yesterday, went out with him. jus knew i gotta meet him. thankfully he lives nearby and so it's very much easier for the both us. dun need to leave so early either. okay. anyway, back to the point. yeah. i'm glad i got my SIA scholarship done up b4 i left. it was hectic and super stressful doing in under pressure but for the sake of (i don't know wad also), I jus pushed myself to complete it. and i'm glad i got to get wad i want and meet him though it was pretty late at 930pm plus.

stayed around, had a drink and chatted. i'm glad he liked the gift and card. i'm glad i'd him around. someone that i can tok to. someone that knows wad's happening to me and so i dun nid to repeat my whole story. someone that's willing to hear all my anguish, frustration and upset-ness no matter how gloomy it sounds. really grateful. and especially so when he showers me a lot of love. more love than i could imagine. when he wraps me in his arms while i sobbed, it jus felt warm and re-assuring. but at the end of it all, i really felt i dun deserve it. after all i'd done, i really dun think i should get such a high placing in his life.

he assured me again that night on the phone. i felt really comforted and really do feel so much better. i'm very glad to hear he is alright after I made the same old decision. very glad he shared with me his thoughts. it definitely is a comfort. i really hope he is good even after reading this post. i really don't wish to see him upset again.

okay. well, woke up this morning still stoning in bed over wad happened last night. eyes felt swollen though it definitely isn't. and i wonder how he is doing. but like wad i said, i believe in him. i hope my worries will disappear with time.

love like this never fail to remind me of jus how great God's love is for me. i'm really glad He loved me very much..more than the love i feel. and everytime i see how wrecked i am and how much i dun deserve of the guy's love, i can see myself telling God the same thing and i know, deep down inside, that the wreck i caused to Him is more than wad i did to the guy. thank you, Lord, for your love so great and immeasurable.

okay. completing the SIA scholarship qns last night really is a burden off my shoulder. but instead of relieving a sigh of relief, i wanted so much to cry. to cry out all my frustrations and stress in me. i knew it had to be this outlet. there was nothing else i can do except to cry and feel better after doing so. n i'm glad i did though it was in front of someone else. well, i'm glad its over though sembcorp wants me to answer more qns. i don't know i have anymore energy left to take the challenge but i guess i'll try again. wad he said has been kept firmly in my mind all these while, "i encourage you to try". thanks alot!

finally, been wanting to say this for a long time and forgot to write it down in my previous post. wanted to say that I'm really glad and fortunate to have met my frens in jtc: jia wen, zhi wen, yi chen and alvin. without them, i think my life for 8 months will really be boring. i dun have good relationships with my JC frens. so i dun usually keep in contact with many of them during the hols except yonghui and ruth and sometimes alison. other than that, i'm pretty much isolated. and i really dun like that. being me, i love my frens and want to keep in contact with them. but we've all gone our separate ways such that only once-in-a-while msg would seem comfortable.

then, when i started working in JTC and meet them, it really is a joy. they really brighten up my life and become the circle of frens that i have now. sometimes i wish i din go into teaching so fast. cos teaching really isolates me again. can't make more frens and colleagues except the kids. i wish i work in another industry and make more frens. nevertheless, i'm blessed to have these frens that i still keep in contact with; who are a really nice and caring bunch of ppl. thanks alot guys! love you all!