An excerpt from my diary:
15/6/07 Friday
I did terribly for maths mock exam today. 54.5 marks! can you believe it? i can't. i was angry at myself too. can't sit straight for 3 hours. dun intend to either. glad i remembered what Mr Tan told me on exam tips. "take a break if you need to. a short one n u'll think more clearly when you go back n do the paper". i think i took too long a break. complacency is the biggest thing/problem that caused me to fall.

Sharon! So what if you jumped from D to A?! so wad if you got an A for promos n BT1?! this BT2 is going to get you if you keep having that complacent attitude!! God gave u Victor that taught u about complacency last year. n Khalis too! why didn't you take heed?! must you be taught a lesson before you wake up? open you eyes wider n learn!!!

so i sat down jus now n go through in my head if it's concept or careless mistake. n think of wad to do now. go prac on the weak topics--from the prelim papers. so ring up nigel n joel. well, nigel don't have but joel has--'03 papers. but nvm. i'll take whatever that comes. getting from him tml. n i WILL n i MUST sit down n prac them no matter wad. i think i hang out n chill out too much for the past 3 weeks. acutally, not alot but some nights were indeed burned. so nxt week, the last week, no goin out unless you are meeting teachers! you hear that, Sharon? You're grounded!!!

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Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all you heart, n lean not on your own understanding. in all you ways acknowledge Him n He will make you paths straight

I DON'T WANT! I DON'T WANT TO GET GOOD RESULTS ON MY OWN; IN MY OWN WAY! I WANT YOU LORD!!
because you sit on the throne of my life
because you are the one who can give me understanding n guide me through
because you are sovereign
because i want to trust you
because i want to claim on your promise
COME N BE INVOLVED LORD.....

*end of excerpt*

yes. indeed. i was reading the Bible after i'd marked the paper, cried, scold myself n talked to myself n reflected. doin my usual QT. but i know i'm not doing it outta routine, i'm doing it cos i know God can speak to me. i know He'll have something to teach me, whether it is related to this issue or not. more importantly, i was looking n knowing tat He'll speak to me about it. i jus wanted to set aside time to talk to him n be away from my studies.

as usual, i write down wad happened in my spiritual journal. to keep track. to let God speak to me while i write. to jot down my thoughts. when i flipped open bible to turn to psalm 119, the page that opened was on prov 3:5-6. the famous 2 verses. but i highlighted it on my bible so it stood out n caught my eye. i read it again. still. n felt that God was speaking to me through tat verse. but, nevertheless, i continued flipping to Psalms 119:65-72. read it. n read wad the QT material said. the psalms was talking about affliction. key verse: 71.

Psalm 119:71.
It is good for me that I have been afflicted, that I may learn Your statutes

the material went on to explain tat the psalmist can learn from painful circumstances. n that his circumstance teaches him to value the Word of God. the material then went on to encourage us to thank God for the life lessons i'm abt to learn if i'm facing a prob today. n reminded us tat God is sovereign..even over "the school of hard knocks". AMEN! then, the quote tat i wrote on top was the quote tat was written in the material. n it was this quote that makes me fall down to my knees n turn to God in prayer. so there was a 2nd part to the my diary entry.

indeed Lord, you are sovereign. you know wad we are goin through. every single phrase of our lives. n when you bring us through fire, it's to teach us something. more importantly, it's for us to draw closer to you, to depend on you, to acknowledge that you are the only one that can help...tat has the power to help us. even though it means tat at the end of the day, the results are not wad i want, i know n can take comfort in knowing tat you have a hand in this n you have a plan for me. a plan tat will build up your kingdom here on earth, a plan that will bring glory to you n a plan that will please you.

indeed Lord, i don't want to do things on my own. to lean on my own understanding. for anyone who goes against your plans fail..it'll not be pleasing to you. no one can go against your plan. n Lord, because of all the "because"s i wrote in my diary, i will trust in you. i will turn to you. lead me n guide me Lord in my life, especially for now in the area of studies. n Father, thanks for speaking to me through your Word last night... I love you!

Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future"

God is good. He really is. n He loves His children very much. thank you Lord for not leavin me alone to face this situation. thanks for speaking to me.

Hebrews 13:5b
Never will I leave you;
never will i forsake you

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jus a word to my boy (u know who u are):
no 1. dun let the whole computer thing strain our relationship ok? it's really not worth it. you will always be my boy. not jus in name but in reality n in actions n in words.
no 2. please concentrate on your studies. i really nid you to put in more effort else you are not goin to go very far. there are scholars n foreigners out there fighting wid you for that space..u gotta buck up. n not jus so tat u can get a space but so u'll learn more n widen your knowledge. more applicable to science n eng. for maths, it's always abt training your thinking skills..to develop your mind for it, my dear. nxt time den u'll meet topics tat u can really apply to real life. n tat is if u work hard enough to do well in maths then u can learn those topics..they're in H3. but for now, please put in more effort n get your concepts right. A maths is easy, dear. u can do it wan.
no 3. jus a verse for u from Job 1:21b "the Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised" pray tat u'll also show tat same attitude as Job in the bible. rmb the open-palm policy we learnt in the youth conference? n rmb the thing sy rogers was talking about tat God has a plan for us? even though now it seems bleak n the situation hurts u, learn to trust in God. at the same time, dun hold on tightly. let go. not easy. i've been through it. took me 2 weeks to do so. but it does feel good in the end. n i really do learn somethin. things will be better for u mentally n emotionally also. God loves you n cares for you..n so do i. loves...

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jus wanna say that it was nice helpin out at the You Are Special kids party at a condo nearby. the movie they also screened is "you are special" by Max Lucado. yea..tat awesome writer! thank God for him! n through tat short children's movie, i learnt something important. it's not through good works tat you are special. but it's because God made you n He never makes a mistake when He made you. you have your own special talents n passions. different from others, or some may be the same. but nevertheless, unique in God's own special way. so take pride. no matter wad the outcome will be, wad other ppl think or say, wad circumstances you encounter tat may bring you down, God loves you n you are special in His eyes...always...