tired. simply tired. house com. studies. the issue. spiritual walk. identity. falling sick. i really dunno wad to do. esp tat issue. i'm really at a loss n tired of thinking. tired of defending. am i defending in the first place? i dunno. struggles. war in my mind. dunno where i fit in best.

sumtimes i wonder if i'll have a good time in JC.

ppl say their JC life is the best time of their life. but i wonder if it'll be true in my case.

ppl say tat they rmb n keep in contact wid their JC frens the best. but i wonder if it'll be true in my case.

i really wonder if i can handle the remaining one n a half years of my JC life. i wonder how many break-downs i muz have, i wonder how much is there for me to learn, i wonder if my frens will still rmb me (though i'll definitely rmb them), i wonder...though i know things will never be smooth, i wonder how rough it will be, or rather, how smoothly i can glide along that path, or at least try to glide along it. i wonder if i'll go astray. feel lyk trying out wad drinking is lyk. suddenly, tonite, it seems so appealing to me. but i know n i dun think tat i'll lyk it. but still, if it takes my mind off sum things... i wonder n really wonder.

tired. real tired. feel lyk giving up.

wished u were more sensitive n caring. sigh. i wonder if i'm being over-sensitive too. i wonder if i'm being selfish. perhaps i am. den i really hope i'll stop it. but still....

i hope all these will end soon. i hope i'll learn something good out of it. i hope i'll enjoy this period of times/trials. i hope i'll find solace in You. n finally, i really wanna trust u Lord. i dun wanna depend on anybody. i mean, dun wanna base my identity on anybody n anything else but you cos i jus saw n experienced the failed n downside of it. n i hope u'll give me the discipline. break down all my defences n see me thru. be there for me Lord. n Lord, i wanna abide in You!