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Sunday, July 26, 2009 @ 10:18 pm [the heart]
Our hearts are not pure. Jeremiah said, "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure" (Jer 17:9). Yet, "with God all things are possible" (Matt 19:26). Jesus can cleanse your heart, and He will do so and will keep you pure, too, if you will ask Him. Took this from my BSF notes and it totally wowed me. In this statement and declaration, the author used 2 Bible verses! And linked them well and all so true! It fills my heart with joy knowing that I have Jesus and the Holy Spirit to help me. Knowing that not all is lost and there's still redemption. Only through the power of the HS and through Him. And the role I have to play? To submit. To surrender. To ask. To let go. To let Him. Reminds me of one statement I read in Joyce Meyer's Battlefield of the mind: "Get to know the Holy Spirit. He is with you all the time as your Helper. Let Him help you." Indeed, my heart is not pure. My heart is deceitful. My heart is scheming and my heart is sinful. And I pray and ask for the Holy Spirit to help me live Godly life for Him. With all its selfish interests, motives and attitude, I pray that these be let go and given to God for Him to change me. Amen. --------------------------------- Saturday, July 25, 2009 @ 11:43 pm [better mentally]
Okay. Blogger does look weird now. Like what JX was saying on her blog. No wonder she can't upload pics! Haha. There's simply nothing to click on. Ha. Anyway, I think I had better post another entry here lest people think I'm still stress up and all. Well, I'm much better now. Thanks to all of your (friends) encouragements. I really felt your warmth and concern. Your advice and you being there really helped. Thanks lots man. Every bit counts. Special mention: Wanting, Peter, John, Andrew, Jonathan, Evelyn, Jason, Dennis...yar. If I've missed you out. Sorry! After going through that period of time, i really wonder what happened. How come I sank so deep and almost hit breaking point. I wonder. Hmm. But through it all, I learned that support from friends (esp Christian ones) are important. And that God is the one I can count on ultimately. And it's cos of this truth that I never really got upset with one of my closer friends when s/he didn't give me the support i needed that day and made me upset still. Oh well. A sign of growing up and learning? I wonder. Anyway, I thank God for this period of time. It's through trials that one learns and grows. I hope I learned and grew. But I fell sick! Yes. Literally ill and sick. quite a bad one. I got a sore throat before SMC but I still insisted on going to the camp. After that, I fell sick more when I had a headache (I hardly get it so it's really something when I do), and think I'd a fever and caught a flu at the end of the 2nd day. So I called mum and said that I may be going home. And I really needed to go home eventually. Couldn't risk sleeping in the air-con room and getting asthma and not enough rest. And wow. Mum sms and said that she'll come to the church to fetch me home! I was totally surprised! I really didn't expect it! I didn't expect dad to drive all the way to Bedok to fetch me! I tot it wld be late and all but I'm glad they came. This is the 2nd action that dad has touched me with. A silent act of his when he expresses his concern for me. And mum was asking me to take this and tat and chase me to slp too. Ha. Okay. So here I am now. I rested that night and slept all the way till noon! Never had such long slp before! But I still didn't feel better. Occasional fever but I still went for band prac with John. Ha. Well, I still can't believe what Andrew said came true! If only I'd spoken to him about this earlier then I'll get his reminder of it earlier! And perhaps, try to avoid this! Haha. But I had it coming. All the late-nights and waking up early. Sure fall sick wan. And this is the big kinda sickness. The terrible and bad one. The one that can make me bed-ridden for a few days. But quite sad there are obligations to fulfil. So I still have to go out for meetings and pracs etc. I just pray that I'll get well soon. Esp before the camps start! Right now, it's really on self-control. I really gotta control myself not to do it. It's been on my mind for several days now and everytime I just have to say no to myself as much as I want to say yes. I guess no is a better answer and would be what He wants. Perhaps, putting the whole thought out of my mind is the answer, the solution. Not to dwell on it. Just let it go... --------------------------------- Sunday, July 19, 2009 @ 1:11 am At one am plus and feeling so stress, please don't ask me why I'm blogging.
Haha. Just want to get things off my chest. If you're one of my closer frens and also been an avid fan of FB, then you'll know that I'm super stress up these days and hitting a break-down point soon. I'm super stress and tired. Mentally, physically and spiritually. What stresses me out? All the appointments, meet-ups and FOC preparations! Yes. The last one stress me out alot. Esp preparing for hall's Foc. I'm not complaining but that I didn't realise there's alot of work. Sigh. If only my leaders had told me the changes earlier. Then, I wouldn't need to do last min work and rush to meet my team before they are all unavailable. Meet-ups arrangements are also making me tired. I'm not tired or sad to meet up with my frens but that I have to rmb when I'm free, who I'm meeting, where and what time. All these all stored in my head and my HP (which is super cramped up). And so it gets very tiring. Suddenly, as the sch is about to begin, everyone seems to be meeting up and making use of whatever chance is left. Ha. And work hasn't been good. Boring, making feel like I really don't want to enter office. After each work day, I would feel very VERY drained. It just drains and saps all my energy. Totally. And I'm very tired. I still meet up after work and would put a font. I guess, it's because of this font that when I reach home, I'm totally beat :( Sigh. Not just the activities but also the spiritual side of things. There is pressure. I have my BSF HW that I haven't been touching this week and haven't been into the momentum yet. Plus, I want and have to prepare myself mentally and spiritually for my upcoming 2 crusade camps! To calm myself down and set my heart right before the SMC and to prepare my heart to lead and serve along with Jason during my Crusade FOC. Ahh. There are things to pray for and my heart to prepare! Oh God! Help me out of this! Not only this, but cos of my going-outs and eat outs outside, I've been spending little time with my family. I can be unavailable to talk to my sis for one whole day! And just today, my mum said that I'm not at home most of the time. wah. When I heard it, I was quite upset and hurt. Why does she say that? It's not like I really want to. Ahh. I really want to spend time with my family. I miss them. It's an obligation too. Sigh. So many things on my mind. I guess that's what making me stress. So many things to prepare, so many things to follow up on, so many things that need so much time. All I can do is to pray and ask God for strength and grace to go through the reamining days plus my 3 consecutive camps for the 3 consecutive weeks... --------------------------------- @ 1:05 am [giving]
Recently, over lunch at Sketches (great pasta place at Bugis!) with my department, Esther asked me, "So what have you been doing with your pay so far?" I paused. I thought. I cannot think much of what I did. Then, I pointed to my permed hair and explained that if it isn't for the $750, I would feel the pinch of forking out $140 for the hair. Hmm. But that's all I said. There was nothing else that I spend on for myself. I haven't shopped at GSS yet and dun think I'll be buying anything. I haven't been watching alot of movies except those good ones. And strangely, my accounts read that my spending was close to a third of my normal spending! Tat was pretty amazing and I really wonder why. Hmm. Then I started to reflect and think back. Where and what have I been doing with my money? Then, I realised that with the amount of income that I'm getting, significantly higher than my uni allowance, I have been more generous in giving. I give an offering to BSF though it's not exactly time yet. So it's an offering. And I gave a treat to one of my frens' meet up, buying present for my bro, one book, tithe more...Well, in sum, I feel like I now have the power to give more and give more generously and cheerfully. Whether it's to God or to my frens. And I thank God for such attitude. What are you doing with your money? --------------------------------- Tuesday, July 14, 2009 @ 1:16 pm [twenty]
After I perm my hair, I stared myself in the mirror one day and suddenly realised I'm TWENTY. Yes. 20. It suddenly hit on me that I've hit the 2, starting to get old, hitting the prime age and it also implies that I have to start taking care of myself. Mum always ask me to do this and that when I'm young so that when I hit the 20-somethings, I won't suffer. And now that I've sped past the 1s and hit the 20-somethings, I suddenly realise that what I didn't do then will start to have repercussions on me now. Ha. I've already begun to do my hair. Get a change, make-over and make myself look older. Something that I'd always wanted to do. Then I started noticing my face, eyebrows, nails, skin...there's so much more to do. Not that I wanna look young, youthful or the never-grow-old kinda mindset but that I need to take care of myself! I need to start taking care by using better beauty products, moisturers, take more notice, watch out for tell-tale signs...Hmm. Am I becoming vain? I hope not. It's just that, image matters now. So does health. And I'm TWENTY! I really gotta do something about it. Don't you think so? Else, life will speed past again and soon I'll hit thirty with wrinkled face, not so young look and a time of no-return. In my 20s, though it's neither too old nor too young, I hope to really do the things I can do and shld do--all the adventures, travels, mountain climbing, runnning a distance, touring...that's the adventure of a lifetime that one can keep and look back saying that I didn't waste the youth God gave me. The energy and the vigour... --------------------------------- Monday, July 13, 2009 @ 8:32 am [In the Palm of God's Hand]
He has yesterday's failures. He has today's challenges. He has tomorrow's surprises right there in His hands. And not one of them causes Him to gasp.~Charles R. Swindoll This really makes me feel comforted knowing that He has a plan for me and that my whole life--past, present and future is under His control. He was there yesterday, He is here today and He will be there tomorrow. Thank you God for being such an awesome and unfathomable God! --------------------------------- Saturday, July 11, 2009 @ 5:24 pm [new hairstyle]
Yay! I really did perm my hair yesterday!! =) Really looks nice and pretty! Quite like it. What I've always wanted to do! But cost me a bomb--$140! It'll last for about 3 months. Or at least I hope so! Cheers! Hope the make-over will be good!
 --------------------------------- Friday, July 10, 2009 @ 3:59 pm Going to the salon soon! And maybe, if the hairdresser says okay, then i'm going to perm my hair!! Ahh.. going to do curls! Haha. Exciting. Going to get a makeover! =))
--------------------------------- Thursday, July 09, 2009 @ 1:21 pm [ungraciousness]
Taking the bus and train for the past few months to and from work really irritates me. People are super ungracious and selfish. Today, there was this lady that don't know for what reason, squeeze past me and people just to stand in front of a seat. Wah. I'm super piss off. Why she does such a thing? Just because she recognises someone tat's going to get off then she purposely stand in front of the seat. Wah! Then it's so hard for that person to come out too lah! Totally, downright selfish!! And she's not the only one. There are other people too that totally irritates me! But today was very interesting. Just when I was about to get all grumpy, I saw the handsome young air force guy and my heart totally melted. Haha. The thoughts just calm down a little. I just started to put those thoughts aside. Ha. But yeah. He was sitting and he probably didn't notice me. But I do and it's strange how things in my mind came to a stop. Ha. I often wonder if I've seen him before in my JC times. Can't rmb but I know there's a handsome air force guy last time too. Haha. oh well. The perks of sitting on bus 985. Today, I saw him reading the same devotional book that I read too! I was so delighted to see him read it! Didn't know he's a christian. But it was cool. I wanted to tell him that I read the same book and to give me some encouragement but just a pity that I didn't get a chance to sit beside him. So perhaps next time or tomorrow! Then again, I hope it wun freak him out. And I wonder, sometimes, I can be quite daring, over-courageous and over-friendly to people. Imagine such a thought and action crossing your mind! Ha. Who would think so except for the super friendly people. Yet, this can sometimes work against me as seen in many points of my life. Oh well. But my thoughts and attitude to these ungracious and selfish people ought to take a better response not through looking at that handsome young chap but through the love of God. Give me strength and a heart. To love not only the needy but the ungracious. --------------------------------- Saturday, July 04, 2009 @ 10:48 pm [a good quote]
Good looks catch the eye, but a good personality catches the heart I pray and hope that one day, someday, I'll be captured by that good personality. Right now, the Perfect One catches and comforts me. Now and always. Thank you.
--------------------------------- Friday, July 03, 2009 @ 5:19 pm [a relaxed day]
Finally I've put up the pics of my sabah trip on my blog! It's beautiful. Brings back alot of memories. And all because I have alot of time today! Yay. Altogether, there are 67 photos! HAha. Today, my supervisor, Esther, isn't in and my boss, Willy, is on ICT! Woohoo. That makes me a free girl. Esther gave me some work to do and left it in my inbox and i completed it before lunch. Ha. So I was very free after that. Kept asking Andrew and Mai for work to do. Mai did give me something--editing grammar etc and I'm good at it. So at least there's something to do! =) Watched transformers last night with zhen leong and his childhood fren and her fiance. Happen to bump into the couple. Had a good chat over dinner and the movie was okay. Some flaws again but the show is not bad. The storyline gets more complicated but it doesn't deserve half-star. Seriously. All in all, it was a good night out. Chat, talking, show..just a day of relax. Yesterday was also course registration which is very bad. bleah. Don't want to elaborate. But it was nice meeting my friends! Especially seeing Jue Xuan's and Peter's smiling faces when I gave them the present. JX cannot choose between 2 pencil grips and Peter gave me the most unexpected response. He was speechless. Wow. I didn't know he would like that shell tortoise and be fascinated by it! Well, it sure is nice to see smiling faces on my frens' faces! And it's nice to see the rest of my grp too! Joke and laugh. And tease me. Haha. Hmm. Talking abt tease, why do I always get teased? Haha. Am I such an easy target? Lol. Andrew teases me at work like nothing. Haha. With the sharp tongue, he talks and teases non-stop man. I've never seen such an insistent guy who teases consistently! Total joker man! But he makes me laugh and smiles all the time. Haha. Really have been so long since someone made me smile and laugh so much. Andrew's actions remind me of Alvin that I met from JTC. He also jokes alot and lames alot. And really likes to joke with me last time. Ahh. I miss those times man. Actually, I miss my JTC days alot..the gang that we have. Sigh. I've been thinking about them every so often. And sometimes it makes me laugh and sometimes it makes me sad. I really wonder: Sometimes, it is better to forget memories. Even good ones. Then perhaps, you won't feel so sad and disappointed if you recall them. Oh well. Some food for thought. --------------------------------- |
