Thank God I had many MANY chances of showing Facing The Giants show to my friends. Roomie, Shu Hui, Wanting, Reuben, Sarah and mum. Yeah. I had probably watched it 3-4 times in the week! But it was good because I get to discuss with them about it and share opinions. And I muz say that I learn much from them! going beyond limits, faith as the blindfold, God as our coach...tat's quite cool.

The best one was watching with roomie. Sparked quite a number of conversations with her about Christianity and she asking some of the doubts and unanswered questions in her mind all these while. Thank God I had a chance to be able to start this kind of conversations. and thank God for giving me a chance to share wad I learned. Indeed, what I learn, I not only keep it in mind but apply it to my life. Wrote down specifically how and what I can and should do...

[emotional and fears]

Somehow, I have been having this thought in my mind. After all I've been through, I just feel afraid to be in a relationship again. I fear what it'll bring. Whether it'll be another break-up. Whether it'll work out. How the other party will be like. Will I end up hurting him and myself. Will I glorify God in this relationship. Will He be pleased when He sees this relationship. Will others praise God and see His love through this relationship. Will others see God in this relationship. Will it take up a lot of my time. Can I commit that much, sacrifice that much. Am I willing. How accomodating and understanding he would be. How would i be. How about parents from both side. The relationships that I currently have. My studies. The time i need to spend on my studies...Sigh. So many fears. But all so true from my heart. I really fear. Been having these thoughts here and there. Not the first time I face this though. Ever since my first break-up, i felt so. I wonder if i'll take long to recover. Will it affect how i present and act and speak? well, definitely i guess.

Lord, please take these fears away and help me to trust you. Help me to trust in your plan and your good, perfect and pleasing will. Help me to depend on you solely and not wallow in the fears. Lift me up once again. Above my fears. For you are bigger than all my fears combined!

Well, another thing that makes me emo is seeing how my frens and all are in a relationship or starting one. Got a shock when i reached hall this week and hear all the news. Sigh. So fast. one by one getting attached. hearing the plans they have, what they are doing, where they've been, the fun they must have had or the fun they are going to get...makes me feel jealous. like i want it now too. but then again, it's a spur-of-the-moment thought. far from these fun is the cry of commitment and sacrifice. and until i'm ready and willing, i dun think i have the right to want them...

Lord, please help me to let go...