As I was looking through my profile pictures on fb, I saw the photo below. Yes, it was one of my profile pictures. And mind you, I don't change my profile pictures often and each one was carefully picked.

I can still clearly remember when was it and why I put it up. It was my 21st birthday. And my friends were very sweet to gather together and gave me this surprise birthday celebration after my exam paper. They came. They sang. They smiled. And I was touched. I was totally touched till I cried. At that time, I felt very very blessed. Very blessed with such a great bunch of friends. And more importantly, her. I felt very delighted and very blessed and very thankful to God for her.

Yet, as 2011 dawns, I find us distancing. I'm afraid of going to school every Sunday night. Cos I'm afraid I'll have no company. I'm afraid I have no friends. I'm afraid she's not there. There is this load of pain and load of tears. Why do things have to change? Why change for the worse?

I find us disagreeing more on things and spending less time with each other. I find us having to struggle to put our opinions on the table amicably and myself giving in so that she won't be unhappy. And I bet she doesn't read my blog at all now, or as often as she used to.

Sometimes, I wish, I can be that girl in the photo below. That's the young me. So happy, smiling so cheerfully even though I popped out of a washing machine. The joy, the smile, the innocence.

Why do people grow up? Why do I have to grow up, know more, and be in such a tangle of complication?