. honestly, his handwriting was qutie bad. very hard to read and make it out. but i managed to make out words like "Lord Jesus Christ" and "pray" and "thank you Lord". Ha. then, i realised he's a christian and writing on a diary. i wanted so much to greet him and say that i'm his sister-in-christ but i was quite scared to do so. i mean, there's nothing else on him that says he's a christian except for wad he has written. and if he asks me how i know he's a christian, i wld be very embarrassed to say that it's because i looked at what he's writing. plus, i din noe what else to say after greeting him. ahhh...i was quite stuck throughout the whole journey. in the end, i jus left the bus like that. as i look into the bus where he sat after i've alighted, there's an aching nag that says that i shld have spoken to him. he looked super tired. if i spoke to him, maybe i cld help him, give him some encouragement etc. sigh. i shld have...oh well. if it's God's will, we'll cross paths again. otherwise, i jus pray tat this stranger will be strengthen and i'll be more sensitive to the Holy Spirit. Stranger stranger, why do you look so tired?
I'm sorry I chanced upon your diary
May you find strength while you look burdened
God bless you! (: --------------------------------- Sunday, February 15, 2009 @ 11:52 pm [quotes, reflection]
But first! An update! I got invited to an OCS BALL!!!! Haha. My dream comes true! Okay. I know it sounds crazy to be happy over this but hey! this kind of chance dun come often! And it's not easy. Considering that many of my batch of guys prob got into their own units already. And Zhen Guang is in OCS! He survived and so invited me to His commissioning ball on 28 march! =) It's still a long way--6 weeks? But I'm excited already! Quite happy and thankful that he invited me! =) It's held at Shangri-La. And I'm already thinking of what I should do...my hair, my nails, my dress? I was thinking of doing temporary curls or permanent ones. Or was thinking of getting a hairstylist to do up my hair. Checked out the price this morning--$10.80 for temp curls. After one wash, then *poof* it's back to the normal hair. Tat is how temporary it is! Ha. Then, I was thinking of the dress. I would like a new dress but i think i dun wanna spend money again. Neither do i want zg to spend somemore money :S He already spent alot for that dinner! $300 for the both of us! I sure am going to fork out some money to him man! We met up the night we contacted each other--last friday, 13feb. Then entered V-day with him! Haha. No significance actually. Jus happened to be out till that late. Initially wanted to jus hang arnd somewhere and reach home before midnight. But his book-out was late and so we ended up meeting late at railmall (: At least it's near for me but poor him had to take a cab home. At that time, I wished I could drive man. Then I could have driven him home. Nxt time! So catched up quite a bit. He shifted to a new house, find out who else I know that is still in OCS etc. I plan to write small congrats cards and give them tat night! I have quite a few frens there--Alvin, Edwin (my neighbour whom I've not met yet), Samuel, Jordan, Seng Long etc...hope their partners don't mind me popping by their table! Oh well. Talking about this here makes me excited also! Now, I jus pray that he'll continue to be safe throughout the remaining 6 weeks and persevere through. Same to all my frens in this batch whom I know. V-day was spent quite differently from last year. I spent it with my piano, keys and scores in the morning, plus prayer too. Then the stove and pasta had a date with me, followed by ben hon, aunty daisy, uncle clarence, bernice, jun may, lydia, kah hwee and not forgetting, my beloved keyboard in church! After which, I entered dreamland and ate dinner in a daze. Finally, I ended off that day with work. Ha. Something different uh? Well, I would say that I suddenly felt that it's okay. I didn't feel anything sad etc. I guess the talk wtih Le Jing the night before helped. Her sharing on her thoughts and John's sms on God's love really opened up my eyes and helped me to focus on what's the real meaning and motivation behind love. God's greatest demonstration of love to mankind is indeed undeniable and unfathomable. It's his best love gift to me. And the best love I've ever received. That because God loved us so much to send His Son to pay for my sins, redeemed me so that I can reconcile with God is what I am really thankful for and feel deeply loved by. And this reminded me of the lesson I learned through Crusade about what Jesus accomplished on the cross and the new insights that I gained. Especially propitiation. Also, because of His great love, I can have the power, the will and the reason to love others and spread His love to all. Though at times I fail because I'm an imperfect man, but God's love never fails and He will still be glorified at the end of the day. Uniquely, I've seen 2 people who blogged 1 Cor 13 and highlight what words impress them most. As for me, as I read through their entries and the Bible passage, the words that impresses me is "patient" and "hope". It reminds me that I must be patient now as I wait. And also patient when I'm in it. Hope reminds me to be optimistic and points me back to God in whom I have divine, everlasting and firm hope because of His Character (iHope conference). Amen! Below are some quotes that I took from my couselling reading materials on pre-marital counselling and marriage counselling that I find quite worth thinking, sharing and writing down here for all to see. Enjoy! 1. In good communication, the message sent verbally is consistent with the message sent non-verbally. 2. Good communication also demands that the message sent is the same as the message that the other person receives. 3. The content of communication is less important than how the messages are conveyed. 4. Fallacy of the reasonable solution: The view that reasonable solutions don't always bring peace even when these solutions are accepted by reasonable people. 5. Tension persists because many problems are more emotional than rational. 6. To esteem our spouses when we see them as God does--as flawed people like ourselves who are nevertheless the objects of God's incomprehensible grace. 7. Leaving, being joined and becoming one can be viewed as the 3 purposes of marriage. Leaving--departure from parents and a public and legal union. Being joined--the couple cannot be pulled apart without one or both being torn; dedicated to loving, drawing tgt and remaining faithful to each other. Becoming one--sex and sharing dreams, hopes, fears, material possessions, thinking, feelings, joys, difficulties, successes and failures; the 2 personalities are not so merged that each person's uniqueness is gone, but rather, they are developed in partnership with those of one's mate to make a complete relationship. --------------------------------- Saturday, February 07, 2009 @ 11:46 pm [back!]
Okay. I know it's been a long time since I've blogged. Honestly, I do miss blogging. But somehow, don't have any inspiring articles to copy over or anything that urges me so hard to write here. So I've been putting it off till now. So what was I doing the past few days? STUDYING! Yeah. Was studying hard. I would say that after sem 1, I know what is expected of me and I know how much effort to put in. So I've been trying to keep pace. It was doing good thus far until the last week. I haven't even touched my physics textbook! Quite scary. Hopefully it wun make me be behind schedule. this week, I'd also made several academic decisions. Especially on which tutorials to go to. I've been doing internal and secret swopping on my own. Crashing my frens' ones. And honestly, their tutors are much better. I hope that by my going over, I won't affect my own attendance or grades. Especially with this whole marking-attendance thing. So far the maths and phys tutor didn't mark attendance. So I hope that it wld stay that way so that I can go crash others. Well, the rational behind it? I can study and learn better if I'm tutored by better tutors. Logical right? It's for my studies' sake. Not entirely to company my frens etc. Well, besides studying, I did have alot of fun!
So elaboration on the 1st one: The first programme was for Eugene's Birthday. Actually, that one I worked with Wan Ting. She drew the cake while I do the maths. And so we created a programme that can ask questions (where you can ONLY answer "y") and to calculate your age before a cake appears! =) Fun right? The second programme was a shrot questionaire that I rushed out for my Bible Study on the topic of Biblical Fasting. It was quite fun! Can do multiple choice. I immediately applied what I learned in lecture! I did meet some problems but I still managed to solve it by recalling what I learned in lecture! Cheers to staying awake in lecture! :P Elaboration on the 2nd one: Had 2 free tickets given by Terence. So I went with Tay Zar to catch it. It was fun and nice. My first time being able to get a proper seat and watch the performances live. The groups from various countries were good. Miss Thailand 2009 came. And I was surprised to see Noah's Ark float. NTU's float was very chena. NUS's one seems more lively and bright. Hmm. But well, the best was the magic show. The entrance by the magician on a REAL and BIG horse! The appearing and disapperaing acts by the magician was good. Firecrackers and fireworks were present. Tested out my camera on the fireworks and they were good! See below! After that, Tay Zar and I went out and hanged around at City Hall area. Went to have desert and drink. Then walked super long and far to find the bus stop for night rider. Super horrible walking. Luckily I had roomie's help to search on the net to help me find where's the bus stop in city hall area. Thanks dear!
Elaboration on 3rd point: So there was a dinner at Turf City on Wednesday. Quite sorry that the seniors can't go though it's their last year here. Thank God the event ran smooth. And I had a good time. A satisfying time though I think I did more than what is expected of me. At least I was thanked and ppl recognised my effort. I prepared all the games, made sure all the logistics for the games are present, typed out a checklist for it, and even prepare on the spot for it. oh well. it does feel good once again to organise an event. but i wonder if my status fits that. hmm. anyway, last event already. good lah. So, after all these fun, I had my downs. I scored horribly for my counselling quiz. I didn't finish my reading even until the last hour. Left one section. So I didn't even do revision on wad I'd previously read. So it was quite bad. I scored 4/10. Sigh. Taught me a lesson: TO DO MY READINGS! Mum and dad are away now. so it's only me and the other 2 and po-po in the house. Being the eldest, as Khalis puts it, i feel a sense of responsiblity to the family. And yes. I do feel the pressure. I guess it just comes with my birth order. can't change it. jus live with it and respond wisely to it. Mum and dad will come back on wednesday. A day after mum's bday! boy! I've almost forgotten about it! Okay. I wonder what to get for her or if i need to prepare anything for her! So I had the car. Drove a few times. Quite scary to drive alone. Feels good to have bro sitting beside me. And directing me too. And a sense of fulfillment and freedom and independence when I drive without my parents. A training of focus and confidence for me. Well, my cough and phlegm is still persisting. I guess I didn't take good care of myself. Still eat chocolate, potato chips and all those stuffs that I'm not supposed to eat. Bleah. muz stop and be disciplined not to do so, so that I can recover then can eat all those stuffs with a peaceful mind uh? (: Crusade on Thursday was very good. Touched on the topic on Salvation. In fact, it's not "touched on", it's "in-depth study on" salvation. I've never done such an in-depth study on it. The speaker covered on many aspects of salvation with bible references. I learned new words, refreshed common ones and learned more about the meaning of each word. The best part was the discussion where we talked about if a person can lose his salvation. And I must thank God for such a good speaker who can not only speak but faciilitate well. She asks us question after question as we give our arguments. And though she has a biblical answer to it, she chose to let us discuss until time runs out and she told us the answer. And when she does, we were all jus silent. It's jus so amazing yet true; whatever she said was so true... After that, it brought me to an even deeper understanding and appreciation to what God has done for us; for me. To how much Jesus has done for me. To what He had accomplished through Christ's death and resurrection. And it jus simply brings me to a standstill of awesomeness and wonder at how great and BIG God is! I teared as the speaker was praying. After crusade, I saw Jonathan Loh/Soh that I recognised is from hall 11. So I approached him and asked if i can walk back to hall with him since the shuttle bus service stopped. So on the way back, we started talking about hall, about cny dinner the night before, about our muscial gifts and the most wonderful thing was his testimony. He was sharing his testimony on a bit of his spiritual life--how God brought him back. And I was once again filled with awe and wonder at God's marvellous and BIG plan for him! I was amazed at the means God used to bring Him back--divine appt--and the response that Jonathan gave. I was happy for him. Definitely. And I'm glad Jonathan responded in obedience n I'm glad that God is still a faithful God and loves us very much. I'm thankful to God for touching his life and so he can be a wonderful testimony to others! So yeah. I'm once again filled awe and joy! And in that night, I just spent time delibrately downstairs and prayed to God. Spent some time in prayer and just thanking God for being who He is as well as to pray for others. Amen! --------------------------------- |
