As I was talking to some expats from Singapore that came over to Shanghai for 5 over years, I often ask if they would return for good. Most of the answers I got were no and the reasons were varied. One of them struck me deep and makes me think.

"I feel closer to God when I'm overseas. When I'm overseas, it pushes me to make stay close to God. I have no one else to turn to, only God to rely on. So I'm more reliant on Him. Besides, with a family and all, it makes me draw closer to Him."

When I heard it, I was wow. That is so different from the experience that I've received here. Very different. This friend of my mine drew closer, Shuhui drew closer too when she was in Germany. But for me? Instead of drawing closer, I must admit that I'm drawing further. Why? Why so different? Why like that?

My upbringing? The way that I've always been in a protected area and sheltered and so when there's something different, it's a wow-good experience for me? It makes me too excited that I began to forget about God? Or is it because that I've always been in such a Christian-ly environment that when I'm out of it, it becomes a novelty? I wonder.

Still, I must also say that it isn't all that distant throughout this whole period of time. There was indeed a period of time when I was literally thirsty and dying to spend time with Him, to go to church and to draw close to Him. That one, I felt it strong. However, if you want me to give you a big picture of my spiritual journey, I am sorry and disappointed to say that it has been far, not near :(