Hey Blog! I noe i haven't blog long here. been getting distracted wid MSN n tokin to ppl so often i dun find time to blog here.

Today was the first lesson i had wid the JPTN youths. din teach but jus reflect on wad we had learnt, achieved n our relationship wid the Lord in 2005. when it was Joshua's turn to sepak, he said, "I had learnt tat i'm one yr older, achieved one yr of...(I forgot wad) and my relationship is one yr...(I forgot wad again)" but it had brought all of us to laughter. the usual him. den when he became serious n tell us abt his relationship wid the Lord, he said it's lyk a submarine. all of us became silent n stared at each other wid puzzled faces. haha. den nicholas started talking n acting out wad it means when by "submarine". it actually means the relationship is goin down...so profound! haha. metaphoric.

oh! Uncle Clarence also shared today. he said tat last time when he was studyin in the uni, he did quite badly in year 1/2 arnd there. when he realised it, he poured out his heart to God n commit the studies into His hands n ask for his help n strength. n when aunty geak hong looked at a book, she can't understand the fundamental principle etc but when uncle clarence looked at it, he can gain insight frm it. by God's grace. n he got First Class Honours. he told us tat when the results came out n they put in on the notice board, he looked frm the bottom up whereas aunty geak hong looked frm the top down. at the bottom is usually the names of those ppl who fail-third class honours-second class lower-second class upper-first class honours etc. haha. it was a nice testimony all in all. teach us n serve as a reminder to trust in God n depend on Him.

N Nathanel came back frm OBS (Mobile) wid bad peeling of his face. it's pretty bad. it shocked me alot. i din noe the face can peel. his arms are red but not peeling (yet). quite surprising! n sarah entered youth today! they had a party for them. all the food again. i went in there aft my JPTN to eat sum too :P n they played games etc. one of the forfeit is to pass a potato chip frm mouth to mouht. wid the potato chip clenched between their teeth. heard tat when Lydia had to pass to Gabriel, she can't stop laughing whenever she looked at Gabriel. haha. n Jessie put on braces. i'm surprised!

Jus heard news frm Jeremy. finally he replied. glad he took time off to type an email to me =) He told me he can take A level Maths this yr's summer! surprised!!

Thinking abt the collection of O Level cert, it reminds me of one prob. wad do i do when i meet my "him"? Do I greet "him"? wid a smile? should i even tok to "him"? cos it feels rather awkward u know. i feel tat jus looking at "him" frm a far distance may bring back all those memories tat have become painful n i'm not sure if "he" wanna see n tok to me. sigh. my other fren tell me to be myself. but i'm afraid i dunno which is myself at that point in time where i have to make a decision between toking to "him" or not. i dunno wad is the real me. sometimes, at nite n it's time for me to reflect/able to spend sum moments wid the lord, i feel very remorse. cos i hurt a heart... i think it hurts God's heart more. lyk seeing one of his children hurting another of his children's heart. i wish i can go back in time n stop myself frm doing it. it's upsetting...

n regarding my prev post, i'm glad one of my frens gave me advice n helped me alot too. my fren told me to tok less abt personal stuff. n wait till i've built a strong frenship den start tokin abt it. cos eventually, a fren is sumone who is there to help encourage us rite? n perhaps tat fren of mine's advice is to tell me not to rush into things. hmm. i quite agree la. i guess i muz learn patience thru this. Lord help me.

Finally, CCA. I'm still puzzled. i still dunno wad i shld take up. i think i'm givin up on touch rugby. tot tat either fitness club or entrepreneur club would be nice. met Jing Jing n Hui Hui at IMM today. ask many many qns esp abt CCA n if i shld stay. their advice? not to stay. sigh. really dunno wad to do... hmm.. so many decisions. Lord, pls tell me. n pls tell me if u want me to go SFC. Saints For Christ.

tat reminds me! recently, i learnt to trust God in this issue. the Live audition band thing tat SFC organised. they are recruiting players, keyboardist, guitarists, drumers n worship leaders. naturally, i'll want to be a part of it! To use the talent n passion tat God has given me to play in the band! u noe, not being in a mission sch for 4 years, it jus makes me so at home to be in it again now. so i really wanna wanna be part of the band. but i've come to realised tat Josiah n a few others (I suppose) are also goin for the audition. then, the whole struggle begins. i told myself i'd to learn to trust in God. I then went thru several days of commiting n telling Him abt this whole struggle. I really struggeld but i also learnt alot. i rmb tat i read sumwhere tat i shouldn't give God the options, rather, I should let His Will be done as we have always prayed. it's always lyk tat when we pray. we tend to forget the real meanin behind "amen" which means let His Will be done.

way, I committed this whole thing into his hands n prayed not tat i'll get thru wid the auditions n make it into the band but for His great plan to work. if i get thru, den i'll give my all to play for Him; worship Him n lead the ppl/congregation into His presence. if i dun, i'll certainly believe tat He has a bigger n better plan for me! a verse came to my mind today while praying abt this matter again: Heb 1:11. "Faith is being sure of wad u hope for n certain of wad u do not see" AMEN!