I really miss singapore. and more importantly, the friends and concern that have been shown to me over there. i miss my family too. now, I realised why people say that friends and family matter the most. it’s true. anywhere you go, if you have no friends; no true, genuine friends, life is going to be miserable. i’m not utterly miserable. i still can go by. but i see a stark difference.

back in singapore, the people around me really care for me. they care for my welfare, ask how am i doing, follow-up with me on certain things and really, truly, express their care towards. i feel very blessed.

but here, through the past 2 months plus, i really don’t feel it. i don’t see it. i can’t feel anything at all. hardly anyone follow-up with me. the people i meet are just hi-byes. we can stay in the same house, but we can don’t talk much. and most of the time, i’m the one doing the asking. and the listening. even when i do speak and talk things out on my own initiative, i’ll either get a solution-fix response or a blank-no response. it’s sad. i want neither. i just want a listening ear. and when i’m ready to hear an advice, then i’m ready to hear your solution-fix response.

:( I was talking to john and wanting and khalis on the phone recently. and boy! how much i miss them! each phone call to them is ever so encouraging. especially talking to john. it’s one of the best conversations that i’ve had with him. in almost every sentence, he put God first. and his most encouraging statement was how he is praying for me and his specific prayer for me.

it literally moved me to tears when i heard on the phone. Wan Ting, needless to say. my best buddy, my girl friend, my sister. what more can i ask for? and khalis. also a needless to say one. i just spoke to him last night. and when i was telling him about my sister and was tearing a bit on the phone, he went totally silent and asked me to go get a tissue. i was totally surprised he could hear me crying on the phone. well, it’s true it’s not his first time hearing me cry on the phone but i’m surprised that after so long, he still remembers how i would sound like sniffing on the phone!

sigh. i wish. i wish. i wish my friends around me will really be my friend. people who care for me. i don’t want superfacial friends.

indeed, God knows my limits and my needs. He will provide. right, Father? You will provide, right? Please provide for me once again. Please provide the comfort and the care and the love that I need.