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Monday, March 21, 2011 @ 1:59 am [cards]
I always keep the cards and notes that people give to me. Paste them all in a scrapbook and read them from time to time. It's now my 2nd book already. And it always brings me so much smiles to see, read and feel the love that people around me give to me. I was just adding one more card to the book and so decided to see the recent few cards. I realised that they were cards written to me before I left for Shanghai. Words that encourage me to trust in God, to rely on His faithfulness, and encouraging me that I would be a blessing in Shanghai and to be a blessing to others. And how the butterflies in my stomach (which were literally there on the day I flew) would transform into beautiful experiences (quoted exactly from one of the cards). One of the points that keep resounding through all these cards is to ask me to trust in God, lean on Him and follow His ways. I really start to think: if I had really follow His ways and trust in God, I wouldn't be in such an emotional tangle. I guess. While I am trying to untangle myself now, which is making good progress, I still feel that a part of it remains. It still does. And I don't really know how to face it anymore. I did my part. I'll just see what other effort is there for me to put in and what God would do. Sigh. If only I had read these cards over and over again, keeping them in mind, and focusing on God throughout the time in Shanghai, perhaps, spiritually, I won't be so down and I would be much stronger. And perhaps, I won't step out of the line God lays down personally for me. Oh well. These are just looking-backs. I guess it's time to move forward. With these love and encouragement, I pray I can pick myself up. For my brother and sister, I pray I can pick myself up. For God, I pray I can pick myself up. --------------------------------- Friday, March 11, 2011 @ 12:22 am [unclean lips yet made clean]
Today's worship at xroads was a time of lifting up ourselves in worship to Him. It totally brought me to my knees and a reminder that it is a privilege. That, I, with unclean lips and sinful heart, really don't deserve to be in God's presence but cos of the sprinkling of blood, it clothed us and covers us such that our prayers are heard. Such that we can communicate with Him. Such that we have a relationship with Him. How awesome. Today's xroads talked about justification. And our only justification is in Christ. And all because of the sharing of blood again and the obedience of Christ. This highlighted again just how much the cross means to me. The study of Isaiah was good. Especially Isa 6:5. There was a one-whole-day question on just that verse. Caused me to pause and really look deep at what Isaiah was saying, what he meant, what he saw and what he felt. And I can feel it. Today, I had a glimpse of it. Indeed, I am so sinful, I have unclean lips, I have an impure heart. Yet, God loves me still the same and provided the way out for me. Yet, I am loved and am heard. Yet, I am where I am today because of Jesus' great love and the way for me. Thank you And thank God for BSF! =)) and of course crusade! --------------------------------- Sunday, March 06, 2011 @ 11:00 pm [holiday]
Was talking to Geok Lan just now and telling her that "a break ought to be a break". I was referring to my upcoming recess week where I'll spend 7 days and 6 nights in Malaysia. Out of which, 2 days and 1 night will be spent climbing a mountain. The rest of the time will be spending time with my cousins and relatives and Malaysia--shopping, eating and all. Sounds really relaxing uh? To take a break, do things that I like and to read a book. I think it's good to read a book, a Christian Literature (especially since I have many books waiting for me at home)! Yet, there is this nudging feeling inside of me that makes me think I'll lose out to my friends. Afterall, people's recess week is spent in Singapore and that means they have the notes accessible to them. Then they'll study and revise and do everything that studies require of them. Will I lose out then? It certainly makes me think that I'll lose out. When I don't have my notes with me or bring only a limited number of notes (surely you don't expect me to bring 1kg worth of notes to Msia or the 4 files that I have). Also, I tend not to have the discipline to study when I'm overseas. Making it even harder, uh? Well, thankfully, I don't have any tests due the week after the break. Really thank God else I would definitely resent the trip. And, I've caught up with all my e-lectures except for 1 lecture from last week and 2 lectures of a module (which I've already intended to watch it much later for fluency of lessons). I'm sure I'm able to complete this 1 lecture and the upcoming ones from this week before I fly off. So, that would leave me pretty free for the recess week. I know that not many really get to enjoy this. But hmm. I wonder if I should bring more notes than I should or spend more time at studies while I'm in Msia. Or simply enjoy God's presence, this break and the book that He had inspired people to write. Actually, I'm not really hard-pressed for the first half of this sem. Somehow. I guess it's because I have no more electives to take and that I have a 3-day week. So I'm really pretty relaxed and not too suffocated (except for the projects). Hmm. So is this break necessary for me? Gees. Still, a concluding thought: I wish there is no such thing as "competition" among friends. --------------------------------- Tuesday, March 01, 2011 @ 12:47 am [shanghai]
I do appreciate it whenever I get emails and news from my friends in Shanghai. Charles, Adele, Peng Fei and Chen Chuan. But everytime I hear something from them, all the memories start flooding in. I remember the laughters and the fun I had with each of them individually. Then I start to think about the city itself. Then I start to think...boy...I feel like going back! But I really am torn in between. I remember leaving Shanghai, telling myself that I don't think I would want to come back for long-term or to relocate there. Life's too hard and too different. It's too much changes and it's something I don't like. Yet, still, I won't deny the happy memories that it has given me, the good things that are there, the cheap items that I can buy and the familarity I already have with the way of life, transport and city. Sigh. Sometimes, it's hard to reply my friends' emails. Just gotta set my heart down and see them as friends. Not as friends only of Shanghai. And wherever God wants to move me, I have to trust eh? :) On a side note, saw this msg on my friend's fb status: Saying goodnight isn’t a formality. It’s the art of saying that I remember you in “my last minute of the day" And that's very true of me! Of what I mean when I say goodnight. So goodnight you! --------------------------------- |