|
Sunday, February 28, 2010 @ 12:24 am [the answer]
Hmm. Well, I got the answer to my previous post during my QT today. And I'm really glad and thankful to God and the Holy Spirit :) Once again, I've proved that keeping a journal and writing your spiritual journey down on a notebook helps! I got the answer while writing my thoughts on it! :) Thank you Holy Spirit that inspires me! And who else do I have to thank? Wanting, John, Wee Siang, Yichen, Jue Xuan and the others who have contributed to buying that lovely, pretty thick book for my 20th birthday! =) It's on this book that I write and received my answer. As I was pondering while writing, I suddenly had a thought of motive and desire. That was my answer. I knew it was one of the answer. I was brought to think about whether my heart's desire and my motive is to please God and to seek His Kingdom. If I do, naturally, I would involve God in my thoughts and plans. It is whether I want to have Him in my life and how much I desire to please Him with my lifestyle, choices and the things I say & do. And that brought me to really think. To think about how much I really cared about what God cares. It's a mindset change. And I really have to change. I need to change. And I must put in that element of "want" to change too. Yeah. I definitely don't wanna fall back on my faith. Don't fall back now. Keep going and keep your focus on Him and not self! On another note, it's surprising that my recess week is quite clean. Quite unlike me and quite unlike the usual recess week. I would often arrange this and that to meet people, go out, hang out, date ppl out. I guess the focus is more on studies. And let's keep it simple and minimal, shall I? :) let's see where my urges will take me. But I do hope that I'll get the break I need to carry on for the remaining 7-8 weeks! Oh yes! 530th post! =) --------------------------------- Saturday, February 27, 2010 @ 4:35 pm [saturday]
Hmm. Almost two-third of the day has passed and I'm awfully proud of myself! Haven't started on work yet but I had a good lunch with my sister and went to clean my table too! Get rid of the dusts and cleaned my dusty cd cases! Really glad! And I also did some sewing of my the buttons on my new blouse! Really proud of myself man! A house-girl. Lol. Anyway, been driving up and down a while. It's really scary when you don't put coupon and try to buy something. I was really afraid I'll kena a summon cos it's a saturday and it's at around 2pm plus. So it's really likely that the officer is going around checking the cars. Hmm. Maybe next time I shld just put 1 coupon then can spend some time shopping! Looking at clothes that are 50% off! =) Heee.. On another note, I think I must really learn submission. There's been alot of things that I've been doing on my own, planning on my own that I hardly involve God in it. I plan for this and that. Start thinking about this and that. But really, how much of God do I put in? I think the obstacle is how do I do so. What does it mean to pray about it and to have God in my plannings. I guess these are questions that I must answer in order not to be scolded "you fool". --------------------------------- @ 12:22 am [recess week]
Yes. It's the start of recess week on Friday. But Friday didn't end too well academically. It was a bad. I had a really bad test at intro to manu. I really studied. At least put in more effort than I would. I took time to memorise and rmb the diagrams. But not the GRAPHS!! And so many graphs came out! It took me alot of pains to use photographic memory to write them down. And in the end, I recalled the wrong graphs and so my answers were wrong! Ahh. It's really sad. I was really sad. Then the mechanics paper was another killer. I really died in that one. As much as I like calculations, I really can't do many questions! Out of 10, I can probably do 3-4 with confidence! It's really horrible. So bad that towards the last 3 minutes, I had to randomly circle my answer because I simply couldn't do it! Ahh. This is bad. I'm really afraid I'll fail my modules. The MS2008 one was like that too. On monday. And now these other 2 core modules. I'm really scared. Very scared that I'll fail to pass the modules, have to re-take them and affect my GIP trip to China :( And Kok Siong just reminded me that some Year 3 modules might have pre-requistes. So I gotta be careful. Ahh! But that aside, I really want to do well this semester. I really want to do better. I have high aims and hopes. I really want to do it. Well, these tests serve as a wake-up call. All hope is not lost, Sharon. There is still time. Like this recess week! Much can be accomplished as long as you set your heart to do it, put in more effort and consistent one too. You can do it, Sharon! Trust and hope! =) Yeah. That is how my day will end today. I WILL hope in God and press on! Cos of this setbacks, I cannot allow it to snowball. I just gotta work harder for my other CAs and the final paper. Got to do! So this recess week, funny as it seems, I will study! Will do up a little more personal work! But to start fo this recess week, I went shopping today! Yays! Bought 3 belts and 1 blouse (at half-price!). Hope they turn out good! And I hand-wash clothes at night too! Haha. Back-breaking but nice :) Oh well. Okay. I think that's all. It's late now. Goodnight! And good morning to a new tomorrow and a great recess week! =) --------------------------------- Wednesday, February 24, 2010 @ 10:48 pm [left behind]
I saw this picture today on bus 199. It's pasted at the back of the seat and it's actually part of an advertisement for recruiting teachers. I found this especially meaningful if you take it out of context into Christianity. Child evangelism. That's what struck me. It reminds me of Uncle Joseph who has such passion for the children ministry in church. He and the fellow co-workers all believe that even a child as young as 7 years old can understand the gospel and choose to follow Jesus. And when they do so, that child is not left behind when Judgement Day comes. I believe this an encouragement to them and also to each of us. A reminder that no matter how young the kid is, do not leave them behind. Each one matters. Each one matters to God :) [choir] On another note, I am so totally drained of energy after choir lesson!! I wish I didn't take this module although it's non-examinable and to my advantage. But it's so stressful and tiring! And songs get stuck in my head!! Argh!! Well, 2 tests on Friday! I wonder how revision will go. I hope I'll be able to finish revising in time though I'm only at 1st lecture of Intro to manu module. And I haven't started revision on the other module! Ahh. Maybe I should go home to study after the Industrial visit. Hmm. Maybe I should... --------------------------------- @ 1:13 am [GIP]
Ahh..I'm finally done with the 100-word essay!! Haha. Finally. Started from 11pm till now. And really thank Albert and Wanting for helping me check through! And your insights and inputs! I really used them! This scholarship thing isn't for financial needy students! That means I stand a chance! $100/week. I figured that it'll be enough for me even if the company doesn't pay me. It's enough for my basic expenses (I suppose). Hehe. But of course, not enough for travelling. Oh well. Better to get $2200 than nothing at all! I hope I get it!!! With that, I would like to formerly announce that I will be going GIP (work and study) in Semester 1 (July to December 2010). Decided to trust God with the issues and fears that I am facing and that is holding me back. I believe that is what He has been telling me these days. I did pray about it. Spent 1 hour at night to pray and seek an answer from Him. Wrote down all that I've been reading and what I've been talking to Him about for the past few days. And I wanna thank God for His Word that speaks and Christian brothers and sisters who have helped me along the way! Thank you so so much! =) Well, so here I come China! Jitters, no doubt. I pray that God will settle things for me too. And let's see if He opens this door to me too--a company placement, accomodation, air ticket, visa. Anything can happen. Things aren't guaranteed smooth. And who can stop God if He doesn't want me to go? Yeah. I can only pray that I didn't discern wrongly then. Anyway, now, I gotta be confident of my decision! And start informing the important and relevant people! Okay. On another note, I watched Little Big Soldier today! Nice. Learned something. And noticed that phoneix is quite highly respected and mentioned. I just wonder what are the 2 chinese characters written on the back of the map. Can't read the traditional chinese characters. I watched this movie alone too at west mall. My 3rd movie alone. Quite nice actually. Now, I'm smarter, choose the aisle seats so not so paiseh. Haha. And to my surprise, there are quite a number of people watching alone too! I think the number of people watching alone is more than the number of people watching in pairs/groups! Lol. And there was this guy sitting at the row behind me who is watching alone too. I think he was looking at me before and after the movie. Hee. At that time, I really felt like sitting beside him, make new friends and just have him for company while watching the movie. But I told myself not to do anything stupid or silly. Haha. So just watch it. Not too bad lah. At least when I laugh, everyone else were laughing out loud too. Including him. Haha. Okay. Overall, I'm glad to be entertained and satisfied. Been having this craving for too long now. Making me restless. So now, I'll be more settled to study for my 2 tests on FRIDAY!!! Go Go Go! --------------------------------- Wednesday, February 17, 2010 @ 12:48 am [cny]
This year's CNY is indeed different for me. For the first time, the holidays are long, I see Singapore being quiet and I get to spend most of the cny here in Spore! =) Usually, my family and I will go up to msia for a super long period of time, often until the end of hols. But this time round, we came back on the first day of cny. Headed to the coffee shop near our place to get some dinner when we came back. And we found almost all the coffeeshops closed and it was really quite a sight! At 8pm plus, it was quiet and silent and a rare sight to see. I've never seen a quiet place. And mind you, that coffeeshop place is where I grew up. So it's significant when such a change happens :) Settled for macs eventually. My trip back to msia was okay. The usual. Glad to see my grandma again. And my cousin's stylish house. That's the only highlight. If you ask me if I had a good time of catch-up and chat with my cousins, I wouldn't say yes. All along, it's always been awkward. It's been quiet and I really am shy and scared. I don't know how to start conversations with people who are older than me. And they are really older than me--working kinda age. I'm considered one of the younger few there. To add on, me staying in spore doesn't help much in opening topics esp when it concerns msia news. So I can't talk much. Sigh. It's really a sad case. That's why everytime we go back to msia, I'm quiet and bored. There's really nothing to do there. Cannot go shopping, cannot watch movie and all the shopping centers are so inaccessible! I don't know how to take public transport! And it's really tough attempting to take one. Even driving around can cause us to get lost! Haha. But my dad's clever! His instincts are sharp! I hope I inherit his too! =) Oh well. But I'm glad that this visit opened up a topic for me to discuss with my cousin over fb chat. Got a bit of his advice and really grateful for him listening to me and what I have to say, however honest it was. Yeah. And thank God for technology like this! Allows me to connect with my cousins and share courteous greetings. However polite it is, it is still a greeting that helps bridge the gap a little :) Okay. So in Singapore, I headed to Bugis Junction on Monday. To kinda celebrate Conray's bday and have a little gathering among the 3 of us--zg, myself and conray. It was fun and nice to be able to catch up. And for the first time, bugis junction is awfully quiet too! Never seen this before! After that, I went to meet up with Yam Wenn and went to Bugis Village for the first time! I've never been there too! Bought a beautiful dress for myself and another dress for my sis to wear to work (though it was a bit big for her). But it was good buy! And only 1/3 of the shops were opened. Still, I'm sure going back there again! I bet it'll be crowded but I love the crowd! =) I don't mind squeezing past ppl and watching theri faces and mannerisms. That whole Bugis Village reminds me of Taiwan! Fun! =) Today, I went over to Wanting's house. Enjoyed that visit as I get to see her family again. And my friends too! Been quite a while since I last saw them! There, they also planned a Cambodia trip that I don't think I'll go. Honestly, it's quite sad that I'll miss out on this chance. This 1st overseas trip together. But I've decided not to succumb to peer pressure. Though I will miss out on this chance to really bond with them, play together, have fun together, iron things out together, but I don't think I'll pay such a price just to be with them. Not that their presence is insignificant, but that I can bond and spend time with them in other ways and using that same amount of money in things that I will also enjoy. Seriously, Cambodia isn't a place I would go for leisure. If ever I should go there, it would only be for mission trip. That is the need that I'm willing to fulfil. It is where I'm willing to be a good steward of my money and spend it there. Oh well. I guess I'll just have to forfeit this chance and just bid them farewell. Hope their planning will go smooth and that they'll enjoy themselves. Most importantly, that Wanting will be able to find another female companion so that she won't be alone and in an awkward position! Hmm. I gotta decide whether to go to China this July by 24 Feburary! Next Wed!!! That is super soon! Way way sooooo soon!! I really am still confused. I really don't know what to do!!! I haven't decided and can't decide yet! Perhaps, I should list my pros and cons. I guessed I've listened to enough opinions already. I should start thinking about what I really want! And most importantly, to talk to my only push factor--Owen. Gotta talk to him, tell him how I really feel and see if we can work things out together. Mm. Hope I'll be able to find that chance to talk to him! Recently, I've been thinking alot about this guy I've mentioned previously. And the more I think, the more I feel uneasy about it. It just seems so weird and odd. He's so much way older than me. That's one thing clear. I really don't know what to do for that either. I know that things should be slow but somehow, with the initiatives that he takes, I kind of have to second guess what he's trying to aim at. I've postponed things. Using something of my daily life's activities as a reasoning. But I wonder how long this can hold. I wonder where I should go. Man. This sure is tricky!! :S Oh well. Okay. That aside, this cny is really slack for me. I really and thoroughly enjoyed myself! So shiok! Watch tv, didn't do much work and just spend time with friends and family. I enjoy it! Really different from my daily life. But I sure hope that my work doesn't snowball. Esp my lectures :S I have lots more to cover!! Thank God that I'm recovering fast but I'm still slping late. Hopefully it doesn't summon another bout of serious illness! --------------------------------- Friday, February 12, 2010 @ 11:59 pm [witness]
Today, on the way to msia, I witness 2 scenes of death. One was really a human death. There was an army truck that overturn. It was really scary. It overturned on the other side of the road. My car was on the far right lane and I was seated on the far right seat. Being kaypo, I looked through my window and I saw a man trapped underneath the truck. His eyes were opened and his arm outstretched. I don't know if he's dead or alive but I sure wish he's alive. And just awaiting help. There wasn't much equipment available then. It's just an ambulance and a police car. But it did bring to my mind several thoughts. It makes me feel that life is really unpredictable. You never know when things might occur and it's irregardless of occassion. And that scene was really tragic. And it makes me feel sad more so when the person leaves without having a real relationship with God. I guess this reminds me that I must be active in sharing the gospel in any and every way. And it also tells me that every life is valuable in God's sight. I must play my part. I pray for courage, then. Courage to face this reality. Another death that I saw was a whole grassland of trees being cut. It was totally wiped out with the tree barks and shavings on the ground. It really makes me sad to see such a sight. No idea why they did that but it's deforestation. And that makes me sad. It's a death, all right. Just in another form. Okay. Enough of the sad things. Well, now I'm in msia. In KL. Glad to have seen my cousin and my cousin-in-law. And the to-be-born baby boy! =) Well, now having the whole of ah-yi's house to ourselves. Miss my cousin, Paul, lots. And I hope tomorrow or Sunday, I'll get to drive the manual car round the carpark! yay! Been waiting for this chance for a looong time! Hopefully I'll rmb what to do and how to press my pedals! Haha. If I spoil the car, then I think I'll kena scolded my cousin :P Well, I really wonder if I should be happy that I'm here in msia. On one hand, I'm glad that I came else ah-ma will really be alone during this cny eve. No one is bringing her out for reunion dinner. Only our family. Don't know why all my aunts and uncles CMI suddenly and together this year :( Being here also puts me in a more relaxed mood and gives me a break from everything else. But I know that I've lots to do. If I'm back in Singapore, I would concentrate better on doing what needs to be done. I have 6 online lectures to watch! And 2-3 lecture notes to read up for working in 21st century elective, an assignment to get started on and so much more....I really wonder if coming here is a good thing. Somehow, deep inside me, I wish I'm back in Singapore. So I can do up my work and study. Haha. I know. Sounds like I'm a workaholic. But there are things to be done. Just gotta do it! Regardless, I'm here. And I hope I won't slack too much! I brought my stuffs to do! I'd better do them!! --------------------------------- @ 12:40 am [time]
FIVE HUNDRED TWENTY FIVE THOUSANDS SIX HUNDREND MINUTES Yet, how many of these minutes do you spend with God? In communication with Him? In absorbing His Word? In prayer? In just being with Him and listening to Him? I think that's something for us to think about. How many minutes in a year do you spend with your Father? Talking about time, recently, I started thinking about what is my favourite time in a day. And I came out with 3 conclusion: Shower time, every morning when I wake up (especially when it's bright and shining day) and Quiet Time spent with God :) SHOWER TIME! Somehow I like it when the warm water rushes down. And I simply think of nothing except recalling incidents and conversations after conversations. It's nice to just escape the hussle of life and just be there in quietness. I guess that's why my shower time is always relatively long and the mirror is always steamed up. Haha. BRIGHT AND SHINNING MORNING! I especially love it when I wake up to a blue sky and birds chirping. It's a simply wonderful "good morning" from God! And I would always end up breathless except for 3 words "thank you God". And I smile. It totally brightens up my day. Thank you God! =) QT! Lastly, of course, cannot forget the quiet time spent with God. It's especially meaningful when I spent quality time with Him. When I really go downstairs in the evening, watching the beautiful sunset, writing on my diary and reading His Word. That is my favourite time =) What's yours? --------------------------------- Tuesday, February 09, 2010 @ 11:55 pm [V-day blues]
I know this title sounds really weird. Often, V-day is characterized as "pink" but I said "blue". With an "s" behind. Well, it seemed like I never could escape the blues each time V-day is round the corner. I am always reminded of the love stories I had. And I often see all the pretty cards and the flowers being sold..how I wish I could share that with someone special. Well, was looking at the pop-out cards with Wee Siang the other day and telling him to buy a particular sweet-looking card for his gf. On one hand, I was a bit jealous while on the other hand, I'm happy for her. Cos I think it's a very nice gesture of wee siang and it'll make her happy. Oh well. I really wonder when someone special can make me happy and loved. Oh well. Till then, I guess I'll just hang around here and wait :) Today, I read a passage in Ex where the Israelites were grumbling. Not the 1st time reading it and the insights from BSF are still fresh in my mind. Well, I learned from there that the Israelites are grumbling and it displeases God cos they don't have faith in Him that He will provide for them in the Promised Land. This reminded me too that God is Jehovah Jireh, the God who provides. And in this struggle I'm facing, God will provide for me! I must trust and have faith in Him. And wonderfully enough, after reading and praying, I opened my NTU email to see if the person I'm liasing with has responded to my request for a compromise of time. You see, this thu, there's a special event that my cca is having and they needed the room as early as 4pm. However, CAC booked it till 5pm. So I decided to email the person-in-charge to negotiate. I was actually very scared to open my email account. I really feared that it's a rejection letter. But, the person agreed and even gave me an earlier timing than 4pm! Praise the Lord! It's really an answered prayer and a clear providence from Him! =) It makes alot of difference to me, who's the booking rep and holding the responsibility. And I really see God's wonderful hand at work here! Thank you Father! For only You can provide so! =) Indeed, though booking rep can seem tedious, but I really enjoyed it and I really learned alot through this term in office. Especially about God's providence! =) And the encouragement, esp from Alex regarding the up-coming event. Thank you, Lord, for blessing me with wonderful brothers & sisters, the opportunity to serve you and see your hand at work! =) --------------------------------- Wednesday, February 03, 2010 @ 1:02 am [glad and disappointed]
Addiction. Oh man. I'm addicted to an online game. I'm so going to kick it off! Just told myself that just now is the last time I'm going to play it! Not even going to give myself an excuse saying that I can take a break playing that game. Cos once I start, I never seem to stop. Though I may not have urgent things to do at hand, I still have important things to complete. So I really gotta STOP! playing the game. Taking up too much of my time, spoiling my eyes and causes me to slp even later! Bleah! I really gotta get out it! I WILL get out of it! Haha. NO MORE! I think I need a substitute. Besides reading the Bible, I think I can also blog! Blog here online will take away the boredom and give me the same thrill. Or perhaps reading articles; philosophical articles. Or simply, GO DO THE THINGS THAT NEED TO BE DONE! Well, today some ppl ask me while I dress so nice. Well, it's just something different yet common if you look around at all the girls. It's for no special occasion actually. Yichen thinks I have a bf already. And Chin Wee asked if "love is in the air". Haha. I just laughed it off and say no. Well, it would really be wonderful if I dressed as such cos of the reasons my friends stated. It would be nice, wouldn't it? I guess I still can't escape the V-day blues whenever 14 Feb is round the corner :( Boo..haha. Oh well. Just waiting for that day man.. Today I heard that my cousin is carrying a baby boy! Woohoo! That is way cool! I'm happy for her! Really. A mother. Wow. That's nice! A new chapter in her life! Awesome, challenging yet wonderful stage! I wonder when will it be my turn...I really wonder...come on. Let love shine on me k? Well, actually, I never fail to have love shine on me. It's none other than from God Himself. And He especially shows His love to me with His wonderful creation--the moon. Whether it's full moon, crescent, half..it holds a special meaning in my heart and I will remember it always! =) Thank you God! Bought a dress for sister today. Since she's working at Raffles Place, figured out that she needs more formal clothes. She doesn't even have one on her own..wearing mine and mum's now. So bought her a dress at school. Was selling it cheap. I hope it fits her well and that it isn't too short! =) Hope she likes it and appreciates my goodwill too! And she's sooo lucky to get such a high-paying job! I'm sooo jealous! I'm so going to make her treat me ice-cream! Hope she'll treat me more things too! Haha. Since she's working and I'm not. Lol. And she ate at Amoy Street too! That's near my BSF place! Sure can't wait till she spots that church. Then nxt time if she goes to BSF, she'll be clearer. Okay. I guessed I've said enough. I'm both glad and disappointed now. Glad that I finally finished my lab report (in the nick of time), finished my day's activities, he added me on fb and me being reminded of God's love. And disappointed cos yet once again, I failed to keep to my promise despite the Holy Spirit's nudgings and ended up staying up till this late. Sigh. So disappointed in myself. Buck up Sharon. You are made for greater and better things than this! Well, now I'm accountable to you, my readers, and this blog. So I'm going to kick off that addiction! --------------------------------- Monday, February 01, 2010 @ 2:39 am [reality]
It didn't dawn on me even when I saw her at the airport. It didn't hit me at all. Only until I was in the car at westmall and then, I suddenly knew that I'm not going to meet her at BK anymore for the next 6 months. And a wave of reality hit me. It was then that I felt sad and a feeling of "I miss you" kick in. It dawned on me, alright, but only much later. It had never occured to me that it was going to be like that. It never hit me that I'm going to miss her and all the meet-ups we had and all the Bible study sessions and chats and jokes and discussion and proving-our-point. 6 months. That's long. And in this 6 months, I wonder what is going to happen. I wonder how things are going to be like. I wonder if we'll still keep in contact. I wonder how her spiritual life will be. I wonder... And the biggest wonder I have is whether she'll still remember how to go to BK in westmall and meet me there. I really feel sad that this day has come and it's going to be so for the nxt few months. Sigh. Reality check. Somehow, reality always hits me late. It's only when I'm all alone, not having anything important or urgent on my mind, then suddenly a wave of emotion that accompanies the reality floods in. I wonder why I'm so slow. Haha. Well, at least, I know this is reality. Whether I like it or not, I just have to accept it. Accept it. --------------------------------- |
.jpg)