Often, when I'm stressed up over studying, I always wish for 2 things: 1) Companionship 2) Days of old

Companionship. I start to wish that I have a bf already. Someone I can talk to when I'm stressed out, to just pour out my feelings and thoughts. And to hear words of comfort. To know that someone else is also there, staying up with me late into the night and cheering me on. And subsequently, I'll start to think of all my girl friends who have bfs already. Boy! I sure think that they are very lucky! I wish mine will come soon too. I wish for companionship. A human companionship.

Days of old. I really wish I can go back to the past--the primary school and secondary school days. Sorry, had to minus the JC days cos it was very stressful too. I wanna go back to those pri & sec sch days when I don't have much stress. When everything was systematic and rigid and routine. There isn't much worry. The only battle was my growing character and my weaknesses. Not a race again time or memory or the cohort. Everything then was really hard work/effort = results. But not so in uni. And it gets so tough. It gets so scary. Sigh. I want the days of old. I want that kinda life. I wish for time to turn back...

[Birthday]

On another note, my 21st birthday is coming! In about 3-4 weeks time! Boy! It sure is exciting! Birthdays are always a big thing to me, quite a contary to the perception of most people. I see birthdays as a time of celebration, a time of joy, a time of happiness, a time that is special and unique to me, a time to catch up with people, a time to smile and just be myself cos I'm the princess on that day! It's also a time for me to be grateful and thankful to God for sustaining me through that XX number of years.

So birthdays are a big thing to me. They are special. So every year, on my birthday, it's packed back-to-back with meet-ups with people. From breakfast to lunch to tea to dinner and to supper. Yes. All 3 + 2 meals!

Well, this year, coupling with the fact that I'm 21 years old, I suddenly feel a sense of disappointment and sadness about this. Cos I won't be able to celebrate this actual day with my best friends at this phrase of my life--my uni friends. All are mugging, all are studying and all just seems unwilling to come out with me. I did ask, I did hint, I did suggest, but it just failed. I got bombarded with responses like, "celebrate after exams lah", "what's the hurry?", "got long holiday mah".

You never know but these words pierce me. Yet, I quietly took them in, knowing that nothing I say can make you change my mind. And that I shouldn't use anything--my sphere of influence & our friendship--to risk your revision and cheer along with me on my birthday. I shouldn't and I wouldn't. There's a free choice. And I'm clearly aware of the situation you are in. But still, it hurts not to spend a portion of that day with you.

Well, I can only just pray and wish and hope that my sphere of influence will work on others who are not studying or whose exams are over by then. And I hope that that day will be something meaningful and special. And I hope it'll be something that's bustling with activities, fun, laughter and surprises!