right. many things happened but i guess i'll reserve them for later. reflections and thoughts shall dominate this post!

firstly, i felt really grateful that he has been staying up with me and helping me out in my scholarship application. i feel very very fortunate to have him around! it wasn't easy to rush through and complete the application form on tue night. it was hectic. but he sticked by me all the time. and it's cos he stood by me that i found the strength to press on till I'm drained and turned in. and he's just someone whose words, advice and suggestions i can trust and take in. man. i'm really blessed and really thankful that he was there. the scholarship applications are ours! *oh! to alvin: Thanks for your offer of help too! din forget it! =)*

next, recently, a fren of mine asked me how i wld celebrate good friday. though 'celebrate' isn't the word we, Christians, commonly use, but it really started me thinking. well, good fri is when Jesus was crucified. so it's abt death and mourn and grief often lingers around in this scene. yet, for us Christians, it's something that we can also celebrate. for without the death on the cross, there will be no bridge, no path/way to lead us back to God. so, in one sense, it is a celebration that there comes a way to be reconciled to the Creator. well, as wad we always say, the package comes in 3 parts: the birth, the death and the resurection. hmm. it was very thought-provoking anyway.

finally, well, i really dunno where to begin and whether i should say it. i feel both blessed and saddened whenever i think about it. for me personally, i feel that i caused him alot of pain. and the pain that i'm feeling is self-afflicted. i was reaping wad i sowed. the bad seed that i sowed. receiving all the consequences for the bad things that I've done. and in the process of doing the bad things, i hurt him. seeing all the turmoils he went through jus makes my heart breaks. all i wanna do now is to pray and wish he won't burn out. wish he wun get tired. wish his life would be as happy and peaceful as before all these came in..

once in a while, this thought will come--that one day i will lose him because he is angry with me. that one day, he'll see the degree of hurt i caused him and leave me. as much as i hate it happening; as much as i wish he'll forgive me, if it does happen, i gotta accept it..it's the punishment. so to this date, to have this hand of friendship in him is really a bonus..something that I treasure very much, something that I'm blessed with. i thank him for it. and thank God for it. i really don't know wad's going to happen next. but i do hope for the best of all hopes..